The Giving Tree

[ChiefKiasu]

jedamum:

mumwgals:

That one can be called a river meh, I thought is a big drain. ^_^

maybe CKS couldn't differentiate bluish river water from brownish drain water...

Hard to tell when my memories are still in black and white like the TV sets of yonder years.

[ChiefKiasu]

mumwgals:

If we are talking about the same Mattar road hawer center, there should be a proper bridge further down from that plank bridge you took, but I guess your dad wanted to train you on your balancing skill... I miss that hawker center, is it still there? I went back a few years ago and some of the hawkers were still there.....

It's the same hawker centre... except maybe not the same bridge. That bridge you are referring to is actually a road. My memories of that plank bridge is between 1968-1972.

Yes, incredibly, some of the stores are still there, especially the desert store. The daughter of the store took over from her parents. It has been there for more than 40 years! And prices are still as low. Some things don't get inflated.

[mumwgals]

ChiefKiasu:

It's the same hawker centre... except maybe not the same bridge. That bridge you are referring to is actually a road. My memories of that plank bridge is between 1968-1972.

Yes, incredibly, some of the stores are still there, especially the desert store. The daughter of the store took over from her parents. It has been there for more than 40 years! And prices are still as low. Some things don't get inflated.

Huh, that road! It was near the end of the hawker center. That desert stall is still there! There was this homemade yong tau hu store, mended by a middle age couple (back then), they had very few selection, but it was quite nice. And another lor mee stall, the father cooked & his 3 sch-going children served. I remembered the children, around P3 - P6, doing their homework right infront of the stall. The last time I went back, I only saw the daughter, already a lady.

I was from Mattar East Primary, so every morning, I had to walk along that longkang in the dark (the street light back then was not bright), crossed the bridge & walked on this long pathway (almost in picth dark, & kept stepping on snails, cause couldn't see them on the pathway) before I could reach the sch. There were a few blocks before my pri sch, but it's all demolished now. The residents in that few blocks back then were already very entrepreneur, they put place mat along the path way, selling all kinds of stationary, some even sell chicks & duckling. Those where the days.........

[ChiefKiasu]

mumwgals:

...The residents in that few blocks back then were already very entrepreneur, they put place mat along the path way, selling all kinds of stationary, some even sell chicks & duckling. Those where the days.........

Don't forget the tikam tikam store. No wonder most adults today are 4D fanatics, having been exposed to, um, games of chance from young

These days, it is reduced to the coin slot toy-egg machines masquerading as gumball dispensers. Kids learn that they don't get to choose what they get for $1. I've always eyed those things with suspicion.

[tamarind]

I bought The Giving Tree for my kids last year. My boy loves the drawings, my girl likes to read it.


I think in the west, the typical thinking is that parents should give unconditionally to their kids. The tree gives its apples, leaves and branches, and even its trunk to the boy. And it expects nothing back from the boy.

I heard that in the west, parents are resigned to the fate of going to the old folks home. They don't expect their kids to take care of them when they are old.

In Asia, we should teach our kids about filial piety. There is a very good series of books 二十四孝 for children.

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/tamarind/filial.jpg\">

There is a story about a child who slept by a frozen pond, hoping to find fishes to feed his parents. Another story is about a person who cried and begged for bamboo shoots to grow in winter, so that he can bring back to feed his mother who was ill. These are very classic stories which I have heard when I was young. Even if we don't expect our kids to support us when we are old, we all want our children to be 孝顺 。 I think every child should read these stories.

[ChiefKiasu]

tamarind:

...These are very classic stories which I have heard when I was young. Even if we don't expect our kids to support us when we are old, we all want our children to be 孝顺 。 I think every child should read these stories.

Looks good, Tamarind. Where did you buy your copies?

[mumwgals]

ChiefKiasu:

Don't forget the tikam tikam store. No wonder most adults today are 4D fanatics, having been exposed to, um, games of chance from young

Tikam tikam!! I saw them at The Mint Museum of Toys.

http://i524.photobucket.com/albums/cc322/mumwgals/tikkum.jpg\">

My kids were very amuse by the toys we played in our time. :lol:

[tamarind]

ChiefKiasu:

tamarind:

...These are very classic stories which I have heard when I was young. Even if we don't expect our kids to support us when we are old, we all want our children to be 孝顺 。 I think every child should read these stories.

Looks good, Tamarind. Where did you buy your copies?

They are from Popular Bookshop

[sapphiree]

i should start reading the filial piety to my 2.5YO now.

Get it straight to his mind young.

[MOTY]

ChiefKiasu:

Just came back from a MindChamps parenting strategy session. There was a mention of a 1964 children's book by Shel Silverstein called \"The Giving Tree\"


Synopsis from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giving_Tree:
\"The story is a short moral tale about a relationship between a young boy and a tree in a forest. The tree and the boy become best friends. The tree always provides the boy with what he wants: branches to swing from, shade to sit under, apples to snack on, branches to build a house. As the boy grows older and older he requires more and more of the tree. The tree loves the boy very much and gives him anything he asks for. In the ultimate act of self-sacrifice, the tree lets the boy cut her down so the boy can build a boat in which he can sail. The boy leaves the tree, now a stump. Many years later, the boy, now an old man, returns and the tree says \"I have nothing left to give you\". The boy replies that all he needs is a quiet place to sit and rest as he awaits death. The tree happily obliges.\"

The story struck me to the core... it was such a clear and powerful description of ourselves who grew from children dependent on our parents, to being parents ourselves. There are those that see the boy as being totally selfish, and the tree as being a most irresponsible parent who never learnt to say no to their children. Yet as Prof Timothy Jackson of Stanford University best put it:
\"Is this a sad tale? Well, it is sad in the same way that life is sad. We are all needy, and, if we are lucky and any good, we grow old using others and getting used up. Tears fall in our lives like leaves from a tree. Our finitude is not something to be regretted or despised, however; it is what makes giving (and receiving) possible. The more you blame the boy, the more you have to fault human existence. The more you blame the tree, the more you have to fault the very idea of parenting. Should the tree's giving be contingent on the boy's gratitude? If it were, if fathers and mothers waited on reciprocity before caring for their young, then we would all be doomed.\"

This is a great story which we should tell to our own children and listen to what they think of the parties in the story.

IMO This story glamorises a very unhealthy relationship where one person gives and sacrifices without consideration or self respect. The enabling parent or the battered spouse are two examples that come to mind. The other person takes without reciprocity - think greedy businessman.

IMO In a healthy parent-child relationship, giving neither has to be unconditional (as suggested in the book) nor depending on gratitude (as per Stanford prof). Because the former (unconditional giving) lessens the value of the parent as an individual human being and infantizes the ability of the child to work independently towards his goal. The latter (depending on gratitude) does not describe love, but rather, a share investment transaction.

In a healthy relationship the parents provide love and security, but also learn to withhold resources which will impede his child independent growth. The parents may have to encourage a child to obtain gainful employment rather than offer a handout; let the child learn from his failures so he can mature and understand his own limitations; allow the child to leave and cleave post marriage, etc.

Most of all, parents should not live with their children as their sole purpose in life, as suggested by the \"giving tree\". Firstly it puts unreasonable demand on their children to be responsibile for the parents' happiness. Secondly, it reduces our potential to fulfill ourselves in many other ways, to just being Junior's susidary company.