In-law problems?

[janet88]

northernstar:

currently, i will go back to my in-laws' place during the weekends with my baby DD. i'm unhappy when my MIL carries her to their bedroom when i will be going out with my DH. its becos i cannot spend more time with my DD before we go out. she likes to interfere this and that too.


since after my DD was born, i had been unhappy with my in-laws over issues related to DD. what i just mentioned was only one of the issues. i will not say those that were already passed. i had asked my DH to convey my concerns but this method is not effective as my MIL will repeat. it seemed she did not respect me. my DH and i had quarrelled many times cos of her and he even said i like to pick on her. the more he analyses the situation / issues and gives reasons the more i feel he defends his mom.

First, you need to explain to hubby nicely and get him on your side. If not, he will defend his mother. Explain that you want more time with your daughter and also just 3 of you.
I understand that feeling when couple quarrels bcos of the MIL's interference. Relationship between couple will be strained if hubby doesn't understand what is going on.

[northernstar]

janet_lee88:

First, you need to explain to hubby nicely and get him on your side. If not, he will defend his mother. Explain that you want more time with your daughter and also just 3 of you.

I understand that feeling when couple quarrels bcos of the MIL's interference. Relationship between couple will be strained if hubby doesn't understand what is going on.

usually i told him nicely, but he also just defends his mom. that's why i'm very sad. this is his problem. yes, our relationship is strained but he still dun change his mindset. what can i do? haizzzz...

[cherrygal]

northernstar:

for those who stay with your in-laws, when you are unhappy with your in-laws over some issues, will you ask your spouse to tell them? is it a good idea to get all to sit around a table and thrash things out?

You are not alone lah... :snuggles:

My spouse said it's not in his comfort zone to tell his parents about my unhappiness. And I don't want him to speak on my behalf as well coz he could misconstrue facts. Even if your DH was willing to speak to them, they will still know the message comes from you, the instigator 大鬼头.

So I personally think it's a good idea to thrash things out. I told my MIL about the incidents that caused the unhappiness. Had to get buy in from hubby first of coz so MIL knows her son is in it together. But I dun stay with MIL and my MIL did not look after my babies.

Well, our relationship is kinda cold now and we seldom meet. However, as I had justified my concerns with DH, DH is fine with this arrangement. I dun stop him from visiting her though.

You need to look at the matters calmly with DH and justify to him why you think they are serious. Present all the facts and corner him. If you rant like a mad woman, he's gonna think you are just being sensitive and \"picking on\" your MIL, his dear mom. I penned down all my thoughts and the incidents that happened before I spoke to my DH. He was convinced after that and backed me all the way.

Also, some matters may seem serious to you, but in all fairness, they dun seem very wrong to a bystander. For eg, you mentioned your MIL liked to bring the baby to her room. What is wrong with that? She hasn't seen your baby in a week and probably misses her mah... my MIL wasn't so in love with my baby and I had wished she would dote on my baby gal more actually. But haiz, she preferred my BIL's baby boy...

[northernstar]

cherrygal:

You are not alone lah... :snuggles:

My spouse said it's not in his comfort zone to tell his parents about my unhappiness. And I don't want him to speak on my behalf as well coz he could misconstrue facts. Even if your DH was willing to speak to them, they will still know the message comes from you, the instigator 大鬼头.

So I personally think it's a good idea to thrash things out. I told my MIL about the incidents that caused the unhappiness. Had to get buy in from hubby first of coz so MIL knows her son is in it together. But I dun stay with MIL and my MIL did not look after my babies.

Well, our relationship is kinda cold now and we seldom meet. However, as I had justified my concerns with DH, DH is fine with this arrangement. I dun stop him from visiting her though.

You need to look at the matters calmly with DH and justify to him why you think they are serious. Present all the facts and corner him. If you rant like a mad woman, he's gonna think you are just being sensitive and \"picking on\" your MIL, his dear mom. I penned down all my thoughts and the incidents that happened before I spoke to my DH. He was convinced after that and backed me all the way.

Also, some matters may seem serious to you, but in all fairness, they dun seem very wrong to a bystander. For eg, you mentioned your MIL liked to bring the baby to her room. What is wrong with that? She hasn't seen your baby in a week and probably misses her mah... my MIL wasn't so in love with my baby and I had wished she would dote on my baby gal more actually. But haiz, she preferred my BIL's baby boy...

yes, i also feel that i will feel awkward when going back their house after thrashing things out. so i dun like tis idea. its good to meet lesser for u and ur MIL. i guess my DH will still wan me and DD to go bk every weekend haiz...

are your concerns genuinely reasonable or only reasonable to u? my DH said he 帮理不帮亲 so he dun side with me. ya, i know they only get to see DD 2 days in a week.. but i only want to accompany DD before we go out cos they will occupy the time when we were not at home already to look after and play with her. is it wrong to get angry with my MIL? :roll:

i think my in-laws dun really like children or my DD although they claim so cos they are stingy and never buy toys or clothes for her, even they get bonus. they just want to see her cos she is their first grandchild so all attention is on her. i feel so 'unbalanced' when they always tell her they 'sayang' her.

last weekend, when we wanted to cook sweet potato puree for DD, my MIL asked whether we are going to add carrots. then, i was unhappy cos i felt that she was interfering with DD's meals :slapshead:

[LOLMum]

Not all kids (ahem…parents too) can give a cheery goodbye at the gate.


So what your mil did is to reduce the tears and drama…I find it okay.

[LOLMum]

[quote=\"


my DH said he 帮理不帮亲 so he dun side with me. ya, i know they only get to see DD 2 days in a week.. but i only want to accompany DD before we go out cos they will occupy the time when we were not at home already to look after and play with her. is it wrong to get angry with my MIL? :roll:

When you dislike some1, nothing they do will please you.

i think my in-laws dun really like children or my DD although they claim so cos they are stingy and never buy toys or clothes for her, even they get bonus. they just want to see her cos she is their first grandchild so all attention is on her. i feel so 'unbalanced' when they always tell her they 'sayang' her.

Okay, so totally no presents or whatsoever Fromm them at all? Have you ever passed comments that put them off buying things for your child.?


last weekend, when we wanted to cook sweet potato puree for DD, my MIL asked whether we are going to add carrots. then, i was unhappy cos i felt that she was interfering with DD's meals :slapshead:[/quote]

:slapshead: gosh you....

[northernstar]

LOLMum:

Not all kids (ahem...parents too) can give a cheery goodbye at the gate.


So what your mil did is to reduce the tears and drama..I find it okay.

no la my DD is just 7+ months now... think she still dunno the feeling of parting with parents... she also never cries at the gate when i carry her over to the babysitter b4 i go to work...

[LOLMum]

7 months? The early the better…I don’t know if you have encountered teary goodbyes at gate resulting in kid throwing up and howling wailing for the next half hr or more on a daily basis.


Not a pleasant experience for all.

[northernstar]

LOLMum:

my DH said he 帮理不帮亲 so he dun side with me. ya, i know they only get to see DD 2 days in a week.. but i only want to accompany DD before we go out cos they will occupy the time when we were not at home already to look after and play with her. is it wrong to get angry with my MIL? :roll:

When you dislike some1, nothing they do will please you.

i think my in-laws dun really like children or my DD although they claim so cos they are stingy and never buy toys or clothes for her, even they get bonus. they just want to see her cos she is their first grandchild so all attention is on her. i feel so 'unbalanced' when they always tell her they 'sayang' her.

Okay, so totally no presents or whatsoever Fromm them at all? Have you ever passed comments that put them off buying things for your child.?


last weekend, when we wanted to cook sweet potato puree for DD, my MIL asked whether we are going to add carrots. then, i was unhappy cos i felt that she was interfering with DD's meals :slapshead:

:slapshead: gosh you....

ya, but i will still update my MIL about DD's progress when she asks as normally i won't take e initiative to share.

so far, my MIL only bought a few new clothes for DD once when they were on sale. my FIL gave a small hongbao to DD on her baby shower. initially, he will help to buy formula or diapers for DD. now, we buy ourselves. although they know DD has alot of 2nd-hand clothes, if they really dote on her, still will buy rite? as my mom also did so. sometimes, i wonder does buying her things prove their love for DD? if not, then other ways? it's not i'm greedy or materalistic.

[northernstar]

LOLMum:

7 months? The early the better.....I don't know if you have encountered teary goodbyes at gate resulting in kid throwing up and howling wailing for the next half hr or more on a daily basis.


Not a pleasant experience for all.

sorry i do not understand by 'the early the better' and i do not encounter b4. wait till my DD grows up then i see...