All About Working With Children Who Are Weak Academically

[terry]

Concern mother,

Since she is involved in church, she can volunteer for missions trips.

It will be an eye opener to her and she will be involved in the great commission as well.

I feel in life, ev1 must hv a purpose, only then will life be meaningful.

I suppose teenagers lack this direction cos they dun noe wat life is abt outside of their own world. Encourage her to get out of her comfort zone and challenge herself.

[sleepy]

concernmother:

That is her personality. Even she has no CCA that week, she will be doing her work leisurely. There is no urgency in her. She will be tweeting, sms because her friends are doing so too.
Does anyone have this problem? Or is it me alone?
Stress

concernmother:

her will-power is not strong enough. She will come home with the intention of doing so and so HW, revise so and so subjects. However, only half done at the end of the day. She knows she has to set a timetable and she knows well that she has to set a target.....but...

Confirmed it's personality. My dd1 is exactly the same. So I can totally empathise with your frustration.

She has no sense of urgency or concept of time. Idle away whatever spare time she has. From the moment I fetch her from school till the time she actually sat down at her desk to start doing homework, she needs a minimum of 3.5 hours! Everything is done in sloooooow motion. If I rush her, she said I'm causing her excessive stress & then she cried. End up I'm the bad guy :mad:

I don't have a solution yet. I've tried every single method I can think of since she was in preschool. And she's p4 now. I forsee I will continue to struggle. 'Carrot' doesn't work at all. So I'm moving to sticks now.

'Sticks' I have in place:
No TV. No computer. Cannot play iphone games.
I even opt her out of CCA. And I'm very selective about external enrichments because once she steps out of the house, she will take an extremely long time to settle down to study again.

[comfy]

concernmother:

Thanks Cherrygal, mummy of three, ksi, kwcllf. Thanks for the advises. Got her tuition for some subjects. Hopefully she will buck up and catch up with her work. Funny thing is that, she has the intention to do well but her will-power is not strong enough. She will come home with the intention of doing so and so HW, revise so and so subjects. However, only half done at the end of the day. She knows she has to set a timetable and she knows well that she has to set a target.....but...

Guess you all are right. Probably she is too comfortable, don't know what is hardship. But i have seen children, who come from comfortable home, wealthy family, doing very well on their own and very focus. Why my kid is not like this?
So many times I want to give up. But sigh....mother nature..so difficult to do that.

Hi concernmother, can understand your frustration. I wonder whether she is also like that when she was in Primary School. If the reply is yes, then she has yet to master how to discipline and manage her time or ability to execute her goal/plan skillfully. Perhaps you has to help her in these areas. Like what other parents suggest, limit her time/activity that distract or 'eat' up her study time. Motivate her by planning a schedule together. Maybe be around when she is doing her tasks. Remove all things that can distract her before she starts her school work. Share and talk about life experience and goal. If need help in improving grade, then engage tutor if self study cannot really help, this will give her confidence and help her to pay attention in her study.
For you, perhaps you can get some 'tips' by watching this Korea drama \"God of Study\". This drama can be a source of inspiration for certain type of students and parents as well.

[concernmother]

ammonite:

concernmother:

Thanks Cherrygal, mummy of three, ksi, kwcllf. Thanks for the advises. Got her tuition for some subjects. Hopefully she will buck up and catch up with her work. Funny thing is that, she has the intention to do well but her will-power is not strong enough. She will come home with the intention of doing so and so HW, revise so and so subjects. However, only half done at the end of the day. She knows she has to set a timetable and she knows well that she has to set a target.....but...

Maybe she needs more guidance in time management than tuition per se. You have to sit down with her to help her look through her weekly schedule, and you may even need to go through each subject with her to see which are the areas that she needs help with. It sounds to me like she is totally overwhelmed and lost and hence give up halfway ie she has the intention but not the roadmap. Jiayu!

I would love to sit down and guide her. But she never has time for me, that is, she will spend a lot of time doing her homework and leave no time for me....
sigh.....

[concernmother]

Thank you all for your advises. I guess i have to spend more time on her in this area. However, she is very stubborn and always think she is right. so this can be tough. I guess i spoon feed her a lot in Primary School. I was the one who reminded her to do tuition HW, study ting xie…when she was in Pri School. So I guess this is the consequences…

[Funz]

concernmother:

Thank you all for your advises. I guess i have to spend more time on her in this area. However, she is very stubborn and always think she is right. so this can be tough. I guess i spoon feed her a lot in Primary School. I was the one who reminded her to do tuition HW, study ting xie....when she was in Pri School. So I guess this is the consequences....

Yes, we parents gotta learn to let go earlier in order for our kids to be more independant.

This year, I told DD who is in P3 that I will not be reminding her about her spelling, tingxie and homework. She will have to track them herself and maintain her grades. If she forgets about them and does badly, privileges will be withdrawn. She is still trying to get the hang of it and I am still trying to stop myself from reminding her.

[BeContented]

Funz:

concernmother:

Thank you all for your advises. I guess i have to spend more time on her in this area. However, she is very stubborn and always think she is right. so this can be tough. I guess i spoon feed her a lot in Primary School. I was the one who reminded her to do tuition HW, study ting xie....when she was in Pri School. So I guess this is the consequences....

Yes, we parents gotta learn to let go earlier in order for our kids to be more independant.

This year, I told DD who is in P3 that I will not be reminding her about her spelling, tingxie and homework. She will have to track them herself and maintain her grades. If she forgets about them and does badly, privileges will be withdrawn. She is still trying to get the hang of it and I am still trying to stop myself from reminding her.

Some kids might require more reminders, but irregardless I believe we should learn to let go earlier and let kids understand the meaning of consequences. Also, to some extend, we also need to let kids understand 'authority' of the school teacher. On many occasions, I feel that many parents tend to challenge and override the school teachers so much so that kids do not fear/respect the teacher enough to 'bother'.

My 2 kids started taking care of their own school work since P2 (ie. I started to slowly let go from P1). They pack their own bag, track their own schoolwork/spelling etc. They are also responsible for taking out their consent forms/work/spelling etc for my signature. In the event they forget to bring anything to school, I will only make a special trip selectively for those really really important. The rest, they have to face the music and get punished/scolded by teachers. No form of protection from my end (errrhhh....i belong to old era....teacher big, pls listen to teacher 95% of the time).

Did the same by setting up system for their sch uniforms/socks etc....no more mad rush for me. Used to get all their items ready and put on their bed for them. Then I am the blur kind, keep forgetting which day PE uniform, forget to bring socks/hanky/panty etc...and the child would be shouting for his/her stuff. P3 onwards, they just wake, wash up and go to their wardrobe to collect whatever they need for the day.... (which means they must know their day schedule). Each is responsible for their own.

Start earlier....there will be teething issues initially, but think would be beneficial for all.

[concernmother]

slmkhoo:

concernmother:

Thank you all for your advises. I guess i have to spend more time on her in this area. However, she is very stubborn and always think she is right. so this can be tough. I guess i spoon feed her a lot in Primary School. I was the one who reminded her to do tuition HW, study ting xie....when she was in Pri School. So I guess this is the consequences....

At this age, you need to convince her that she needs help, and that you can offer some help. If you force, she will probably rebel. You said she gets disappointed with her results, so can you start from there and convince her that her way is not working at the moment, and she should try something else? But whatever you do, don't take over and do what you did in Pr school; she needs to manage this for herself, although you cen help her set up a system, remind her when she lapses, and check that she imposes the penalties on herself.

When she finished her PSLE, i thought my job has ended. Thought that she will look after herself in Sec. Every year I am facing a lot of challenges. Guess it is a lifetime job.... :faint:

[concernmother]

slmkhoo:

concernmother:

Thank you all for your advises. I guess i have to spend more time on her in this area. However, she is very stubborn and always think she is right. so this can be tough. I guess i spoon feed her a lot in Primary School. I was the one who reminded her to do tuition HW, study ting xie....when she was in Pri School. So I guess this is the consequences....

At this age, you need to convince her that she needs help, and that you can offer some help. If you force, she will probably rebel. You said she gets disappointed with her results, so can you start from there and convince her that her way is not working at the moment, and she should try something else? But whatever you do, don't take over and do what you did in Pr school; she needs to manage this for herself, although you cen help her set up a system, remind her when she lapses, and check that she imposes the penalties on herself.

When she finished her PSLE, i thought my job has ended. Thought that she will look after herself in Sec. Every year I am facing a lot of challenges. Guess it is a lifetime job.... :faint:

[hokkiengirl]

Hello!


I was reading this book entitled 'That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: Helping Disorganised and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life.' It is by Ana Homayoun, a counsellor based in the US who deals with teenagers with issues with school-work.

While it largely focuses on boys, I think some points may apply to girls, too. There is this bit about how there are different kinds of disorganised kids:

1) The Over-scheduled Procrastinator (too many things on his plate)
2) The Scattered Charmer (forgetful, with a laissez-faire attitude)
3) Tech Master (focuses too much on tech, so doesn't study)
4) The Seriously Struggling Student (takes a long time to process info)
5) The Creative Wonder (so lost in the world of the arts, music, etc, studies get neglected)
6) The Intellectual Conversationalists (can talk brilliantly but cannot buckle down to get work done)
7) The Sincere Slacker (genuinely believes enough effort has been made)
The Seemingly Satisfied Underachiever (motto: no need to try so hard; it's just SCHOOL, right?)

The book was helpful for me because it dished out practical advice on how to help teens structure their lives, so that studies and general discipline improve. It's not one of those new-fangled books that suggest parents try strange things or just let the child 'be'. The author's advice was sensible and supported by loads of anecdotes. You may want to borrow it from the library to see if it helps you? All the best!