Parents, let's solve this problem for our kids

[Funz]

Busymom:

[ :goodpost:


I will add one more: need to look into providing more quality infantcare and childcare at affordable price.

Like what someone said in another thread, if it costs $1250 a month to have 1 child in preschool, multiply that for 12 months over 4 years, it would cost $60,000 a child for his preschool years. If you have 3 kids, it would be $180,000 without factoring in inflation.

Have I scared anyone away from having a third child?

Currently govt subsidise childcare fees at $300/mth for working mothers. That will work up to a total of $18000 if child starts childcare at 18mths. Parents can make use of the CDA which matches up to $6000 for 1st and 2nd child more for the 3rd and 4th child. Average childcare fee is about $850/mth, so if a parent chooses an average childcare, they will pay about $450/mth if we take into consideration the $6000 CDA match from govt.

Average of $450 childcare expenses for your child to be fed breakfast, lunch and teabreak, for caregiving to be given and for the child to be prepped for P1. Is that really that expensive? Childcare centres operate 12hours, some 13hours. You are paying about $2/hr for such service.

While I agree that more can be done to improve the childcare and preschool industry, and of course, everything can be cheaper. But is it really truly that expensive or unaffordable for the average family? Not talking needy as needy have other schemes. Even a family with total income of $3500 can apply for additional financial assistance to defray childcare costs.

[Funz]

Another problem I see is us, ourselves and the message we are giving to our own kids. I see my preschool kids coming to us saying their mother or father say no money for this and that. Preschool kids telling me they do not want to have children next time cos their parents tell them it is very tough to raise kids. Yes, they are preschoolers now and may change their minds later. But fact is they are parroting what their parents are saying. Smarter kids will ask their parents in that case why have me? And the parent’s answer, cos we did not know better.


My own MIL telling me not to have anymore kids after my 2 kiddos, when she heard we were hoping to have 3, maybe even 4, as it will be very stressful and a strain on our finances. My staff whose children are in their 20s are telling her they do not wish even to get married. Why bother to get married when they have no intention to have kids. Why do they not want kids, cos she and her husband have been telling them since they were kids how things are getting tougher and tougher, competition getting more, gone are the good old days and anyone of this generation or later generation will have to struggle more. So their thoughts, why bring a life into this world to suffer.

If we have this mentality and are passing such believes to our kids, how can we expect our kids to want to have their own kids.

[Imami]

:goodpost: thank you for speaking up. I think not many of us look into the cost/hr.

Funz:

Busymom:

[ :goodpost:
I will add one more: need to look into providing more quality infantcare and childcare at affordable price.
Like what someone said in another thread, if it costs $1250 a month to have 1 child in preschool, multiply that for 12 months over 4 years, it would cost $60,000 a child for his preschool years. If you have 3 kids, it would be $180,000 without factoring in inflation.
Have I scared anyone away from having a third child?

Currently govt subsidise childcare fees at $300/mth for working mothers. That will work up to a total of $18000 if child starts childcare at 18mths. Parents can make use of the CDA which matches up to $6000 for 1st and 2nd child more for the 3rd and 4th child. Average childcare fee is about $850/mth, so if a parent chooses an average childcare, they will pay about $450/mth if we take into consideration the $6000 CDA match from govt.
Average of $450 childcare expenses for your child to be fed breakfast, lunch and teabreak, for caregiving to be given and for the child to be prepped for P1. Is that really that expensive? Childcare centres operate 12hours, some 13hours. You are paying about $2/hr for such service.

While I agree that more can be done to improve the childcare and preschool industry, and of course, everything can be cheaper. But is it really truly that expensive or unaffordable for the average family? Not talking needy as needy have other schemes. Even a family with total income of $3500 can apply for additional financial assistance to defray childcare costs.

[Imami]

Like. :goodpost: again.


Having lesser to spread around may not necessarily mean \"suffering\". Certain things cannot scrimp but plan a little and one probably can make do with the little one has.

I have a colleague who is always saying things like,\"you know la, hubby and I don't earn much and we have a lot of financial burdens....\" but hor, her kid's is going to six enrichment classes. Over the past 9 months her family had gone holiday at gold coast, Bangkok and a stay cation at sentosa festive hotel. Er... Is this a true case of \"not earning enough\" or \" too much financial burden\"?

Funz:

Another problem I see is us, ourselves and the message we are giving to our own kids. I see my preschool kids coming to us saying their mother or father say no money for this and that. Preschool kids telling me they do not want to have children next time cos their parents tell them it is very tough to raise kids. Yes, they are preschoolers now and may change their minds later. But fact is they are parroting what their parents are saying. Smarter kids will ask their parents in that case why have me? And the parent's answer, cos we did not know better.

My own MIL telling me not to have anymore kids after my 2 kiddos, when she heard we were hoping to have 3, maybe even 4, as it will be very stressful and a strain on our finances. My staff whose children are in their 20s are telling her they do not wish even to get married. Why bother to get married when they have no intention to have kids. Why do they not want kids, cos she and her husband have been telling them since they were kids how things are getting tougher and tougher, competition getting more, gone are the good old days and anyone of this generation or later generation will have to struggle more. So their thoughts, why bring a life into this world to suffer.

If we have this mentality and are passing such believes to our kids, how can we expect our kids to want to have their own kids.

[mgnvr]

Her financial burden is her life style!

[LOLMum]

Imami:

I have a colleague who is always saying things like,\"you know la, hubby and I don't earn much and we have a lot of financial burdens....\" but hor, her kid's is going to six enrichment classes. Over the past 9 months her family had gone holiday at gold coast, Bangkok and a stay cation at sentosa festive hotel. Er... Is this a true case of \"not earning enough\" or \" too much financial burden\"?

mgnvr:

Her financial burden is her life style!

Yes, one's financial burden is one's life style.

I see a lot of people complaining about not enough money (which may be true for some) but when you see the things they spent on, one wonders really money not enough?

My bro n his china wife take home pay was not much. They live a simple life, no restaurant, no holidays (except or two or three trips to china for family matters), no I want means I want that sort of shopping trips etc. yet they managed to pay off housing loan, no other loan (no credit card, no car) and save a small sum of money which might be peanut to many.

Luckily both kids have good teachers in primary n secondary schools n a tutor who has not raised his rates for the past few years. Now their dd is one of the top students in poly. :please: :please:

[beanbear]

I agree the financial burden is really all to do with one’s lifestyle. To raise our 4 kids, expenses have certainly gone up but DH and I feel that we’re still very comfortable. We eat mainly at home, and once or twice a week at hawker centres and maybe 2-3 times a year at restaurants. Most often, our family holidays are going to Malaysia. Going to Club Med Bintan & Taiwan are our most expensive family holiday. Kids learnt not to take travel experiences as a must-have. It’s a luxury. Eating at restaurants is a luxury, not a must have. Having tuition is a luxury, not a must have. Having a car is a luxury not a must-have. Having a maid is definitely a luxury, not a must have.


DS4 one week stay in ICU burnt a hole in our pocket but we really didn’t think too much of it because DS4 brings us so much joy and smiles to everyone. Older siblings are learning lifeskills that they normally would not. I can already see DS1 & DD2 are becoming so adept at handling a baby - advance "parenting" training!!

We know of another couple with 6 kids, and living only on their husband’s income. Husband’s work is also on contract basis. They live in an HDB flat plus look after grandmother some more. No car, no maid. All their kids learn lifeskills of cooking, cleaning and importantly Leadership & Responsibility. Their oldest already in University. That’s a family I admire & am inspired by.

It’s really about Values & Vision, isn’t it? What Vision of Family do we have? What Vision of the Good Life do we have? What kind of Values do we want to perpetuate and live by?

[Angelight]

:goodpost: I agree with you that most times, the so-called 'financial burden' has alot to do with one's wants rather than needs. Some people spend as much as they earn, so of cos there will never be enough moolah. :moneyflies:

beanbear:

I agree the financial burden is really all to do with one's lifestyle. To raise our 4 kids, expenses have certainly gone up but DH and I feel that we're still very comfortable. We eat mainly at home, and once or twice a week at hawker centres and maybe 2-3 times a year at restaurants. Most often, our family holidays are going to Malaysia. Going to Club Med Bintan & Taiwan are our most expensive family holiday. Kids learnt not to take travel experiences as a must-have. It's a luxury. Eating at restaurants is a luxury, not a must have. Having tuition is a luxury, not a must have. Having a car is a luxury not a must-have. Having a maid is definitely a luxury, not a must have.

DS4 one week stay in ICU burnt a hole in our pocket but we really didn't think too much of it because DS4 brings us so much joy and smiles to everyone. Older siblings are learning lifeskills that they normally would not. I can already see DS1 & DD2 are becoming so adept at handling a baby - advance \"parenting\" training!!

We know of another couple with 6 kids, and living only on their husband's income. Husband's work is also on contract basis. They live in an HDB flat plus look after grandmother some more. No car, no maid. All their kids learn lifeskills of cooking, cleaning and importantly Leadership & Responsibility. Their oldest already in University. That's a family I admire & am inspired by.

It's really about Values & Vision, isn't it? What Vision of Family do we have? What Vision of the Good Life do we have? What kind of Values do we want to perpetuate and live by?

[Imami]

I get very tired about some of my colleagues complaints at times. Other than the \"financial burden\" one, another colleauge is the \" I got no time leh\". She has two kids. Everyday she complains about her kids - elder one throw tantrums, younger one has developmental problem, need to rush them for enrichment classes la, need to wash the toilet la, where got time to go through the homework with the kid.


And oh, she says her home is never entirely clean because she could not spare the time to clean the whole home at one go (3 room flat only hor, 2 children, 2 adults in the household). She always say she is very stressed because she does not knowmhow to handle her children and she could not guide them on their work. Also, she has no time to do reading with the children despite the fact that the kid's always bring a book to her asking her to read to them. I told her she could use the time to read up when her kid's are attending enrichment lessons. Her reply - where got time, she needs to go for message.
But hor, every time there is sch holidays/long weekend, the family would go on a short trip. In august this month, two trips already (nday weekend to desaru and this weekend to genting). Prior to Aug, the last trip was in jun holidays to hkg.

She has no time to read t her kid's but she can tell us that her bejeweled (some online game) is level 43 Liao.

[Imami]

If the family can take one less vacation or she quite her online game, she could spare more time dealing with the cleaning of the home. If she can just pay more attention to her elder one, maybe he would not be so defiant…


Sometimes it is what we choose. The real situation may not be as bad.