Advice Needed Urgently! Withdraw from SAP Sec School !

[2ppaamm]

Chenonceau:

2ppaamm:

[quote=\"Chenonceau\"]
Schools motivate kids by terrorising them. Take it from a researcher in the field of human motivation that THAT is the best way to kill drive.

Motivating? I cannot agree that they are motivating the kids. And I agree fully they use terror. Real terror. Can you imagine how it is like for a 7 year old in P1? My son (DS3) shit in his pants out of fear literally, and they just hosed him down, and called me in.

Oh dear... shit in his pants... oh dear... and the Teacher did not feel remorse? It would break my heart if I ever caused a little boy to shit in his pants.[/quote]I think the teacher did not even know she caused this. Some kids are just more timid, though many of them put up a different front. Some kids are fearful of schools. Teachers should be more well-trained. They do not know how much anxiety they can cause children. Just if they know how they have affected some small kids' lives.

[Mdm Koh]

Although I believe in the benefits of home-schooling, I don’t think the boy should be home-schooled just so that he can avoid interacting with others. I think that would make him even more alienated from society.


I’d try to find out more about the underlying cause of his behaviour. Why doesn’t he like to answer questions in class? Is he afraid of getting the answers wrong? Do his current classmates tease him a lot?

If he dislikes his current school, perhaps a transfer could help him?

I think, above all, this child needs to be taught coping skills. His parents need to be very patient and firm.

[Bbee]

kitty2:

chamonix:

[quote=\"Littlefly\"]

Any parents here also do home-schooling for your kids ?
How do you do it?
Any providers who specializes in IT yet offer a formal secondary education.

Hi Littlefly,

I have PMed you the contact of this lady who is homeschooling her teenage daughter. I believe the group of secondary school homeschoolers in Singapore is still active. Like 2ppaamm, some are also taking the credit accumulation path. Not long ago, someone wrote about using AP & SAT to gain admission into local universities. You can check with the lady for more information (such as social interaction, curriculum etc) on homeschooling secondary school kids.

All the best.

Hi,

Can you please PM me too? :thankyou:[/quote]Would appreciate if you could PM me too. Many thanks in advance.

[Littlefly]

Thank you all. Foremost, I am very touched and warmed by your replies! I phoned my bro to tell him there’s hope the moment i saw the replies received here. He told me my nephew was crying the other day when he adamantly refused to return to school when he made the suicide threat. And all this while, I thought my nephew made it in an act of wilfulness… i could be so wrong…


Chenonceau
Yes, its a great idea to ask if the Prinicpal allows him to take the exams. My bro explored this with his son too but he thought very ‘paiseh’ to go back and take the exams…

P/s: LOL-ing over your post "…this fellow is a surgeon…Boy am I sad that I didn’t try to date him…"

I really hope things will improve once the stressors are removed. I also hope my bro and SIL will learn how to manage him better as well and not allow him to abuse them physically. My brother said my nephew is very self-centered and not even kind at heart. Its appalling to hear that. I wonder if its the way he’s brought up by over-indulgent parents eager to please him or its inborn?

Chamonix
Thanks for the PM. My bro is quite concerned about planning the timetable for his son, etc. He feels my nephew could slack after a while.


2ppaamm
So far none but in Primary, he has completed swimming lessons before with a private instructor who volunteered his services after witnessing my nephew’s fear/anxiety at the pool.

Yes yes. He’s afraid to be called out in class. He told my brother he kept praying and praying hard not to be called out until his mind goes blank.

Problem
1. Are you leaving Singapore for good? Will you continue to visit this forum? Actually I felt my SIL needs counselling herself on how to handle her child. I think she’s overly protective at times.

2. University funding - KIV this.

3. My brother said he’s lazy. So 2-3hr program will suit him.

4. My nephew greatest interests are in computer related stuff. He downloads softwares, builds his own web page, shoot his own you-tube video, etc.

NS - this would be a tough one.

Parenting style
NO doubt about it being too soft. All of us think this has resulted in his behavior but his parents kept insisting he is a ‘special’ boy. My bro is quite soft and gentle.

The counselor you mentioned, is he/she still available? does it costs a bomb?

[Chenonceau]

Littlefly:

4. My nephew greatest interests are in computer related stuff. He downloads softwares, builds his own web page, shoot his own you-tube video, etc.

Steve Jobs was a bum too. It seems that Jobs also was not a nice person up close and personal. When God gives a mother (and father) a special (weird) child, he anoints 2 saints... and such kids hate the rest of the world because they are frustrated at not being understood. Such children need prayer. Lots 'cos very often they go (in their minds) where we cannot go (and their genius lies in going where no one has ever been). Steve Jobs lead the whole WORLD into experiences that began first in HIS head.

http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2009/09/where-least-amongst-us-is-great.html

[Littlefly]

Chenonceau, that’s very kind of you to infer my nephew could be a genius but all we hope is he won’t commit sucide, harm his parents or other innocent parties in any way. My brother (a buddhist) has said his son is not born to be kind. He is very selfish and not capable of showing any compassion. I do not know my nephew well enough to make any observations. He seemed to be living in his own world (plus internet plus his parents only).

[Littlefly]

Just want to rant. So pissed off with my brother. I smsed him the email addresses i received so far to reach out to mummies experienced in homeschooling and he asked me to write on his behalf. I told him to do it himself as he is the parent and he said his English is poor (he is chinese educated). Told him to ask my nephew to go email himself and he said my nephew won't do it. Then in the end, he said he will draft the requests for me to vet before sending over. I told him i cannot be the middle person (redirecting email traffic) forever, he has to step up.


Maybe I am also impatient with him coz my lil one is feeling under the weather..:(

[Snow Crystal]

Littlefly:

Maybe I am also impatient with him coz my lil one is feeling under the weather..:(

You are a great sibling to be so concerned. I would think homeschooling requires dedicated parents and your bro and SIL don't seem suitable if they can't even take the initiative to touch base with the homeschoolers. I see parents like 2ppaamm are extremely encouraging, motivating and dedicated parents who have initiative to sail the unchartered seas (at least local context wise). Perhaps your brother or you can share with your nephew on the uni credits system and if your nephew is interested, he can explore that route all by himself with the material, forms etc. But funding for uni when he qualifies will be a problem. Ask your brother to talk to school on Chen's suggestion to self study then go school exams only. He sounds like very independent so he may be able to self study all by himself. Any questions email the teachers. At least give him a life buoy. The nephew seems to be at his wits end *poor boy* so please ask your brother to look at the situation from the angle of his son and not from society. On the other hand, if his only main problem is anxiety over answering questions, can't special arrangements be made with the SAP school to request that questions not to be directed at him. He seems to be a bright independent boy - don't write him off juz because he's special and different. It's interesting that the same boy may be labelled as trouble maker or a Thomas Edison, depending on the parents' perspective.

[Mdm Koh]

Littlefly:

My brother (a buddhist) has said his son is not born to be kind. He is very selfish and not capable of showing any compassion. I do not know my nephew well enough to make any observations. He seemed to be living in his own world (plus internet plus his parents only).

Every child is born with a clean slate. Your nephew is the way he is now because of parental indulgence.

[2ppaamm]

Littlefly:

Just want to rant. So pissed off with my brother. I smsed him the email addresses i received so far to reach out to mummies experienced in homeschooling and he asked me to write on his behalf. I told him to do it himself as he is the parent and he said his English is poor (he is chinese educated). Told him to ask my nephew to go email himself and he said my nephew won't do it. Then in the end, he said he will draft the requests for me to vet before sending over. I told him i cannot be the middle person (redirecting email traffic) forever, he has to step up.


Maybe I am also impatient with him coz my lil one is feeling under the weather..:(

Get your nephew to seek help himself. It is always better that way.