Husband drinks & stays out late - Does yours?
-
3Boys:
Agree with you here. Women have to learn not to neglect themselves in the course of caring for the kids and men have to take on a bigger role in child minding and housekeeping to give their wives the time and energy needed to take care of themselves.
The relationship certainly changes when children come along, but it is not inevitable that the spark will die.
My philosophy is to put the spouse first. Ahead of the kids, ahead of work. My wife and I take a annual vacation to somewhere interesting without the kids, we have a fortnightly dinner out, we spa once in a while, and we buy each other lotsa stuff. I especially like to buy dresses for the DW when I travel, and have been told by her gal-friends that I am exceptionally good at it.
Both the husband and wife have a role to play. Although I am likely to get flamed here, one of the issues may be that once the children come along, the mum's priorities change and they don't pay so much attention to dressing up and doing 'fun' things with the hubby. Men too fail to get involved with the family and create resentment.
Communication, Intimacy and Romance, key to a marriage, kids or not. And yes, it can be done. Dress up, be flirty, go spend some quality time over dinner, check into a local hotel for an evening, rediscover the man you fell in love him, let him rediscover the woman he had his tongue hanging out for.
And women, when the men do pitch in, appreciate the help instead of criticising that it is not up to your standard. :razz: :xedfingers: -
My husband came back around 4:22am this morning, and he is not coming home for dinner tonigh, he also informed me not to prepare his dinner from now on as he will be busy entertaining his clients…i m feeling lousy…
the only 2 persons whom i can "chat " with are my boy during the morning breakfast time, he left for school around 10:45am.
the other person whom i can "chat" with is my girl but i have to wait till 4:33pm as she has to stay back for oral today…
Between 10:45am to 4:30pm, no one speak to me, hubby was busy at work, i mobbed the floor, washed and cleaned the turtle’s tank, and now i have to start preparing dinner for my 2 kids ( i will have the left over lunch as my dinners …)
my life…
so, m i alone ?? -
snowball:
My husband came back around 4:22am this morning, and he is not coming home for dinner tonigh, he also informed me not to prepare his dinner from now on as he will be busy entertaining his clients.....i m feeling lousy....
the only 2 persons whom i can \"chat \" with are my boy during the morning breakfast time, he left for school around 10:45am.
the other person whom i can \"chat\" with is my girl but i have to wait till 4:33pm as she has to stay back for oral today...
Between 10:45am to 4:30pm, no one speak to me, hubby was busy at work, i mobbed the floor, washed and cleaned the turtle's tank, and now i have to start preparing dinner for my 2 kids ( i will have the left over lunch as my dinners ...)
my life.........
so, m i alone ??
Not alone.
After sending DH & kids to school at 7am, I'm alone till ~5pm cos' kids these days have either CCA or supp class. On some days, they rushed thru' dinner and go for tuition....till after 9pm. Frankly, I dun even really chat much with them cos they need to rush schoolwork, dun want to delay them so that they get to rest and sleep.
DH generally reach home ~8-9pm.....and then either watch his TV or do some work. There was a period things were quite cold between us.....cos' no enough interaction/communication, but things are better these days as kids are older and we can go out for 1-2 hours (kopi session, supper, NTUC grocery shopping etc). MIL comes back at about 5+pm but seriously, I rather not chat with her.
So basically, I have not much life too.....so I end up 'talk' in KSP
Have a SAHM friend (DD's ex-classmate mommy). But cos' of kids' schedule, we are always busy running errands and timing can't click. Anyway, we try to meet 1-2 times a month for lunch.
Sometimes, I go find my parents.....
On your DH.....wah, back at 4.22am and not eat dinner at home from now on.
For how long? Dun sound good leh. Sorry I know sometimes it's work.....but personally, I find it unhealthy and worrying. Guess that's me.....that's why when I look for boyfriend last time, I basically eliminate the talkative & too sociable type cos' I cannot take it when my MAN hang around other women (highly jealous)
:oops:
-
BeContented:
for how long? he did not say....
For how long? Dun sound good leh. Sorry I know sometimes it's work.....but personally, I find it unhealthy and worrying. Guess that's me.....that's why when I look for boyfriend last time, I basically eliminate the talkative & too sociable type cos' I cannot take it when my MAN hang around other women (highly jealous) :oops:
in the past, he was actually out for his \"ME\" time, now he is out for his \"career\" ... i think is due to the reason that i have switched to being a SAHM recently....
actually, whether is for his ME time or for his CAREER, i find no different, he is always back EARLY in the morning, i m looking forward to his returning home to fetch the kid from school or at least join us for family dinner.....
BUT, i am glad to hear from you that at least i m not ALONE... :roll: -
snowball:
Hope I'm not being kapo.....
for how long? he did not say....BeContented:
For how long? Dun sound good leh. Sorry I know sometimes it's work.....but personally, I find it unhealthy and worrying. Guess that's me.....that's why when I look for boyfriend last time, I basically eliminate the talkative & too sociable type cos' I cannot take it when my MAN hang around other women (highly jealous) :oops:
in the past, he was actually out for his \"ME\" time, now he is out for his \"career\" ... i think is due to the reason that i have switched to being a SAHM recently....
actually, whether is for his ME time or for his CAREER, i find no different, he is always back EARLY in the morning, i m looking forward to his returning home to fetch the kid from school or at least join us for family dinner.....
BUT, i am glad to hear from you that at least i m not ALONE... :roll:
But to me, it's a warning sign.....
DH used to have some 'ME' time only 2-3 times a month and he's generally back by 1am. But it became more frequent and the last straw for me came when he was home 4am one day. We had some issues for a while and fortunately, he knew my fear/concern and made effort eg. reduce frequency, be home by 2am, spend more time with me etc. While I know we should trust and give freedom, but sometimes we cannot bo-chap, must be pro-active and nip it at the bud before things go out of hand...... -
just like applecrips...how to chiap? i dont know how to make him change....been trying for years... :?
-
Snowball & becontended, I am a SAHM too. I am alone from 6am to 6pm, sometimes will be shorter when DS dont have any CCA or Supp classes. How I spend my time? I normally will bake bread/cakes for my family or browse books/blogs for good/new recipe to try. I never knew that I enjoy baking bread until I stay at home & "spot" KSP (they have a thread on bread making), that inspired me to go ahead & make my very 1st bread.
So what I want to say is if we can find some hobbies we like, time will passes real fast. There are great self satisfaction when we see the result too. We must refrain from relying on others to find happiness, I know it’s difficult, I am trying & learning too. -
snowball:
just like applecrips...how to chiap? i dont know how to make him change....been trying for years... :?
Don't ever think of changing a man, most of the time we will be disappointed. A leopard won't change it's spot. Since you have tried so many years & failed, I think it's time you make yourself happy by doing things you like. Life is short make full use of it. 加油 together! -
Flowermonaster:
y didnt i think of that? \" is time i must make myself happy ! n stop feeling guilty for things beyong my control\"
Don't ever think of changing a man, most of the time we will be disappointed. A leopard won't change it's spot. Since you have tried so many years & failed, I think it's time you make yourself happy by doing things you like. Life is short make full use of it. 加油 together!
-
I feel for you snowball. <hug>
I always think that a couple must share the chores and participate in the kids’ activities. You mentioned you just switched to becoming a SAHM. I think you must let him know that he cannot throw everything to you just becoz you are a SAHM. If that’s the case, get a part time job or go back to work. Put the kids in student care and make him responsible for fetching at least one of the kids home. That’s what I get my hubby to do even though I work part time and have my own car. I don’t want a maid so he knows he better help out since I have to cook and clean. Sometimes these men think they can lord over us as they are the sole breadwinner.
I dunno how the balance of power is at your household but if you have been tolerating him all these years, it’s gonna be a little difficult to change things. You could make small changes by going back to work, getting rid of the maid if any, and make his contribution absolutely "necessary". He would be forced by circumstances to come home to help out.
So far, he has been too pampered and tolerated by you, the superwoman. Don’t pao ka liao anymore.
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login