In-law problems?

[fifiyeo]

janet_lee88:

Hi fifi,

They are not the least concerned about the grandchild....just their face value.
PSLE is getting tougher every year. I pity my son...preparation for this crazy marathon is driving me nuts...but after 9 months, we cannot afford to let go...so have to strike a balance and not burn both ends or the kid will have mental block.

Do those showy grand parents know how tough it is...nope, definitely not.
Kids now are so stressed...if we push too much, they will melt down.

Yes, PSLE is tough. We're both stuck and trapped there for the past 9 mths exchanging notes and complains on the other forum. Actually the whole thing started in P5.

You know the best part is the showy ILs didn't even do well in school. They claim that they love us blah, blah, blah and I feel really sick when I hear it. The truth is their face value is NO.1 piority! We are the shameful people. They even said that straight into the face of DH.

[Pinky Piglet]

Hi


I always like to quote this in hokkien
女儿是自己的，媳妇是別人的

[janet88]

I couldn’t be bothered with them…super stressed of late…don’t need them to add on. All they want is MORE money for their vices.

[Pinky Piglet]

Aiya all mil almost the same pattern mine also like to go round the neighbourhood trumpeting about me. She didn’t realise by doing such thing made me lost respect on her worst I cannot complaint it to my hubby. He will tell me choose what to listen and what not to listen …pissed!

[janet88]

Pinky Piglet:

Aiya all mil almost the same pattern mine also like to go round the neighbourhood trumpeting about me. She didn't realise by doing such thing made me lost respect on her worst I cannot complaint it to my hubby. He will tell me choose what to listen and what not to listen ..pissed!

No use complaining to hubby...he can't help. Respect works 2 ways...one has to earn it...it's not FOC. She used to tell me, 'you respect me and I respect you.' After hearing that several times, I repeated that line to her. Why I finally told her that was because she always demands it and never reciprocates. I've had enough.

[Pinky Piglet]

So what I do now its to keep a distance from mil and try not to tell her so much of my personal stuff or work related issue…

[janet88]

Pinky Piglet:

So what I do now its to keep a distance from mil and try not to tell her so much of my personal stuff or work related issue...

I do not tell her anything personal. In fact, our topic is about the weather.
Nothing else since she always tells me to listen to her for everything. So I clam up when I have to see her...watch tv.

[Pinky Piglet]

How long have u been staying together with your mil?


My mil is a hockchew damn loud and fussy…
When I gave birth to my gal she told me not to let my hubby to change her diaper cos gals are very dirty. I told my hubby she gave birth to ur sister not dirty lar!

And when my gal was small she tends to whine before she dozed off my mil will get frustrated and kept asking me why and how I gave birth to a whiny bb… One day I got pissed off I told her off in front of my sil and bil family says ur son genes and my genes I gave birth to my gal and I carried my gal back to my room…

And when she was hospitalised due to ear infection when she was nine mth old she passed remarks saying who ask her to fall sick blah blah blah… I will not forget what she said to me and my kids

[janet88]

Pinky Piglet:

My mil is a hockchew damn loud and fussy..
When I gave birth to my gal she told me not to let my hubby to change her diaper cos gals are very dirty. I told my hubby she gave birth to ur sister not dirty lar!

And when my gal was small she tends to whine before she dozed off my mil will get frustrated and kept asking me why and how I gave birth to a whiny bb... One day I got pissed off I told her off in front of my sil and bil family says ur son genes and my genes I gave birth to my gal and I carried my gal back to my room..

Hubby's mother is Hakka, father is Cantonese. She favors sons over daughters. When I gave birth to my son and stayed at parents' place, she 'drama'...but with my daughter, didn't do anything. Even going to visit her at the hospital was so reluctant. Told my hubby if she isn't willing, don't visit. What for? When she finally did, after many phone calls that day, just peeped at her from afar and went out of the room.

[linggg]

From ancient China to modern Singapore, this ILs issue is the same. Every generation has the same issues. It won’t die with our generation for sure. Much as I’d like to think I confirm guarantee plus chop won’t become a horrid MIL, who is to say what is horrid and what isn’t? Maybe what we think is horrid, is normal to them becos of their own upbringing…


Not that I’m siding la…I just think that this cycle never seems to break, throughout recorded human history, ILs relationships are always the most problematic…there should be some serious studies on this. Shed some light on why is it that even when times have changed, even in different cultures, countries, etc., this fundamental human relationship issue has never found a resolution… It must be something unavoidable then…since we humans are so smart and all that but yet we can’t solve this. It must be something we will inevitably face next time too…when we become the ILs. Unless we break ties with our children, let that family unit be on its own…