What would you do? A house-husband dilemma
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verykiasu2010:
:goodpost:1. You have done extremely well to bring up your kids' studies so well and helped your younger kid overcome his learning challenges. They will be eternally grateful for a Dad like you. You are the \"best or nothing\" (Mercedes Benz' slogan).
2. Your experience will be helpful to others with similar needs - when you have more time on hand, you could be paid for helping other parents facing similar challenges as you faced with your son. There will be organisations / groups that need your experience and expertise. You could turn professional. Seriously think about it. You have a very marketable experience. Who says you must go back to finance-related job ?
3. Why be bothered by what others say or think ? Can they do what you do ? It is a sacrifice not many men can rise up to it. Be proud of yourself.
4. Be thankful you are debt free. Freedom is priceless -
I wish I have the guts and belief to do what you currently are doing, it is not easy to look after many children at home plus take care of household plus ensuring goud school results. There are just too many uncertainties in leaving a job to do this and you gave yourself sufficient conviction to carry it through
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Thanks for all your replies, really enlighten & make me positive. There are a few reasons why I choose what I am doing now:
1) of course the main is my dev delay boy
2) my wife & me believe money foregone (me not working), can still earn back but childhood forgone is very tough cannot earn back (we believe you have to build strong foundation from the start, values, disciplines and etc)
3) after few rejections (childcare principal did not want to take in my boy because of his past history) & discouraging words from a Principal (special school) - reminding me not to put too much hope on him to blend into mainstream..I have a very strong desire to prove my critics wrong, and I hope one day i can visit the Principal to share with her my boy achievements.
note - i am not boasting, my boy is a handsome, lovely and smart boy. Talk alot & very noisy at home(suspect over done with speech therapies :rotflmao: ). Very socialable and many friends. he enjoys recess the best as he can play and run like mad. Well, probably the issue now is his short attention span and slow understanding. if others need to learn 10 times to understand, he needs maybe 20 or more. thats the challenge. -
reading the posts of parents here have made me realize more firmly that my decision to go part-time so that I can spend more time with my kids is along the right direction.
I have never been a 24/7 mum and i think i will go mad if i stay at home. but progressively i have been feeling torn and unsettling every time when i need to leave the kids. its this gut feel that keeps telling me that I have come to another stage of my life ...
and after ground work and negotiations with bosses for about 9 mths to 1 year, i am finally going part time by middle of this year. :rahrah: :boogie:
i dont know whether things will be tougher or not cos work responsibilities may still be heavy though cut down, but I am willing to give myself a chance and rough it out. in the meantime focus energy on my special needs child and my two other girls.
i am really looking forward to that ... :boogie: :celebrate: sometimes, when all else fails, trust your gut feel. -
mel2sg:
there are more things in life that are not measurable in $$ and cents than there areThanks for all your replies, really enlighten & make me positive. There are a few reasons why I choose what I am doing now:
1) of course the main is my dev delay boy
2) my wife & me believe money foregone (me not working), can still earn back but childhood forgone is very tough cannot earn back (we believe you have to build strong foundation from the start, values, disciplines and etc)
3) after few rejections (childcare principal did not want to take in my boy because of his past history) & discouraging words from a Principal (special school) - reminding me not to put too much hope on him to blend into mainstream..I have a very strong desire to prove my critics wrong, and I hope one day i can visit the Principal to share with her my boy achievements.
note - i am not boasting, my boy is a handsome, lovely and smart boy. Talk alot & very noisy at home(suspect over done with speech therapies :rotflmao: ). Very socialable and many friends. he enjoys recess the best as he can play and run like mad. Well, probably the issue now is his short attention span and slow understanding. if others need to learn 10 times to understand, he needs maybe 20 or more. thats the challenge.
money is useless unless you use it. money sitting in the bank only makes you feel good for a short while but nothing else
the boy overcoming his challenges could not be bought with a million $$. -
mel2sg:
First up.. :udaman: !Thanks for all your replies, really enlighten & make me positive. There are a few reasons why I choose what I am doing now:
1) of course the main is my dev delay boy
2) my wife & me believe money foregone (me not working), can still earn back but childhood forgone is very tough cannot earn back (we believe you have to build strong foundation from the start, values, disciplines and etc)
3) after few rejections (childcare principal did not want to take in my boy because of his past history) & discouraging words from a Principal (special school) - reminding me not to put too much hope on him to blend into mainstream..I have a very strong desire to prove my critics wrong, and I hope one day i can visit the Principal to share with her my boy achievements.
note - i am not boasting, my boy is a handsome, lovely and smart boy. Talk alot & very noisy at home(suspect over done with speech therapies :rotflmao: ). Very socialable and many friends. he enjoys recess the best as he can play and run like mad. Well, probably the issue now is his short attention span and slow understanding. if others need to learn 10 times to understand, he needs maybe 20 or more. thats the challenge.
I think what you are doing is priceless and admirable. Like everyone is saying here, it is a worth-while decision for you to stay home and support your children and i think the progress you see in your son is the best reward.
My husband is also a 'house-husband' so from the perspective of a wife, you dunno how grateful i am to him for taking on that role and the 'sacrifice' it entails for him. He left his very promising career in the civil service to move to a new country for the sake of his wife and child. And in the new place, it just happened that my skills were more 'marketable' than his, so out of pragmatism and recognizing that we have no help with childcare, he opt to be the one to be home caring for our DD while i got a job. Like what you described, i really feel for him whenever the pressures come from families, friends, society in terms of the traditional role for a man... And i think it takes a strong person not to be affected by it. On my part, i do whatever i can to help support him emotionally whenever he gets a little down when conversations with family goes that way.
For my hubby, while at home, he started doing his PHD part-time (cos the time is flexible) and also doing a little business based on his hobby on the internet on the side. He chose to do a research on what he is interested in (Designing educational programs/toys for pre-schoolers) and our DD is his best research test-subject. On top of that, he cooks for us everyday (i am in charge of laundry and cleaning).
Sometimes society pressures can be tough but i think regardless of male or female, the decision to have one partner stay at home should be made as a family and we support each other through it. Only we will know what's the best for us... heck care what other pple say...
All the best to you... and truly, when you wanna venture out to do some work, i think working with special needs will be a great venture for you with your experience. I used to work in a special school and i think it takes something special to be able to work with special needs children and you obviously have it. :salute: :salute: -
aurorin:
Like what you described, i really feel for him whenever the pressures come from families, friends, society in terms of the traditional role for a man... And i think it takes a strong person not to be affected by it.
I have been doing this for 11 yrs, taking care of my special child. But didn't realize that there are such outlandish pressures. Maybe I'm too occupied with my children that I have no time to think what others think about me. Every other ounce of energy I have had I will cycle and run with my older child but now he is in sec 1 and too fast for me to follow. -
Because your child has delays, you may like to support him till P3/P4 and see how he perform in sch and how independent he is (motor skill,social, study). The gaps between him and his peers will widen in lower Primary because yr child is developing slower while others are developing quickly. By Sec; development usually is complete and this is when yr boy can start to close the gap.
Not having an official job is a shot to pride. This you have to learn to eat humble pie. Giving tuition is a respectable job, taking care and helping your kids along is a respectable job, so be humble but no need to underestimate yrself worth. Your boy needs your help. Do count yr blessings that u have the means and intelligence to help him when he needed u most.
Not so happy, yet much happier. -
matrix0405:
The gaps between him and his peers will widen in lower Primary because yr child is developing slower while others are developing quickly. By Sec; development usually is complete and this is when yr boy can start to close the gap.
good to hear this and it brings a lot of comfort to me as a parent to a special needs child.
sorry :offtopic: -
matrix0405:
Well said to matrix0405, and :salute: :salute: to mel2sgDo count yr blessings that u have the means and intelligence to help him when he needed u most.
Not so happy, yet much happier.
I am sure every family has their issues, and only the couple knows what works best for them. No one is and should be in the position to judge. For those whom you think they look down at you (or showed a surprise expression when they heard that you are a stay-at-home dad), maybe deep inside them they want to be in your shoes too, they may hate their jobs (I am sure a lot of us do!), they may want to spend more time with their kids etc etc but either they don't have the financial means to do what you are doing, or they just don't have to courage to forsake the comfortable life, or they may not have the EQ or intelligence as you to make such a difference in your kids' lives. I myself is guilty of all these.
I have a neighbour, who is a stay-home-daddy to 3 kids, with the youngest girl being a kid with special needs (they had 4 kids actually but the youngest who had the same illness as the 3rd, had passed away). I see him bringing her to swim almost everyday (presumably that helps her condition to improve), buys food for his children (guess he doesn't cook), doing groceries etc. If I am not wrong, he gives tuition too. His 2 other older boys are doing well in school, help around with the little one, just look more mature than their years. Wife looks supportive and they are always seen hanging around doing exercise as a family despite the physical limitation of the youngest girl. Knowing how difficult it is to look after kids, let alone 3 and 1 with special needs, I really salute him and I try to give him the 'I-admire-you' look when I bump into him :oops:
Keep it up Mel2sg!
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