Should you reward your child for A grades?
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Not always, only sometimes and these were mostly unrelated to school work.
It started with trying to get DD to practise something that was really tedious and probably not fun :oops: and when she finally delivered the required result, I gave her some presents like stationery or books, or allow her to open an unopened box of toys that was given or bought sometime ago.
Maybe that was a mistake.. But don't know how else to motivate her at that point in time. Now, she usually tries her luck to get us to give her something whenever she does well. Sometimes I do, but most times, I don't. Not sure if the approach is right?
Anyway, have found a good way to :siam: After getting a distinction from a music exam, she tried to ask for a present (don't think she specified anything). Told her she had to get me and her teacher a present instead since we had helped her achieve that distinction... she :siam: far far and never asked again.
Still, I have been thinking how to get her to do her daily practice without me having to nag or remind. She wants that distinction, but is just too lazy. Anyone has any idea? :scratchhead: Or am I expecting too much from a child? Schoolwork wise, she is fine though. -
yes, will reward. all part of a good behaviour mean reward. the difficulty is not making them do just for the sake of a reward e.g. a compliment, more play time, a gift, something they want to do like swimming. very hard balance.
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Rewards should be given for good grades and good behaviour. But like what winchester said, there need to be a balance.
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If i’m only given the above choices then my ans is No. However, I do reward my child for good grades and behaviour.
Reward can be in various forms not necessary $. If we start doing that at very young age I’m afraid the chlid may become money-grubbing which do more harm than good.
Why not get a present, go for show they like or a treat at the restaurant of their choice? I think all these are much better and healthier than giving $. -
KSP:
Oh! Was the poll question referring to only monetary rewards? I thought he meant rewards that cost <$50, <$500, etc.If i'm only given the above choices then my ans is No. However, I do reward my child for good grades and behaviour.
Reward can be in various forms not necessary $. If we start doing that at very young age I'm afraid the chlid may become money-grubbing which do more harm than good.
Why not get a present, go for show they like or a treat at the restaurant of their choice? I think all these are much better and healthier than giving $. -
No, we don’t reward with money or gifts. At times we just go out to have a meal to celebrate. Need not be an expensive meal too.
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Busymom:
I meant the reward value... Not cash.
Oh! Was the poll question referring to only monetary rewards? I thought he meant rewards that cost <$50, <$500, etc.KSP:
If i'm only given the above choices then my ans is No. However, I do reward my child for good grades and behaviour.
Reward can be in various forms not necessary $. If we start doing that at very young age I'm afraid the chlid may become money-grubbing which do more harm than good.
Why not get a present, go for show they like or a treat at the restaurant of their choice? I think all these are much better and healthier than giving $.
Got parents give cash rewards?
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Yes, some parents do give cash rewards for the kids to buy whatever they want or go out with friends.
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Daddy
[/quote]Prof Richard Ryan is not just any psychologist. He is a highly respected researcher in the field of Human Motivation... and is no way comparable to some of the so called \"experts\" featured in that column some times.
http://www.straitstimes.com/Think/Story/STIStory_784027.html
For those who have not seen this article... Thought it's a good read to share.
[quote]
Psychology expert warns that the child may end up seeing a reward as the goal
Say you are a parent trying to get your son to aim for all A*s in the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE). To get him to work hard, you promise him a reward - a trip to Disneyland or the sleek, new iPad, $150 for every A*.
Sounds like a sure-win strategy, and you know others who have used it to good effect. What child can resist the promise of a big reward?
And all you want is for him to ace the PSLE and make it to a top secondary school, because he will then sail through the rest of his school days and be set for life.
Hold on just a minute, says motivational psychology expert Richard Ryan from Rochester University, New York.
That is definitely the wrong tactic if you want your child to fly solo and take responsibility for his own learning.
'If a parent were to say, 'I will give you this if you achieve all As', the child is likely to do it for that reward,' he says. 'It also means that subsequently, he will think, well, the only reason to learn is to get the reward. If I am not getting the reward that I want, I am not interested in learning.'
The negative consequences are not always immediately apparent, and this strategy puts the responsibility for learning on the parent.
'Now the parent is the one who has to monitor the child, instead of a child assimilating and really internalising the value of learning and hard work, which is really what we want to develop,' Professor Ryan says.
Parents can show they appreciate their children's effort without killing the motivation to learn.
'It would be better if a parent, after his child does well, says, 'Let's go out and celebrate, we will have a meal or something.' In my country, it's always pizza. This is not undermining, because it is acknowledging and celebrating something competently done,' he says.
'And once the reward is over, they'll do no more. You're not helping their interests grow,' he says......
If I had known he was in Singapore, I would have stalked him like a groupie. He has done many experiments on the effects of external rewards on self-motivation. His results have been replicated by many others including myself. External rewards reduce self-motivation. The more you use it, the less self-motivated your child will be because the child is motivated by external motivation.
It's a bit like a heroin addiction. People in the course of healthy living can get high on happiness or joy. Introduce heroin and the human body becomes addicted to this drug high. Heroin weakens the body. External rewards weakens self-will and self-motivation.
Like VKS2010, I don't reward my kids for getting A grades. The A grades should be reward enough. The result? VKS2010 may not be GEP, but they are highly driven to succeed for the sake of success and learning. My DD worked really hard for her A levels and once ended up in hospital from overwork - also NO rewards. DS insists on working on Sundays and I have to veto his decision to do so - NO rewards.
The moment you start giving rewards, you WON'T get this level of self-motivation. It isn't even a question of whether this is true or whether people agree. I can find you 10 published studies all with the same findings. I've tried the same experiment with different groups of managers twice a year for 4 years - same results as Prof Richard Ryan. It's also not a case of external motivation + self-motivation = More Motivation. The 2 are in inverse relationship. The higher the external motivation, the lower the self-motivation.
I flee external rewards like plague for my kids. It's not just another viable motivation option. It is a dangerous one.
Parents who complain that their kids must be asked to study... needs people right next to them... often fail to make the link back to the few occasions where they gave external rewards for achievement. You want your child to achieve, for the sake of achieving... and ONCE (one reward in a whole childhood) is enough to break that mindset.
My kids too think it is their responsibility and their joy to reach for the skies... no reward is expected.
I applauded when ST published that article and cannot for the life of me comprehend that MOE (who should be expert on how to motivate kids) seems ignorant of a well-researched phenomenon as this - and proposed Edusave cash for character. I wanted to blog about it but since Richard Ryan said his piece, I shut up and admired him as a groupie should. -
So it is alright to go out to have a meal to celebrate, but not so alright to buy presents. Why so? Would appreciate some perspectives on this.
What about whole family going for a trip overseas? Is that too much as well?
Chen, where are thou?
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