The Big Caning Poll

[buds]

We already have a thread on this started by our very own tamarind,

david59. Mebbe you can simply add on to her existing thread. We try
not to form new threads for similar topics here in KiasuParents, so that
we can keep it clutter free as how this forum is best known for.

Thanks in advance.

*Chief, kindly merge threads.*

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1514&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

[david59]

buds:

We already have a thread on this started by our very own tamarind,

david59. Mebbe you can simply add on to her existing thread. We try
not to form new threads for similar topics here in KiasuParents, so that
we can keep it clutter free as how this forum is best known for.

Thanks in advance.

*Chief, kindly merge threads.*

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1514&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Thanks a lot. I am so glad to be able to hear the views of others being a newcomer to this great forum. :celebrate:

[ZacK]

ZacK:

1. I do cane my son when the he is rebellious or acts against the any specific instructions given to him but never for mistakes or accidents that he had not intended to happen. Even if it meant accidentally breaking an expensive glassware.


2. So far I have never caned him in front of others even when we are home with mummy and grandma present. He will be pulled into his room where his cane is hanging there :evil: There is usually a stroke or two at his upper thigh / lower bum area... When we are in public area, he will be pulled to a pte area (eg public handicap toilet) out of sight of others when he is out of line and he gets a tight spanking on his palm, never on the face.

3. In all instances, he will cry and then apologise. This is followed by a hug and telling him that I still love him but he should be more obedient and be a good boy.

4. Being the imperfect parent that I am, I of cos have made the cardinal sin of threatening to cane if he does not go about doing the things we wanted him to do And of cos there were moments where he'll test my patience to the brink where I felt like giving him a tight slap across his face at that very moment... Thankfully for him, in all of those situations, I managed to retain my sanity and composure not to have inflicted pain onto him whilst I myself am still not in the right frame of mind to do so.

Wow age must be catching up on me... I actually forgot that I posted this almost a yr ago :oops:

[buds]

ZacK:

Wow age must be catching up on me... I actually forgot that I posted this almost a yr ago :oops:

It sure is, ZacK..
For me too.. Esp
since another unit
is gonna be added
to mine pretty soon..

[tamarind]

I started this thread in December last year.


I was heart broken when I read this news :

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_446839.html
58 bruises on child's body
TODDLER Natalie Nikie Alisyia Sallehan had 58 bruises and abrasions on her head, body and limbs, a forensic pathologist told the High Court on Monday, the fifth day of her father's murder trial.

But what caused her death was a tear in a major vein that let 40ml of blood collect inside the heart sac and prevent the heart from pumping.

The 0.5-cm-long rupture found on the blood vessel was a 'life-threatening event', the pathologist who conducted the autopsy, Dr Teo Eng Swee, told the court on Monday.

The two-year-old's father, Sallehan Allaudin, 27, is accused of causing her death by kicking and stamping on her.

Also taking the stand was the paediatrician who saw Nikie in the emergency room, Dr Kao Pao Tang. Dr Kao, who had been given the autopsy finding, said that such ruptures are usually seen in cases of a fall from a height or 'high-energy, high-velocity accidents'.

Nikie was assaulted on Jan 6 at her home in Boon Lay.



While the majority of parents say that they must discipline their kids using physical force, how do you ensure that you can control your anger and not cause severe harm to your child ?

I am a firm believer that it is not necessary to cane or beat the child in order to discipline him. There are other forms of discipline which are much more effective than caning or beating. Parents just need to think harder.

Is it morally correct to hurt another human being who is so young and weak and unable to retaliate ? Even though we give birth to our kids, it does not mean that we own them and that we can do anything to them.

No offence to other parents in this forum who cane their kids. It is just that the news about the toddler's death really makes me very sad.

[cnimed]

Is it morally correct to hurt another human being who is so young and weak and unable to retaliate ? Even though we give birth to our kids, it does not mean that we own them and that we can do anything to them.


Well-said Tamarind. And if a parent can't control his/her temper, caning often crosses the line of \"punishment\" to bullying.

[workingmom]

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html?_r=3&ref=instapundit


I think more of us are guilty of this than actual physical caning. :oops:

Words can hurt as much as physical caning - I know my girls are more affected by the words we say ... so we as parents have to control ourselves .. which is easier said than done !

[tamarind]

deminc,


I wonder how many parents can honestly say that when they cane a child, they are not angry at all ?

workingmom,
Thanks for sharing that article ! I am guilty of shouting at my kids. But shouting is 100 times better than caning and beating. I make sure that I don't say anything shaming or demeaning like \"you are stupid/lazy\" etc. I shout mostly to give instructions like \"Stop doing that now !\" If my boy does not pay attention, I will say \"pay attention !\" loudly, and I do not say things like \"why you take so long to do this...\" or \"why you read this so many times already and you still forget ?\"

I think this type of shouting does no harm to kids.

[david59]

workingmom:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html?_r=3&ref=instapundit


I think more of us are guilty of this than actual physical caning. :oops:

Words can hurt as much as physical caning - I know my girls are more affected by the words we say ... so we as parents have to control ourselves .. which is easier said than done !

Absolute agree. If bcos of a few examples of extreme cases, we cancel out all the positive results of many parents who use the cane rightly, won't this be very sad? So bcos of a few bad teachers who abused their given authority as educators by committing sexual harrassment or intimacy with their students, we should do away with teachers? Bcos nuclear energy can be abused, nuclear power should be totally prohibited? And so on and on we go ...

What I do agree is that all other methods of discipline must be utilised before we resort to caning. I can count together with my wife's fingers, we had not caned our daughters more than the no. of fingers on our hands ( they are now 20 and 17). And they have grown up pretty n fine. :celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate:

[Funz]

I do not have a cane at home. But I am not beyond caning my kids if their behaviour does deteriorate to that extent. When they were younger, up to the age of about 3, they do get some spanking from me or DH but now that they are 4+ & 6+, there has been no need for any form of spanking or caning. I firmly believe that the type of punishment depends on the child’s character and what he/she reponds best to.


As for that NYtimes article, I think that it is getting a bit extreme, first any form of corporal punishment is frowned upon, now, even yelling at a kid is being labelled as the new form of spanking. And in the article, they are talking about raised voices with tones of anger and irritation, not insults and derogatory words. What’s next, even giving ‘the look’ to our kids will be construed as a form of corporal punishment? Are parents not suppose to feel anger or rather it is not right to show anger to a child. No wonder more and more kids need counselling and psychiatric help as they are being raised to deny one of the most basic human emotions. Ok, I digress, that is a whole different argument.