In-law problems?

[janet88]

BeContented:

janet_lee88:

Attend to all her nonsense...just don't make me do it. She will complain when she doesn't like certain food and dump on the old man's plate.

Haha. Guess some MILs are just ridiculous.
The other day, MIL cut an orange & found it sour & she din want it. The next thing she did, open up the container of cut fruits I had prepare for my family & dump hers in. Telling me - 'too sour. I dun want to eat. You guys can have it'. :yikes: :slapshead: Totally no manners !!

Her son should know her nonsense...which is why I want him to sit beside her. There was once she unceremoniously poured her bowl of soup into FIL's bowl. She thought she was showing love because the old man liked the soup but the way she did it was simply rude...she could have given him her bowl nicely instead.

[BeContented]

autumnbronze:

MIL has improved over the years. I think she was just feeling insecure about letting go over her hold of her eldest son. The younger two had it a lot easier.

I found this quote once in her notebook - being a mother is the only thing I know how to do best.

Agree....same with my MIL. DH is the eldest too. But think MILs need to learn to let go, else they will just earn the wrath of people.

DH goes jogging every nite ~ 10+pm. MIL has tried many times to dissuade him, asking him to rest etc. He has patiently told her to leave him alone.....but lately, can hear him raising voice telling her not to interfere so much. Also, when she tried to stop us from going out, he will ignore her and will always tell me to ignore her, just do what I want. Am I gloating.....perhaps a litte :evil: :oops:

You know the pestering type that will call & call, cannot take no for answer?
Well, my MIL is in that category......just hope she won't become worse.

[autumnbronze]

BeContented:

autumnbronze:

MIL has improved over the years. I think she was just feeling insecure about letting go over her hold of her eldest son. The younger two had it a lot easier.

I found this quote once in her notebook - being a mother is the only thing I know how to do best.

Agree....same with my MIL. DH is the eldest too. But think MILs need to learn to let go, else they will just earn the wrath of people.

DH goes jogging every nite ~ 10+pm. MIL has tried many times to dissuade him, asking him to rest etc. He has patiently told her to leave him alone.....but lately, can hear him raising voice telling her not to interfere so much. Also, when she tried to stop us from going out, he will
ignore her and will always tell me to ignore her, just do what I want. Am I gloating.....perhaps a litte :evil: :oops:

You know the pestering type that will call & call, cannot take no for answer?
Well, my MIL is in that category......just hope she won't become worse.

I remember another incident.

Also soon after we got married.

It was a long weekend holiday. DH impulsively decided to drive to KL for a getaway. It was our first holiday I think. We didn't know her unhappiness (about the unexpected getaway) was brewing inside of her until we reached there and DH called to tell her we were ok. Wow, she just blew her top at him!!! Can't remember what she said, but made DH fed up with her. So in
actual fact, her tirade backfired against her!!!

Actually I am fortunate that DH has mostly been the neutral party. So because he is the first born and knows his parents' psych very well, he tries to explain the rationale behind her behavior. One thing struck me - that as
parents, especially when moms grow older, insecurity sets in because kids are spreading their wings and sense of identity as the major role model in the kids' lives is diminishing. So over the years I have learnt to be laissez faire with her. One ear in and one ear out. I also understand that DIL will always be a DIL, never a DD. So I do not have any expectations. What is
most important to me is that they love my sons unconditionally. Ok, to the point of indulging and spoiling at times :frustrated:, but I can see it's genuine and not out of any ill intention, plus my DH's filial piety towards them, thus, I would want my sons to imbibe the same values too.

I do not come here and rant about MIL because frankly, despite her idiosyncrasies, she has done so much more for me than my own mom.
What many of you ladies here are experiencing with your MIL, my own mom and sister are doing it to me. Why?? Jealousy and insecurity. Especially with my sister in the background adding fuel to the fire. Being the youngest, I have done better than her. But its a conscious choice that i made. She chose not to do something out of her life. The latest incident is regarding help and DS2' hospitalization during my confinement. Want to share in the Difficult Parents thread but too painful to pen it down, for now .... :sad:

[Chenonceau]

autumnbronze:

Want to share in the Difficult Parents thread but too painful to pen it down, for now .... :sad:

When you're ready... :snuggles: :hugs:

[laughingcat]

autumnbronze:

I do not come here and rant about MIL because frankly, despite her idiosyncrasies, she has done so much more for me than my own mom.
What many of you ladies here are experiencing with your MIL, my own mom and sister are doing it to me. Why?? Jealousy and insecurity. Especially with my sister in the background adding fuel to the fire. Being the youngest, I have done better than her. But its a conscious choice that i made. She chose not to do something out of her life. The latest incident is regarding help and DS2' hospitalization during my confinement. Want to share in the Difficult Parents thread but too painful to pen it down, for now .... :sad:

Wow! I have finally found someone in the same shoes as me. Previously i thought i was the odd ones out. I have never told anyone about this......coz was too embarrased to share especially coming from my own family. I totally can empathise with you. :snuggles:

You mean there is Difficult Parents thread?

[autumnbronze]

laughingcat:

autumnbronze:

I do not come here and rant about MIL because frankly, despite her idiosyncrasies, she has done so much more for me than my own mom.
What many of you ladies here are experiencing with your MIL, my own mom and sister are doing it to me. Why?? Jealousy and insecurity. Especially with my sister in the background adding fuel to the fire. Being the youngest, I have done better than her. But its a conscious choice that i made. She chose not to do something out of her life. The latest incident is regarding help and DS2' hospitalization during my confinement. Want to share in the Difficult Parents thread but too painful to pen it down, for now .... :sad:

Wow! I have finally found someone in the same shoes as me. Previously i thought i was the odd ones out. I have never told anyone about this......coz was too embarrased to share especially coming from my own family. I
totally can empathise with you. :snuggles:

You mean there is Difficult Parents thread?

Hi laughingcat,

:hugs: to you too.

You are not alone. There are a few of us in a similar boat. Just that the thread has been dormant for some time.

Here is the link:

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?f=36&t=9587

Do post if you need to rant/vent, k?? :hugs:

[northernstar]

currently, i will go back to my in-laws' place during the weekends with my baby DD. i'm unhappy when my MIL carries her to their bedroom when i will be going out with my DH. its becos i cannot spend more time with my DD before we go out. she likes to interfere this and that too.


since after my DD was born, i had been unhappy with my in-laws over issues related to DD. what i just mentioned was only one of the issues. i will not say those that were already passed. i had asked my DH to convey my concerns but this method is not effective as my MIL will repeat. it seemed she did not respect me. my DH and i had quarrelled many times cos of her and he even said i like to pick on her. the more he analyses the situation / issues and gives reasons the more i feel he defends his mom.

all i request is his support when things happen. all my complaints come from concern for my DD and i do not like my family or his family to interfere with my family (3 of us) affairs. but i want to post this to get advice from parents here.

for those who stay with your in-laws, when you are unhappy with your in-laws over some issues, will you ask your spouse to tell them? is it a good idea to get all to sit around a table and thrash things out?

haiz so :gloomy:

[janet88]

northernstar:

currently, i will go back to my in-laws' place during the weekends with my baby DD. i'm unhappy when my MIL carries her to their bedroom when i will be going out with my DH. its becos i cannot spend more time with my DD before we go out. she likes to interfere this and that too.


since after my DD was born, i had been unhappy with my in-laws over issues related to DD. what i just mentioned was only one of the issues. i will not say those that were already passed. i had asked my DH to convey my concerns but this method is not effective as my MIL will repeat. it seemed she did not respect me. my DH and i had quarrelled many times cos of her and he even said i like to pick on her. the more he analyses the situation / issues and gives reasons the more i feel he defends his mom.

First, you need to explain to hubby nicely and get him on your side. If not, he will defend his mother. Explain that you want more time with your daughter and also just 3 of you.
I understand that feeling when couple quarrels bcos of the MIL's interference. Relationship between couple will be strained if hubby doesn't understand what is going on.

[northernstar]

janet_lee88:

First, you need to explain to hubby nicely and get him on your side. If not, he will defend his mother. Explain that you want more time with your daughter and also just 3 of you.

I understand that feeling when couple quarrels bcos of the MIL's interference. Relationship between couple will be strained if hubby doesn't understand what is going on.

usually i told him nicely, but he also just defends his mom. that's why i'm very sad. this is his problem. yes, our relationship is strained but he still dun change his mindset. what can i do? haizzzz...

[cherrygal]

northernstar:

for those who stay with your in-laws, when you are unhappy with your in-laws over some issues, will you ask your spouse to tell them? is it a good idea to get all to sit around a table and thrash things out?

You are not alone lah... :snuggles:

My spouse said it's not in his comfort zone to tell his parents about my unhappiness. And I don't want him to speak on my behalf as well coz he could misconstrue facts. Even if your DH was willing to speak to them, they will still know the message comes from you, the instigator 大鬼头.

So I personally think it's a good idea to thrash things out. I told my MIL about the incidents that caused the unhappiness. Had to get buy in from hubby first of coz so MIL knows her son is in it together. But I dun stay with MIL and my MIL did not look after my babies.

Well, our relationship is kinda cold now and we seldom meet. However, as I had justified my concerns with DH, DH is fine with this arrangement. I dun stop him from visiting her though.

You need to look at the matters calmly with DH and justify to him why you think they are serious. Present all the facts and corner him. If you rant like a mad woman, he's gonna think you are just being sensitive and \"picking on\" your MIL, his dear mom. I penned down all my thoughts and the incidents that happened before I spoke to my DH. He was convinced after that and backed me all the way.

Also, some matters may seem serious to you, but in all fairness, they dun seem very wrong to a bystander. For eg, you mentioned your MIL liked to bring the baby to her room. What is wrong with that? She hasn't seen your baby in a week and probably misses her mah... my MIL wasn't so in love with my baby and I had wished she would dote on my baby gal more actually. But haiz, she preferred my BIL's baby boy...