Husband drinks & stays out late - Does yours?

[cherrygal]

I feel for you snowball. <hug>


I always think that a couple must share the chores and participate in the kids’ activities. You mentioned you just switched to becoming a SAHM. I think you must let him know that he cannot throw everything to you just becoz you are a SAHM. If that’s the case, get a part time job or go back to work. Put the kids in student care and make him responsible for fetching at least one of the kids home. That’s what I get my hubby to do even though I work part time and have my own car. I don’t want a maid so he knows he better help out since I have to cook and clean. Sometimes these men think they can lord over us as they are the sole breadwinner.

I dunno how the balance of power is at your household but if you have been tolerating him all these years, it’s gonna be a little difficult to change things. You could make small changes by going back to work, getting rid of the maid if any, and make his contribution absolutely "necessary". He would be forced by circumstances to come home to help out.

So far, he has been too pampered and tolerated by you, the superwoman. Don’t pao ka liao anymore.

[hokkiengirl]

cherrygal:

I feel for you snowball. <hug>


I always think that a couple must share the chores and participate in the kids' activities. You mentioned you just switched to becoming a SAHM. I think you must let him know that he cannot throw everything to you just becoz you are a SAHM. If that's the case, get a part time job or go back to work. Put the kids in student care and make him responsible for fetching at least one of the kids home. That's what I get my hubby to do even though I work part time and have my own car. I don't want a maid so he knows he better help out since I have to cook and clean. Sometimes these men think they can lord over us as they are the sole breadwinner.

I dunno how the balance of power is at your household but if you have been tolerating him all these years, it's gonna be a little difficult to change things. You could make small changes by going back to work, getting rid of the maid if any, and make his contribution absolutely \"necessary\". He would be forced by circumstances to come home to help out.

So far, he has been too pampered and tolerated by you, the superwoman. Don't pao ka liao anymore.

I second this! If you can, quietly make plans for your financial independence, then when you are ready and in a position to issue an ultimatum, have a serious discussion with him. Quarrel if need be. That's what I did with my husband when I first became a SAHM. The men will seldom admit it, but their attitudes towards us change when we no longer bring in money for the family. Frankly, few men respect the role of a sahm, although we know its value. I had to push him all the way to change by making it clear I would no longer tolerate being treated badly and as if I didn't have a brain. They really do start to take us for granted and make ridiculous demands if we are not careful. And we are picking a fight for our children's sakes. It's not good for the kids to see that the 'model' of marriage is an MCP-daddy bullying their mummy. But please remember to be ready for nasty stuff if you do start fighting for your rights. I was prepared to be separated from him if I had to, if that's what it took to wake him up. Always remember that you are special, you are doing it for your children and you are someone worthy of respect!!! Jia you!!!

[Chenonceau]

hokkiengirl… you are amazing. I completely agree. I would do the same to bring the balance of power back onto an even keel.

[longmao.029846irene]

Wow I like tis topic!! So v MY CASE!!


I fully support Hokkiengirl’s theory! Coz me also same same!! Fr full time to part time n now fully SAHM, my man nvr chg. still party n drink as usual! Dun ever expect them to chg! I dun believe in maid thus nvr n ever will hv one. So I am mrs cum! Cum kaliao! I expect him to help bt his drinking habits die hard! Or mayb a form of escape fr him fr hm or fr me??!! Wahaha
Men nvr like to voluntary help out, me like hokkiengirl reali gv it to him! Of coz after every Worldwar, knock sm sense to him bt well after few weeks he is bk to being "mr lim" ( hokkien word for drinking) so my WW 3 starts again!
U mus reali trash it out otherwise they Tik is so easy to run d whole hse hold, teach ur kids, do laundry, cook wash clean etc!! I know how they Tik coz my Lao reali Tik Initally I got lots of time to kill asking me to reboot his whole PC sys! Siao!!
Aniway, Tx all for listening

[snowball]

Dear all, many thanks i m feeling much lighter now


Hi applecrisps, try this, ( i just did ) ,;

i get my daughter to call him just now, n tell him that she is waiting for papa to have dinner with her, n asked where is he...guess what?

he came back w/i 1/2 hr to have dinner with her (only), n fetch my younger boy back fr tuition class, bought me supper, n now he is tucking them to bed ! n i m typing all this out to share my joyce with u...

i read this from xmasbaby \"---

\" I came across one article recently that mentioned that daughters are the father's mistress in the previous life, just find it interesting...\"

[Xmasbaby]

Dear Snowball


I felt so happy for you when I read your post. Seriously speaking, all of my male friends who has daughters, tend to have soft spot for them somehow. Probably because we’ve been through NS, so we know how tough it would be. Because of that, we felt that boys should be more tough and independent compared to girls. I know of many fathers who simply treat their daughters like princess lor…Jia You!

[hokkiengirl]

Chenonceau:

hokkiengirl... you are amazing. I completely agree. I would do the same to bring the balance of power back onto an even keel.

Ha ha I come from a family with lots of conflict, so I've lived most of life trying to be the mediator and being 'nice' to minimise the yelling. My siblings ended up really aggressive instead. Classic textbook case of what conflict does to children, hor?

I really gave in A LOT to the hubby (before he reformed) and did child-care duties alone day and night and on weekends, too! His reason was that he was working and needed to de-stress. :razz: At some point, I broke emotionally. I decided that this was no way for my children to live. Even if there were 'peace' in the family, it would be a fake peace based on their mother's suffering. So I initiated this big quarrel with the hubby. To cut a long story short, we went for counselling, he changed day by day, by the grace of God. Today, we rub along just fine because he no longer treats me like his dad treated his mum...

Thankfully, women in Singapore have more choices because we have more education. Even if I did not have a degree and were not able to earn much, I would still do what I did. Girls, we are worth it!!! (macham L'Oreal ad )

[hokkiengirl]

longmao.irene:

Wow I like tis topic!! So v MY CASE!!


I fully support Hokkiengirl's theory! Coz me also same same!! Fr full time to part time n now fully SAHM, my man nvr chg. still party n drink as usual! Dun ever expect them to chg! I dun believe in maid thus nvr n ever will hv one. So I am mrs cum! Cum kaliao! I expect him to help bt his drinking habits die hard! Or mayb a form of escape fr him fr hm or fr me??!! Wahaha
Men nvr like to voluntary help out, me like hokkiengirl reali gv it to him! Of coz after every Worldwar, knock sm sense to him bt well after few weeks he is bk to being \"mr lim\" ( hokkien word for drinking) so my WW 3 starts again!
U mus reali trash it out otherwise they Tik is so easy to run d whole hse hold, teach ur kids, do laundry, cook wash clean etc!! I know how they Tik coz my Lao reali Tik Initally I got lots of time to kill asking me to reboot his whole PC sys! Siao!!

Aniway, Tx all for listening

Pat on back!!! We're here for you! Let the sisterhood (and honorary sisters who are really brothers) unite! :rahrah:

[hokkiengirl]

snowball:

Dear all, many thanks i m feeling much lighter now


he came back w/i 1/2 hr to have dinner with her (only), n fetch my younger boy back fr tuition class, bought me supper, n now he is tucking them to bed ! n i m typing all this out to share my joyce with u...

So happy for you!!! May this be the start of more good things for you and your family.

[3Boys]

I read LOLMum post somewhere about how to make the hubby feel welcome coming home, and looks like snowball applied it to perfection! Fantastic, really happy for you! Hope I don’t sound like an MCP, but I think you are on to something, and perhaps if you indulge him and make him feel special, rather than kick up a big fight, this might do the trick for you and your family.