In a dilemma about childcare

[cherrygal]

Hi decollette

Yes, my son went in at 18mths (no choice at that time) and my gal at 21mths (coz I had more choices too). The fortunate thing for me was, both of them picked up the English language really fast. My boy began to speak a lot more just after he entered CC while my gal could already speak very well at 16mths, hence expressing herself was no problem. They are both very friendly and cheerful so it was easy for them to make friends. In fact, I need to thank my mom (who looked after both) for teaching them well. An educated caregiver makes a lot of difference.

Since you are a SAHM, you need to make a conscious effort to speak more to your kid and teach him to express himself. Prepare him well in advance by talking to him about school. I bought an Elmo book about school and spoke to my gal a few weeks before I sent her to the CC. We tried to make it as fun as possible. And as my older kid goes to school, we keep telling her that gor gor likes to go to school as well. If your kid has an older cousin that he likes, tell him that the cousin enjoys school too.

And, don’t give up in the first few weeks if he says he hates school. It’s just his separation anxiety talking. Once you persist, he will get the hang of it and you will soon see the day where he will actually wave a nice goodbye to you and trot in happily. My kids both took about 2 weeks to do that. Teachers told me that some kids take a month or so to adapt. You just have to tahan the crying when you leave. Just be quick about it. Don’t linger. I think I was quite hardhearted when they cried so they adapted faster. Anyway, I usually call the centre later to check if they have stopped crying and kids usually do with so many distractions at the centre.

For my boy, he was able to pick up good language skills right after he entered. For my gal, she has learnt to count very well and can sing many songs. Both picked up habits such as keeping their toys and good manners.

Illness is unavoidable at this age. Just make sure you compensate for it by cooking nutritious food.

[decollette]

I also played him an elmo dvd about school to prepare him. Language wise, we exposed him to reading since many months ago… and now he will come to us with books and ask us to read to him by saying "pls" And each book he will ask me to re read to him like 3 times so u can imagine… its funny and tiring at the same time.

To him, a book is a must for him to the point that he will also take our mags and start flipping for a good 15 min by himself while im busy with chores.
At the start of 18 months, i realised a sudden big improvement, as in he will mimic what i say, and start picking up alot of words, which makes me glad.
One thing i notice about him is that he is happy to be with adults (most, but not all) He will happily let them hold him, even if it means he cant see me for a little while. But with kids his age, he mostly ignores their presence, like he is happy to be on his own. Im aware that tolddlers this age play along, and not with kids his age. So i guess going to playgroup will help in his socializing.
Though cheerful,he is slow to warm, unlike yours who is outgoing. I think this definitely will make the transition period abit harder. A friend told me that kids behave differently when their mom/primary caregiver is not around.DUnno how true is this. As in her son is extremely mischievious and hyper at home, but at school he will willingly sit thru classes.

[Carolina]

Hi decollette,


Am wondering if your son has since started childcare and how is he faring (in other words, just KPing. :P).

Can understand your concerns and difficulty in making decisions. I had the same problems with my son, although I've been a FTWM all along - my kids & maid went to my mom's 2 days a week and my MIL's 2 days a week & I worked from home 1 day a week. Initial plans was to start my older boy in CC only this year when he has to start N1. However, we started having disagreements with my ILs in regards to the care & upbringing methods of my son and, later, my boy showed frequent signs of being bored and his learning curve was stagnating. After much talk with my hubby, I started looking for a CC for my boy when he was around 17/18 months while I was on maternity leave after giving birth to my girl.

Took me a good 6 months before I finally found a CC to my satisfaction, be it curriculum, hygiene, health care, environment, etc. that has an immediate available space as well as is near to my mom's (I was trying to find 1 that's either near my place or my mom's). Started my boy after he turned 2. Think I visited almost 10 CCs in total. Have to say that, until now, I'm still happy with this CC and am planning to put my girl with them as well once she starts showing signs of being ready for more activities in her daily life.

All in all, I say go with what you think is best for your child. Age is just a rough guide as every child's development and readiness is different. For e.g., my son only started showing signs of being ready for CC at around 21 months, but my girl is already starting to show signs of readiness at barely 15 months old. Of course I can't start sending her now given that she's still not 18 months (& therefore can't attend CC) & still taking 2 naps a day. Yet, a certain CC manager insisted that starting anytime later than 18 months is too late.

As for other issues, e.g. your difficulty is leaving your son while he's screaming and crying, should not be factor in. It's part & parcel of parenting, it's our learning journey. It should not become a hindrance to what is best for our children's wellbeing.

Just my 2 cents.

[toddles]

Enjoyed reading these posts.


I am also in a slight quandary at this point.

Initially, I would say go for the \"trusted nanny\" option. But after reading cherrygal's post, yes she does have a point. Who is your trusted nanny? A long time neighbour? Personally I thought a nanny would be preferable cos after all it's more one-to-one attention, which I believe they kinda need at that age (before 2 yrs? 2.5 yrs?). Also, much less likely to fall sick. Believe that most cc kids fall sick abt one week every month?

Carolina,
interested to find out which cc you decided on after visiting 10. Can PM me? thanks!

decollette,
there is some childcare policy that you get a full refund if you decide to withdraw yr child within the first two weeks. Not sure if that comprises the registration deposit, but no harm checking.

[cherrygal]

toddles:

Initially, I would say go for the \"trusted nanny\" option. But after reading cherrygal's post, yes she does have a point. Who is your trusted nanny? A long time neighbour? Personally I thought a nanny would be preferable cos after all it's more one-to-one attention, which I believe they kinda need at that age (before 2 yrs? 2.5 yrs?). Also, much less likely to fall sick. Believe that most cc kids fall sick abt one week every month?

I beg to differ. My nanny had her own kids (5yo and 8yo) with her, as well as a maid. She also wanted to surf the web etc. Complained all the time to me that my son was needy... whaddya expect from a 4mth old? If he slept the whole day, I should be worried. So I don't believe nannies will give their utmost attention 1-to-1 to your child, even if they promised to do so. The older aunties with no maids will end up cooking dinner for the whole family while your child is watching TV or rolling around in the walker.

Not really true about falling sick all the time too... touch wood. Give them nutritious food and supplements and make sure they keep their hands clean. So far it's been ok... You can lessen the impact by choosing a non-airconditioned CCC with lesser kids.

[decollette]

Hi everyone, its been awhile since i last visited this site, really heartening to see the helpful posts here.


Hi Carolina, in fact my boy is attending his first day at the new cc today which i picked months ago. Like you, i had visited all the ccs in my vicinity before deciding on this one. I like the environment, smaller ratio as well as warm teachers. I eventually did not choose putting him with the nanny, as she had another child to care for, and the child is still really young. And like what cherrygal mentioned, i do not think he will be stimulated enough being at the nanny's.

Also, Im glad i made the right move on enrolling him at once weekly sessions at gymboree. Since then, i can tell he enjoyed the activities and interaction with those his age. He started to show he enjoyed being in the company of others. And though it was a parent accompanied program, he will be busy in his newfound independence to even notice my presence. So this helped to prepare him for the CC.

And yes Carolina, the screaming and tears is just part of parenting and separation anxiety, with time and consistency i am sure to conquer it. So this time, i will not chicken out hahaa. Im also grateful for the teachers being supportive and their advice on helping me to overcome it. My son also bonded with one teacher so things are looking good. Shall just be consistent and quick with the goodbyes. He has already learnt to wave goodbye to me when my mum comes to babysit. And at 22 months, he understands when i tell him i will leave him but will come back.

I think its right to say that different kids are ready for preschool at different ages, and its our job as parents to ascertain when. He was clearly not ready at 18 mths, and the previous cc was a misfit. Im really glad how things turned out.. that i chose not to settle and continue hunting for a more suited cc. That i enrolled him at gymboree once weekly to prepare him.

I can truly say that this time, both of us are ready. He's ready to find and develop his independence and confidence mingling with others, and I'm ready to let go for him to learn and have the experience. :))

[toddles]

cherrygal:

toddles:

Initially, I would say go for the \"trusted nanny\" option. But after reading cherrygal's post, yes she does have a point. Who is your trusted nanny? A long time neighbour? Personally I thought a nanny would be preferable cos after all it's more one-to-one attention, which I believe they kinda need at that age (before 2 yrs? 2.5 yrs?). Also, much less likely to fall sick. Believe that most cc kids fall sick abt one week every month?

I beg to differ. My nanny had her own kids (5yo and 8yo) with her, as well as a maid. She also wanted to surf the web etc. Complained all the time to me that my son was needy... whaddya expect from a 4mth old? If he slept the whole day, I should be worried. So I don't believe nannies will give their utmost attention 1-to-1 to your child, even if they promised to do so. The older aunties with no maids will end up cooking dinner for the whole family while your child is watching TV or rolling around in the walker.

Not really true about falling sick all the time too... touch wood. Give them nutritious food and supplements and make sure they keep their hands clean. So far it's been ok... You can lessen the impact by choosing a non-airconditioned CCC with lesser kids.

Yah I guess there are many types of nanny. I know of a nanny, whose kids are grown up (post secondary sch) and she's a really nice, energetic lady. Speaks decent english and mandarin. Sometimes her kids help to play with the child too. But such nannies are rare.

[Carolina]

decollette:

Hi everyone, its been awhile since i last visited this site, really heartening to see the helpful posts here.


Hi Carolina, in fact my boy is attending his first day at the new cc today which i picked months ago. Like you, i had visited all the ccs in my vicinity before deciding on this one. I like the environment, smaller ratio as well as warm teachers. I eventually did not choose putting him with the nanny, as she had another child to care for, and the child is still really young. And like what cherrygal mentioned, i do not think he will be stimulated enough being at the nanny's.

Also, Im glad i made the right move on enrolling him at once weekly sessions at gymboree. Since then, i can tell he enjoyed the activities and interaction with those his age. He started to show he enjoyed being in the company of others. And though it was a parent accompanied program, he will be busy in his newfound independence to even notice my presence. So this helped to prepare him for the CC.

And yes Carolina, the screaming and tears is just part of parenting and separation anxiety, with time and consistency i am sure to conquer it. So this time, i will not chicken out hahaa. Im also grateful for the teachers being supportive and their advice on helping me to overcome it. My son also bonded with one teacher so things are looking good. Shall just be consistent and quick with the goodbyes. He has already learnt to wave goodbye to me when my mum comes to babysit. And at 22 months, he understands when i tell him i will leave him but will come back.

I think its right to say that different kids are ready for preschool at different ages, and its our job as parents to ascertain when. He was clearly not ready at 18 mths, and the previous cc was a misfit. Im really glad how things turned out.. that i chose not to settle and continue hunting for a more suited cc. That i enrolled him at gymboree once weekly to prepare him.

I can truly say that this time, both of us are ready. He's ready to find and develop his independence and confidence mingling with others, and I'm ready to let go for him to learn and have the experience. :))

Hihi,

Good to hear that things are turning out well for you!!

My boy has finally moved from telling me he doesn't want to go to school everyday last year to now always stopping his nonsense/tantrums at home immediately when I tell him that naughty boys don't get to go to school. LOL~ Apparently, he loves his teachers this year...

[decollette]

Carolina:

decollette:

Hi everyone, its been awhile since i last visited this site, really heartening to see the helpful posts here.


Hi Carolina, in fact my boy is attending his first day at the new cc today which i picked months ago. Like you, i had visited all the ccs in my vicinity before deciding on this one. I like the environment, smaller ratio as well as warm teachers. I eventually did not choose putting him with the nanny, as she had another child to care for, and the child is still really young. And like what cherrygal mentioned, i do not think he will be stimulated enough being at the nanny's.

Also, Im glad i made the right move on enrolling him at once weekly sessions at gymboree. Since then, i can tell he enjoyed the activities and interaction with those his age. He started to show he enjoyed being in the company of others. And though it was a parent accompanied program, he will be busy in his newfound independence to even notice my presence. So this helped to prepare him for the CC.

And yes Carolina, the screaming and tears is just part of parenting and separation anxiety, with time and consistency i am sure to conquer it. So this time, i will not chicken out hahaa. Im also grateful for the teachers being supportive and their advice on helping me to overcome it. My son also bonded with one teacher so things are looking good. Shall just be consistent and quick with the goodbyes. He has already learnt to wave goodbye to me when my mum comes to babysit. And at 22 months, he understands when i tell him i will leave him but will come back.

I think its right to say that different kids are ready for preschool at different ages, and its our job as parents to ascertain when. He was clearly not ready at 18 mths, and the previous cc was a misfit. Im really glad how things turned out.. that i chose not to settle and continue hunting for a more suited cc. That i enrolled him at gymboree once weekly to prepare him.

I can truly say that this time, both of us are ready. He's ready to find and develop his independence and confidence mingling with others, and I'm ready to let go for him to learn and have the experience. :))

Hihi,

Good to hear that things are turning out well for you!!

My boy has finally moved from telling me he doesn't want to go to school everyday last year to now always stopping his nonsense/tantrums at home immediately when I tell him that naughty boys don't get to go to school. LOL~ Apparently, he loves his teachers this year...

I know of someone who said the exact same thing to his boy! hahah thats a good thing!

Its amazing how time flies! Barely a month into half day childcare and my boy has overcome his separation anxiety. Over the weekend, he even asks to go to school by carrying his bag and trying to wear his shoes lol.. Today was monday, Im thinking he might have the blues and whine abit.. but no..he was delighted and even jumped for joy (i think) when entering the school. No tears no fuss. I guess my worries were unfounded. Then again i think its a gd school as the kids look happy and well-adjusted.

BUt.. he seems to have become a fussy eater so i need some help/advise?
He wouldn't feed himself at childcare though he is capable of doing it (he does feed himself at times at home) so the teacher has to feed him and even so he only manages a few mouthfuls. He doesn't take breakfast much, just a few nibbles of bread and his fm when he wakes in the morning, thats all.
Then i noticed at home he starts to be fussy.. only things he really likes he will have it. Otherwise, he even spits it back into the bowl which really angers me! So far, he's even done this one time at childcare. (teacher feedback to me) In time, he will attend full day childcare, and im so afraid his little intake of food will be bad for him. He used to be a big and fast eater, so i do not know why is he acting this way..
Any input or suggestions on what i can do?

[cherrygal]

Find out the menu of the childcare centre. How is it different from what you feed him normally? Could it be the textures or the tastes?


What time does he have his snack? If he gets a snack too late, he may have no appetite left for dinner.

You also mentioned that he’s ok with things he really likes. So why don’t you just give him what he likes with the other food you are trying to introduce? I have given in to putting the occasional pork floss or seaweed snacks together with the main meals. It’s ok as long as they eat the main meals.

Sometimes, this refusal of food is just a short phase or he could be unwell.

My gal was opposite. She used to only want porridge but after attending childcare, her appetite has improved and she is willing to take in adult food without the need to blend. She has also learnt to feed herself there.