Do you teach your child(ren) good manners?

[autumnbronze]

Hi,


I am a mother of a 2 yrs and 2 mths old son. For me, it is really paramount that he learns good manners. My personal experience with him is that I have to use the 3 'Cs' and the 2 'Ps'. I constantly, consistently, calmly, patiently and persistently reinforce, reinforce and reinforce when trying to educate him.

As he is currently an only child in the extended family, he is constantly being indulged. An example is asking for permission if he wants to take something that does not belong to him. While he does so at home cuz I make it a point to see that he does, my ILs allow him to take anything he wants w/o asking. However, instead of creating a fuss or complaining to DH, I just do as mentioned above.

Another example is when he is in his playgrp playing with something and another child snatches it away from him, again I will calmly tell him to wait for his turn or give him something else to play with.

I remember when my son was slightly over a year old, we were at a frd's hse for dinner. At that age, children are curious and love to touch things, which was precisely what he was trying to do. I kept reminding him over and over again, in the midst of my conversation with my frd, that it was not his hse and that the things there did not belong to him and he shd not touch them. Of course, if he is really curious, I would take whatever it is that he wants to touch and show it to him, let him touch it and count to 3, aft which I will put back the stuff. I remember my frd telling me 'its ok, leave it, if you keep telling him, he will turn rebellious'. But I just ignored her, cuz it was something that I did at home too.

Today, I am proud to say that whenever I bring him out, he is quite (I say quite, cuz no child is perfect) well-behaved and listens when we tell him why (the WHY part is impt) he shd not ... and not just 'you cannot do this ... or you shd not do that ...' He also associates cause with effect. For instance, repeated attempts to make him not put his finger in the drain in the kitchen sink failed, and once he did put his finger in and ended up having a small cut. Now, whenever he tries to do something similar like play with the sliding door, we remind him of the sink incident and he says 'daddy put after shave lotion on finger', many pain' and immediately abandons the idea of playing with the door. Of course, he may try again it again the next day or a few days later, cuz he is still too young to fully comprehend the full consequence of his actions, but I believe that my above philosophy will pay off in the long run.

I know he is only 2+ yrs old, but I really believe that he is never too young to learn. I am now trying to teach him about empathy/compassion and for example how one shd not waste food because he is at this stage when he will request for something like a cup of milo, take a few sips and say 'enough', just like that. How do I do that? One example is by showing him a videoclip of one of MJ's song which is abt poverty and which has malnourished kids, while explaining to him that there are many kids who don't have the opportunity/money to drink/buy a full glass of milo like he does. Is it working?? Time will tell.

And yes, as parents, we have to be positive role models to them ...

[kiasimom]

Hi. Thank you for your post.

I really hope that more parents will read your post and start learning if they have not been educating their child in a more positive way.
Parents nowadays may have just one child and the child will mean the world to them. And that could also be the reason why they will simply allow the child to have his way.
I have personally seen with my own eyes how some children misbehaved in public.
They tried to get their parents to buy a gift and the parents refused. The child will just swim on the floor and the parent will try their best to cajole him and will try to carry him in their arms. And the child will just hit his parent repeatedly and his parent just allow that to happen.

So in the end, the parent has to admit defeat and gave in to the child’s demand.

I did not see the parent reasoning with the child that he should not be throwing a temper just because he cannot get what he wants. And I did not hear the parents telling the child that he is not suppoosed to hit his own parent.

So unless there are more parents like you out there, I really feel that the next generation will not be better.

[autumnbronze]

Hi kiasimom,


I have to admit something, and I believe many parents share the same sentiments. I am not perfect. But one thing that I have learnt to cultivate after becoming a mother is .... patience.

[jedamum]

kiasimom:

I did not see the parent reasoning with the child that he should not be throwing a temper just because he cannot get what he wants. And I did not hear the parents telling the child that he is not suppoosed to hit his own parent.
.

perhaps the parent was waiting for the kid to calm down before explaining the situation?
in any case, is mis-behaviour equivalent to bad manners? :?
a well behaved kid can also have bad manners.
at times, kids do not know what is good manners/decorum, and the lack of it in certain situation immediately translate to bad manners.

[cmm]

jedamum:

kiasimom:

I did not see the parent reasoning with the child that he should not be throwing a temper just because he cannot get what he wants. And I did not hear the parents telling the child that he is not suppoosed to hit his own parent.
.

perhaps the parent was waiting for the kid to calm down before explaining the situation?
in any case, is mis-behaviour equivalent to bad manners? :?
a well behaved kid can also have bad manners.
at times, kids do not know what is good manners/decorum, and the lack of it in certain situation immediately translate to bad manners.

I agree with you, jedamum. Sometimes, when faced with a situation we expect children to behave in a certain way that is socially acceptable to us. However, we forget that the child has never been in that same situation before and does not know what is the socially acceptable way to behave. So the child being a child, behaves in a way that comes across as bad manners to us adults.

All too often, I find myself guilty of being too quick to judge my children's behaviour instead of putting myself into their shoes and think why they are behaving in this way.

Got to remind myself to be patient (not one of my virtues.....yet! ) and try to see things from the child's perspective...

[kiasimom]

Talking about good behaviour…

Is good manner equivalent to good behaviour?

If a child is not well-behaved, will this child have good manners?

[kiasimom]

jedamum:

perhaps the parent was waiting for the kid to calm down before explaining the situation?

in any case, is mis-behaviour equivalent to bad manners? :?
a well behaved kid can also have bad manners.
at times, kids do not know what is good manners/decorum, and the lack of it in certain situation immediately translate to bad manners.

I also hope that the parents will explain to the child after he calms down.

[jo.010813ong]

I strongly believe parents should teach children the right manners - especially respecting the elders.


We have instill respecting the elders since they are 2 years old. When they meet anyone at the elevator, my gals will greet uncles or aunties or good morning, etc.

[kiasimom]

jo.ong:

I strongly believe parents should teach children the right manners - especially respecting the elders.


We have instill respecting the elders since they are 2 years old. When they meet anyone at the elevator, my gals will greet uncles or aunties or good morning, etc.

That's very lovely of your children.
Do the uncles and aunties acknowledge their greetings?

When I was in Canada, all the neighbours greet us when they see us and engage in small talks with us

[jo.010813ong]

Well... mostly the uncles and aunties were caught by surprise :!: and slowly compose themselves before they acknowledge my gals. :lol: