Asia spending billions on tutors: study

[verykiasu2010]

BeContented:

Human expectation/desire is a tricky thing, that's why must always try to have some balance and be able let go. When we push and the child achieve it, what happens next? Expectation goes up, push further.....all these FULL Potential thingy. Good to stretch a bit.....but must know when to stop.

besides contentment which is a godly virtue, there is also a peer pressure to keep up

yes must know where is the limit and when to stop and smell the roses

rising expectation could be a scary thing

[schweppes]

The thing about failures and setbacks is that it is said to mould one's character and build resilience. Last thing we want is when failures and setbacks happen one to many times, and that can make the child feel resigned to fate. Or worse, breaks his spirit completely. No parent wants that to happen.


So, whether parents scramble to coach their own kids or outsource to tutors/ enrichment centers, it's about all about helping the child as best as can be or at the very least, help the child to cope in school.

Of course, there are some over-zealous parents out there... must be 1st in class/level or else, must be the best of the best or else.... and the latest one, blaming one's own parents for putting them in the \"wrong\" primary school as that affects his own child's current p1 registration now.. Can't do much about those. Takes all sorts to make the world.

End of day, who is to say who is right or wrong? Each family dynamics is different.

I can't speak for other parents but I do want my kids to perform to the best of their abilities. And if I can, push them a little - out of their comfort zone, challenge their boundaries, just a tad. As their mother, I owe it to my kids to develop their strengths, instill the right values and educate them well.

At the same time, I am also very mindful of their limitations and what they can or can't do. Whilst I want them to do their best and be the best that they can be, I am also realistic. I am consciously mindful that I need to calibrate my expectations as well.

Looking at my kids, I'm glad I pushed dd1's capabilities. I think if my dh and I didn't do that, we would have denied her the opportunities to develop her to her full potential. And we wd have failed as her parents for not nurturing her to be the best she can be, to where she is now.

Just my personal sharing.

[oxyleo]

schweppes:

The thing about failures and setbacks is that it is said to mould one's character and build resilience. Last thing we want is when failures and setbacks happen one to many times, and that can make the child feel resigned to fate. Or worse, breaks his spirit completely. No parent wants that to happen.


So, whether parents scramble to coach their own kids or outsource to tutors/ enrichment centers, it's about all about helping the child as best as can be or at the very least, help the child to cope in school.

Of course, there are some over-zealous parents out there... must be 1st in class/level or else, must be the best of the best or else.... and the latest one, blaming one's own parents for putting them in the \"wrong\" primary school as that affects his own child's current p1 registration now.. Can't do much about those. Takes all sorts to make the world.

End of day, who is to say who is right or wrong? Each family dynamics is different.

I can't speak for other parents but I do want my kids to perform to the best of their abilities. And if I can, push them a little - out of their comfort zone, challenge their boundaries, just a tad. As their mother, I owe it to my kids to develop their strengths, instill the right values and educate them well.

At the same time, I am also very mindful of their limitations and what they can or can't do. Whilst I want them to do their best and be the best that they can be, I am also realistic. I am consciously mindful that I need to calibrate my expectations as well.

Looking at my kids, I'm glad I pushed dd1's capabilities. I think if my dh and I didn't do that, we would have denied her the opportunities to develop her to her full potential. And we wd have failed as her parents for not nurturing her to be the best she can be, to where she is now.

It's ok if u disagree with me. That's my personal sharing.

Thoroughly enjoyed reading your post.

[oxyleo]

concern2:

oxyleo:

For the most part, it's a clear conscience and physical exhaustion that makes one sleep extremely well.

:rotflmao: Oxyleo, that's funny.

Funny though it might be,
That, I cannot be.
For when I wake up in the night,
And watch them sleeping tight,
Feeling their cheeks on mine,
I'll ask myself if I have done right.
I do this every night.

In every inch a normal parent, and I am sure, a good one.

[Busymom]

Busymom:

As I said earlier, I do not see tuition centres as the competitor of MOE. They are complementary and therefore, conflict of interest issue can be managed for cases such as the one you have cited.

ksi:

Agree they are not competitors. Tuition are however supplementary (continue to drill on the in-syllabus things because it may not be covered fully or a child may not be able to understand it fully) whereas enrichment centres are complementary (learn wider and more but not necessarily tested). Are we talking about tuition or enrichment, friend? :?

I meant tuition. Yes, it is indeed supplementary, based on the way you put it. But complementary also not wrong, right? I often read or hear this statement, we are teaching this and that in school, please complement our teaching by revising it again at home…

Busymom:

I do not think that some forummers here lack empathy per se. It is perhaps the constant \"attacking\" by some on MOE and teachers over multiple threads in this forum over the last few months that caused some wanting to speak up and present an alternative view to balance things up a bit. Perhaps it has come across as being snobbish at times.

ksi:

Hmm..I read it differently. I read that most people are asking MOE as the authority to look and understand this phenomenon. In fact, most tones are more on appealing to MOE to investigate and take some action. There may be a few who have started with strong tones but they simmer down along the way. It is true that there are some people ranting but after they calm down, their views are worth reading. People tend to rant under pressure...CA, SA, PSLE coming.... :nailbite: :nailbite:

It’s just my impression, which of course can be wrong. I have to admit that I do not read all threads pertaining to MOE, teachers, tuition, enrichment.

And if I may raise my white flag first: I did say that there are areas that MOE can improve… just don’t keep blaming MOE for every single woe in our society. It makes people like me who is sitting on the fence feel a need to add some balance to some of the arguments.

ksi:

In any case, it is good for you to write your alternative views, continue to do so. :snuggles:

Well, you know time is a luxury that I do not have. Time for me to go do a mother's duty...

Cheers.

[schweppes]

oxyleo:

Thoroughly enjoyed reading your post.

Thank you, oxyleo. The feeling is mutual. I've enjoyed reading your postings too

[oxyleo]

3Boys:

oxyleo:

In that same token, also not necessarily because parents are just too kiasu, just too unrealistic, or kids are just too dumb. No one should judge you for the decisions you make for your child, because only you should know best, right? Likewise neither should we on how others decide for their children, unless we think we know better than them right?

Making decisions for one's own child, its the parents' prerogative (with caveats, i.e. the cancer child mum traipsing off to Arizona for instance)

Laying the blame on someone else (MOE) for a child's performance........

I sincerely believe that MCYS stepped in because between means of cure explored by the parents were highly unorthodox. If I were a social worker or teacher or mcys, red flags would have been raised too.

If parents ask children to burn their textbooks, mix a concoction with the ashes and drink it in order to score good grades, that would be unorthodox. And I am sure MOE would say something. Uh... I hope. Seeking tuition for whatever reason is so grey. Hard to define as unorthodox unless parents think that a blood transfusion from a top tutor would be of help.

:scratchhead: record replaying again: we are asking for guidance, assistance, stewardship. Not laying blame. But you are free to interpret otherwise.

[oxyleo]

buds:

oxyleo:

For the most part, it's a clear conscience and physical exhaustion that makes one sleep extremely well.

Uhh? I thought it should be goooood sex that makes one sleep EXTREMELY well? Especially on cool early morns of late.. No? :skeptical:

Ops. Wrong thread. :offtopic:

Thot it was notti corner....
.
.
.
But it is just notti me.
As usual.

For me, it's thinking how balanced my day was each day that puts this busy mind at ease. Enough play? Enough quality time together? Enough laughs and hugs? That never fails to bring me to more happy wake up calls each morning to my brood of 4. :love:

There's more than enough work everyday. For everyone in da house.

Office work. Housework. Homework. Break away some times from that cycle and take time to appreciate the stuff around us that also matters but often overlooked. This way, one can look more positively at yet more fresh work the next day(s)... yes, for everyone in da house.

Hopefully with fresh eyes, we see things on a fresher perspective each day.

:evil: Naughty naughty indeed!

Not everyone has a groovy a life as you babe, or Austin Powers! Why must you share so candidly to make others who may be on the other end of the spectrum, living the celibate life of nuns and priests :drool: ?

Hahahaha!

Yes, positivity and fresh eyes for a fresher perspective is very very good for good health and longevity.

[BeContented]

buds:

oxyleo:

For the most part, it's a clear conscience and physical exhaustion that makes one sleep extremely well.

Uhh? I thought it should be goooood sex that makes one sleep EXTREMELY well? Especially on cool early morns of late.. No? :skeptical:

Ops. Wrong thread. :offtopic:

Thot it was notti corner....
.
.
.
But it is just notti me.
As usual.

For me, it's thinking how balanced my day was each day that puts this busy mind at ease. Enough play? Enough quality time together? Enough laughs and hugs? That never fails to bring me to more happy wake up calls each morning to my brood of 4. :love:

There's more than enough work everyday. For everyone in da house.

Office work. Housework. Homework. Break away some times from that cycle and take time to appreciate the stuff around us that also matters but often overlooked. This way, one can look more positively at yet more fresh work the next day(s)... yes, for everyone in da house.

Hopefully with fresh eyes, we see things on a fresher perspective each day.

Simply look forward to your postings. :love:
I'm always either :rotflmao: , :hi5: , :goodpost: & nodding in agreement. :udawoman:

[oxyleo]

Sun_2010:

Oxylee

your perspectives have been good to read, makes me think.

oxyleo:

In that same token, also not necessarily because parents are just too kiasu, just too unrealistic, or kids are just too dumb. No one should judge you for the decisions you make for your child, because only you should know best, right? Likewise neither should we on how others decide for their children, unless we think we know better than them right?

Absolutely.
As a parent I want the best for my child. I do what I think is the best for him/her.
But that doesnt imply what i am doing is the best.
There is a difference. That is why I spend sleepless nights - am i reacting too much, am i deluding myself, should i , shouldnt I, and many many more questions along these lines.

Thanks Sun_2010.

And may I add that it takes great humility and sincerity on your part to constantly wonder if you are really for the most part doing the right thing for your child. Kudos to you.

I do too, but I'm sure, regardless of how good or not-good-enough a parent we may think we are, we do draw the line when other parents try to teach us what we ought to do for our kids, what we ought to think of our kids or even what we ought to think of ourselves, or for that matter doubt that we can even think for ourselves between right and wrong, good and bad.

:celebrate: good parenting is about constant reflection,learning from others, lending support and having more confidence. And of course LOVE for your child! If you ever doubt yourself, I'd say to you that in any case, you really do know best - all the nuances, characteristics, and past of your child. Embrace parenting and love it.

For any mistakes that we find we may have made on looking back, there ought to be no regrets if we had indeed already exhausted our best of means to have come up with the most logical decision at that time.