All About Full-Time Maids

[straffan23]

la_paix: I agree with nms1 - a lot of it depends on how much support you can get from your mother, and what is her level of commitment. For example, 1 week once in a while is "fun" while one week every month is a commitment. My mom unfortunately, is not committed to helping me out - she gets irritated and tired if she comes to my place to often or stay for too long. She is more excited about my brother’s children and would dash off without much notice (to my brother’s place!).


Wanting to do everything yourself takes up a lot of energy and time. Learning to let go, where appropriate, gives your maid a sense of responsibility and your children will learn that they do not need to depend on you for everything. It is good and bad, but a good point is that when you are sick, your children can leave you to rest (and you get to keep your germs to yourself!!).

And sometimes we (I am guilty of this, too!) want too much from our maid. Mine for example is super slow in her work, sometimes forgetful, and sometimes refuse to follow instructions (e.g. when I want her to bathe my children, or the way to wash the dishes, etc). But there are good points, too - she is honest, doesn’t steal from me, and lets my children bully her! So I try to find ways to better manage her, and manage my expectations. My children doesn’t always listen to me, too, right?

I was also hot and bad tempered. But I find that after motherhood, I have toned down both at work and at home - mainly because I do not want my children to be like the hot-tempered me! Even my husband, who was a bit germaphobic, now can tolerate spills and splatters (immuned!) and he stopped feeling the need to thoroughly clean up every mess my children make - cos he cannot keep up!

For me, having a home cooked meal ready when I get home from work is a big factor. I have tried tingkat, but "dinner" arrives at 4pm and I only get home after 6pm. In the meantime it receives the full afternoon sun. I also do not like the fact that the meals are cooked and ready as early as 12pm! And for a year, I was cooking dinner - wake up at 6am, put the soup to boil, cook a stew or something, cook rice. Evening add a steam fish or a vege. I was also expecting my #2 that time. I find that it’s always a mad rush and on many occassions, my happy and chatty daughter in the car would start to cry and screm the moment we get to our floor. I finally figured it out - journey time = happy time with mommy. But the moment we reach home, I would start busying myself to get dinner ready. Not fun being tossed aside!

Now, with 2 kids, I concentrate on quality and quantity. And for that, I put up with my maid and close two eyes where not necessary!! I recently joined the no-maids forum, too… maybe in 2014 I will go maidless, again!

[hokkiengirl]

la_paix:

Can anyone advise me if I need a maid?


I have two sons age 2y and 4m. Both go to cc fulltime. Currently I have a maid who does the household works and cook simple dinner plus clear up the mess my sons made when we are at home. I am a FTWM and my hubby travels on avg 1 week a month. When my hubby travels, I could work around this by asking my mum to come over and help to take care of my sons after fetching them from cc.

I read the life without maid forum and were very motivated but guess its alot of work and tiredness. I could get those irobot vacum cleaner, dryer, dishwasher, spin and go.... and part time maid. However still apprehensive I cannot cope esp now that the new law on indonesian maids has changed if I want to rehire one. My current one is ok, but like typical maid, can talk back and sometimes can't follow instructions. These are the things I cannot take. haha.. cause I'm hot and bad temper. Another factor I'm considering change is I am very protective of my sons. I do not like my maid to handle them even bath and wash hands... HOW? Pls help me.

Hi, la paix,

If, like me, you tend to not be comfortable with other people touching your kids, then I would suggest that you try to handle working and two kids without a maid. I don't have a maid myself. From what I hear from my friends, when the maid comes, they sometimes get even more agitated and stressed because it is not easy to cope with another person's habits in the home. And employers may expect maids to suddenly fit into the household and do things to their expectations, and when that doesn't happen, it often leads to a lot of unhappiness. Also, if you end up handling all the kid-related chores, then might as well just do a bit more to finish up the housework and not get a maid?

For me , I value peace of mind most of all. I think that it will be tiring in the beginning, but once your body gets used to the daily regime of handling laundry, simple cooking and housework, it's not too bad. Think of it as exercise! Get a part-time cleaner to do major cleaning if it helps. Some people can handle maids at home without much stress. I know myself; I probably can't. Looks like you have have to do some self-analysis and see what kind of lifestyle you want. Hope this helps.

[ksks3mum]

MrsSeah:

see whether u can get the new maid in earlier and ask her leave. I will feel uncomfortable with this type of maid at home!

U told her work till Oct? but best send her back prior the date. Said last minute changes, watch her pack and immediately send her off. No need give notice and actually no need bonus, just token sum. Helper usually no 人情味 they will not appreciates no matter how much u do for them.

[mummy so kiasu]

Hi la-pais, maybe you want to consider putting your 2 years old boy in child care for half a day so that he could learn to read & write. Just cook simple lunch such as fish porridge or noodles soup so that you have more time for your baby. Do the laundry & sweeping the floor when the baby is taking his nap. Can consider getting dryer & irobot to save your time.


Maid is not for everyone. I had hired a maid when I gave birth to my second child. But felt somehow uneasy with a stranger in the house. She can’t cook even after I had taught for 2 weeks. I ended up took over the cooking myself. I did not trust her with my new born & I got up middle of the night to feed my new born during my confinement. Got so stressed & sent her back to agent after a month. I did not get a replacement.

[Admummy]

when i gave one set of instructions to my helper; my hubby gave another set

in the end, the maid think i more stupid coz my instructions are more detailed and involved my steps…now she think m’am is stupid and doubt my instructions…so piss with my hubby…where do i stand now!!!

[DesertWind]

Admummy:

when i gave one set of instructions to my helper; my hubby gave another set

in the end, the maid think i more stupid coz my instructions are more detailed and involved my steps...now she think m'am is stupid and doubt my instructions...so piss with my hubby...where do i stand now?!!!

To prevent quarelling with hubby, pre-agree on one set of instructions then tell the maid. Recently same situation happened to me. Maid told hubby to call me since both give conflicting instructions. We discussed and compromise first then tell maid what to do.

[DesertWind]

la_paix:

nms1, You are my first encouragement. Thank you.

Sure got more cons... am I able to survive? Can more mummies share your experience?

Hi la paix,
Why you don't let maid bath your kids/wash hands but let the CCC teachers do?
Anyway, for me I have 2 boys 1 yo and 5 yo and FTWM.
No support from parents from either side.
I sure cannot cope without a maid.

[DesertWind]

Hi peapot,


Dunnoo what to say. So long as your DD in her hands, you will need to continue to kowtow to the maid and she will continue to show long-face because she knew she can! Unless meanwhile you can perhaps park your DD (how old?) into student care temporarily or parents/in laws can help keep a look out etc…Really not a comfortable situation. I actually will think you should not keep this old maid too long if her attitude is going to be like that. Once new maid come old one got to go already.

Earlier this year I also told my mother’s maid to go back earlier by about 3 months. She was suppose to go back end September this year but she told my maid that by August she will be going home because of Hari Raya. My maid feedback to me and I was like ??? because she did not tell me.

Anyway, I asked her was it true she wanted to go back in August she said yes.
Then in Mar/Apr this year when the newspapers announced the change in maid rule from Indo, I called my agent who advice me to quickly get a new maid in by end April before the new rule kicks in. Once we confirmed that MOM has approved and the new maid is confirmed coming, I then talk to the maid already to pre-empt her.

I also a bit wary of her reactions because early by 3 months from her target date. [My mother kept asking me whether we need to compensate her for 3 months pay since contract not yet due? I was also prepared to pay her max 2 months if it turns out ugly.] I told her due to the new govt. rule very expensive if I wait till August so she needs to go back early in May hope she don’t mind. Told her to get ready inform her family to expect her and think about what she wants to do to get ready to go back etc. Ended up she went back 2 weeks later when the new maid came in early May. Gave her the full month pay of May.

Turned out maid told me she understood and its OK lah since it will be cheaper for ma’am to take new maid earlier! During the 2 weeks, word got around she was leaving and my relatives gave her ang pows and she informed all her friends and buy/pack whatever she wanted. She went home nicely and even called back to inform us she would be getting married soon!

[PS: On side note, my mother has also treated this maid with kids-glove because she took care of my father and nursed him back to good and stable health. But this year she ROD mood already, also got a bit rude sometimes and disappearing whenever my mum was not at home leaving my father alone hence not too happy with her. Once confirmed she was going home, she sprang into action with renewed energy. The truth be said - if this maid was very good, do you think me/my mother will early release her? No right? But this maid still very young. Perhaps 20 years later she may think back on us and then realize that this early release may not be so rosy after all.]

[Divamama]

Hi all, I’m hiring a full time maid for the first time and would like to ask about the rates of transfer maids. I’ve gone to many agencies and it seems like the average is $500 plus all Sundays off? I don’t mind giving the maid her Sundays off but I find that the salary is very high. Some even asked for $600-700.


I’m really taken aback. The problem is, I did have a filipina maid for 3 weeks but I sent her back to the agency due to her terrible work and habits. This maid had been in SG for 7 years, record was good, and interviewed well. But she couldn’t do proper housework or she couldn’t be bothered. Just taking advantage of my leniency.

So now I’m stuck tothe same agency with limited choices of transfer maids. Sigh so disappointed and stressed cos I’m delivering next month and really need help with my toddler and soon to be newborn. can anyone share with me your experience with your transfers? And how much their salary is? We paid $550 to the maid but felt really cheated given the low quality of her work.

[straffan23]

Divamama: I emphatise with your situation. I was in similar situation when I tried to get a maid 2 months before my #2 was born. After a month or so, I decided to send her back to the agency, and told them that I would wait until a suitable one comes along. In the end, the new maid came a week after my son was born.


Just to share, big part about having a new baby at home is making sure that the mommy is eating well. The rest is cleaning. If you have a confinement lady, these two areas would be well taken care. And even so, after your confinement, you just need to concentrate on two things - feed yourself (and rest) well, and take care of your baby. If you breasfeed, there’s no nonsense about washing bottles, etc. Use wet wipes and disposable diapers. Appreciate your private time with your baby. The westerners do this all the time - only us spoilt asians need confiment ladies, maids, etc.

If you have a maid, it could be a bonus. If you don’t, it’s okay. Take your time, find one that you are comfortable with, and you should be off to a better start. Unfortunately, you do need to be prepared to for out $500 min.