Advice Needed Urgently! Withdraw from SAP Sec School !
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Littlefly:
He was not tutored. His parents could not really help him with PSLE. He has the habit of telling his parents what he needs. Hence, his parents probably helped by getting him the resources he needs for PSLE? He is thus a highly independent learner even in primary school?
(1) Was this child heavily tutored in primary school?
Not at all. In fact, he pride himself as the only kid in the class without having any tuition, besides my brother can't afford it.
(2) What are the parents' educational qualifications and employment status?
Diploma holders and mother is SAHM.
(5) Who is the person this child is closest too, and what is this relationship like?
Parents only. No friend. He treats others cordially but orders his parents around like an emperor.
I took the liberty to make some assumptions and guesses. Please correct me if I was wrong anywhere above.
It looks to me like you've a Thomas Edison on your hands. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Edison
If the above guesses are true and your nephew is a highly independent learner, then he hates being taught and loves to discover. He hates learning in a competitive environment and wants to enjoy his learning. I would arrange with the Principal to let him take long leave of absence... and have him take the exams twice a year to get progress data points for him to check his progress.
Syllabus can be downloaded. Materials aplenty can be found in NLB. If he is highly independent, he will email people who can answer his questions. 2 decades ago, one of my friends actually wrote to Isaac Asimov over some physics questions his Teachers and parents could not answer... and made friends with the man before the latter passed away. We all thought the guy was a weirdo because unlike him, we're not geniuses... and we couldn't understand him at all.
Today, this fellow is a surgeon and lives at a really swanky place in Europe and chills out in South America with other notables. Boy am I sad that I didn't try to date him. Weird is the new sexy. Give your nephew a chance?
If he doesn't accept to negotiate terms then you might wanna generate some questions that will lead him through some details of an implementation plan.
(1) How will you know what materials to cover?
(2) How will you check progress?
(3) What is at the end, '0' levels... high school credits?
(4) Etc...
Instead of telling him what to do (i.e., giving him terms), give him the issue and ask him to suggest solutions to the challenges you see. -
so this case has nothing to do with being in a SAP school
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Littlefly:
Hi Littlefly,
Any parents here also do home-schooling for your kids ?
How do you do it?
Any providers who specializes in IT yet offer a formal secondary education.
I have PMed you the contact of this lady who is homeschooling her teenage daughter. I believe the group of secondary school homeschoolers in Singapore is still active. Like 2ppaamm, some are also taking the credit accumulation path. Not long ago, someone wrote about using AP & SAT to gain admission into local universities. You can check with the lady for more information (such as social interaction, curriculum etc) on homeschooling secondary school kids.
All the best. -
Littlefly, I looked at what you said about your nephew and yes, I do have a syllabus for him, and he probably can make it to the university in 2 years given his ability. I make this guess based on what you have written on this thread.
But, I have also made a few assumptions:
1. That he is motivated enough to get the syllabus done.
2. That he is an independent learner and will finish the course, there are 23 subjects altogether.
3. That he is teachable, and not cynical.
I am also worried about his social and emotional status:
1. Can he do sports or arts? He must learn to take instructions from someone outside the family. Perhaps not school teachers, but someone who is reasonable and responsible. What are his interests? Sports, arts, robotics etc etc. He must find a passion, or for some, many passions.
2. I can fully understand his situation in class. I think he is having massive anxiety problems (to be afraid to be called out in class) and is too smart to want to see any more counselors. To these children, the anxiety and fear is very real, and we should never downplay this. And yes, with such anxiety, it is difficult for him to go to school. There are many incidents the kid just crumble and never joins the school system again.
3. Looks to me that he is a good candidate for Autodidacticism. He is a good self-learner. If we all focus on his positive side rather than his negatives, perhaps he would open up and let us into his world.
Problem
1. I'm leaving Singapore in a month and I'm not sure if I can help him, if I were to give him the syllabus, and I'm not here to monitor him, can his mother do a good job? I'm worried for the SAHM, because it is not easy to deal with a kid like this. If he stays home all the time, she is endangered mentally, because he doesn't sound easy to deal with.
2. When he is done with all his credentials and ready for university, who is going to fund his university, and who is going to put him to university?
3. Singapore universities will not take him because he will only be 14 or 15. They have changed the policies and take in only 18 years old. DS1 was lucky there was no such policy a few years back, my other kids had to go overseas. Where does his parents want to send him then? I am not confident I can get him a overseas scholarship. And for a boy, it is very difficult to get a scholarship before he finishes NS. And no, I don't believe in holding a child back, because my program only takes 2-3 hours a day to homeschool, if we slow him down, he will have too much free time, and to me, that means idling around too much. Not good for a young inquiring mind.
4. Next, what are his interests? Let's say we finish his high school and he wants to go to the university. What does he want to study? Who will help him with planning his life, if he refuses to open up? Can his parents guide him on a career path?
NS
1. How are we going to handle NS here? Who is going to prepare him for NS? The officers are not going to take those rubbish from him. He can escape from school, but he cannot escape from NS.
2. Practicality of NS. When should he enlist? After university? (Actually, I can also find him a reputable homeschool university, but he still has to go overseas for a summer or two for residency) However, I am worried that while I can help with the academic side, he might not be totally prepared for the NS emotionally.
One of my kids have massive anxiety problems as well, and it was caused by traumas from school. Because of the lack of understanding, this anxiety soon caused a depression. However, my son is not very sociable but loves friends. He has a few very good friends though he cannot make friends easily. His few friends remain as friends like forever. I think this is the part your nephew needs. You mentioned he has no friends?
I also put my son in many sports. He gets along very well with his coaches and they understand him very well. They will make him go beyond his limits, and lately, as he sees his muscles growing and fats melting (haha), he is getting more motivated. I think this is important. You need kids to be able to take instructions from someone outside the family, might be just one or two people, but someone else. I also like that he learns to conquer fear and anxiety, and realize things are not as fearful as he thinks. When he is dead tired, his coach ask him to go for another round. He is doing sports competitively, and trains 4 times a week now. Give your nephew little challenges everyday, (go speak to stranger, make a new friend in a new place) etc. This will make him braver. This was how we started his recovery, and my son is one year younger than your nephew.
All those abuse on other people? I venture to guess that it is his way of protecting himself. Believe it or not. I went through this as well, for three years, often when he is cornered, he will 'protect' himself. I think the boy is suffering trauma. He does not know how else to defend himself. If everyone stops pointing fingers at him and criticize him, his violence will end. My method was to give him no chance to exercise this violence. His parents? I think the parenting style is a bit too soft, and there is a basic power struggle. (I'm a bit too critical here, sorry...)
I am not sure of your nephew, but sometimes, he just needs a boost of self-esteem. If you cannot get him to see a counselor, how about telling him that he will be seeing someone who will advise him how to be a genius? It worked for my son. And that was the turning point. And, that person is really a genius, though he also does therapies! (Don't ever lie to any child, they will not trust you any more one day.)
I spent a lot on my son on the recovery road (tens and tens of thousand). The education system is a scary one for a very bright but afraid child, and it took me years to reverse the harm caused. But I think we're done with the reversal, found a sweet spot and we've moved on.
Hope this helps, and let me know if you need anything from me.
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Emotionally, things might improve once the stressors are removed?
If the parents stop fighting with him and try to understand and support him, maybe things will improve?
He seems very lonely.
My son would probably end up like that if I did not actively buffer him. Socially and emotionally DS is nothing like his sister. I had to do quite a lot of buffering... even down to messing with the mental models of his Teacher (who initially told me he was lazy, arrogant and had a bad attitude). I actually developed a conscious strategy to change what she thought, without ever trying to change my son. Being a psychologist, I knew exactly what to do.
Since I've never accelerated DS at all, I'm now stuck with a massive syllabus to get through in these 2 years. Those who've been accelerated via enrichment through the years don't have a problem I think. To temper the stress and speed up learning (because there was so much to cover), I homeschooled him for 10 weeks last year.
After reading 2ppaamm's sharing and the sharing of another Mommy who left a note on my blog, I deeply regret refusing to provide structured acceleration in his early primary years. Even though he isn't gifted, I think he could have accelerated too if I had put in the effort (and had less faith in MOE). After all, he did complete the whole P5 Math syllabus in one week when homeschooling last year... and he did bring his Chinese up by 2 years over the period of 1.5 months. Though it required 8 hours of sustained work a day, it was very doable. If I wasn't capped by the syllabus, he would have moved even faster in some niche areas.
Socially and emotionally, the homeschool benefited him too. After all, it isn't as if the system in school is any good at turning out people with internal drive. All these obedient people (managed by fear and scoldings) of course have no initiative of their own. My son actively directs his own learning at home. We discuss process and content. He wants to do well at PSLE... and has the drive for it.
Schools motivate kids by terrorising them with failure. Take it from a researcher in the field of human motivation that THAT is the best way to kill drive. -
Chenonceau:
Motivating? I cannot agree that they are motivating the kids. And I agree fully they use terror. Real terror. Can you imagine how it is like for a 7 year old in P1? My son (DS3) shit in his pants out of fear literally, and they just hosed him down, and called me in.
Schools motivate kids by terrorising them. Take it from a researcher in the field of human motivation that THAT is the best way to kill drive.
Some kids are just more timid and their methods just won't work anymore. But they will thrive if we would just show patience and love. We are a first world country, let's see some first world way of treatment of kids in school. And, boys have it worse than girls, almost all the time. Girls are social animals by nature and often darlings. -
2ppaamm:
Oh dear... shit in his pants... oh dear... and the Teacher did not feel remorse? It would break my heart if I ever caused a little boy to shit in his pants.
Motivating? I cannot agree that they are motivating the kids. And I agree fully they use terror. Real terror. Can you imagine how it is like for a 7 year old in P1? My son (DS3) shit in his pants out of fear literally, and they just hosed him down, and called me in.Chenonceau:
Schools motivate kids by terrorising them. Take it from a researcher in the field of human motivation that THAT is the best way to kill drive. -
chamonix:
Hi,
Hi Littlefly,Littlefly:
Any parents here also do home-schooling for your kids ?
How do you do it?
Any providers who specializes in IT yet offer a formal secondary education.
I have PMed you the contact of this lady who is homeschooling her teenage daughter. I believe the group of secondary school homeschoolers in Singapore is still active. Like 2ppaamm, some are also taking the credit accumulation path. Not long ago, someone wrote about using AP & SAT to gain admission into local universities. You can check with the lady for more information (such as social interaction, curriculum etc) on homeschooling secondary school kids.
All the best.
Can you please PM me too? :thankyou: -
Chenonceau:
Oh dear... shit in his pants... oh dear... and the Teacher did not feel remorse? It would break my heart if I ever caused a little boy to shit in his pants.[/quote]I think the teacher did not even know she caused this. Some kids are just more timid, though many of them put up a different front. Some kids are fearful of schools. Teachers should be more well-trained. They do not know how much anxiety they can cause children. Just if they know how they have affected some small kids' lives.
Motivating? I cannot agree that they are motivating the kids. And I agree fully they use terror. Real terror. Can you imagine how it is like for a 7 year old in P1? My son (DS3) shit in his pants out of fear literally, and they just hosed him down, and called me in.2ppaamm:
[quote=\"Chenonceau\"]
Schools motivate kids by terrorising them. Take it from a researcher in the field of human motivation that THAT is the best way to kill drive. -
Although I believe in the benefits of home-schooling, I don’t think the boy should be home-schooled just so that he can avoid interacting with others. I think that would make him even more alienated from society.
I’d try to find out more about the underlying cause of his behaviour. Why doesn’t he like to answer questions in class? Is he afraid of getting the answers wrong? Do his current classmates tease him a lot?
If he dislikes his current school, perhaps a transfer could help him?
I think, above all, this child needs to be taught coping skills. His parents need to be very patient and firm.
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