Suicide - Do not involve the children

[Imami]

mamago:

忍一時, 風平浪靜....

我忍了再忍，以为忍无可忍，嘿原来还是可以忍

[Imami]

Like I said earlier, I had been there. To this day, I believe I must have been far away from it. To be able to see it through. To be able to stand up and share (it is not easy. Not everyone can talk about it when they are in it). To not feel ashamed/comfortable about it. But. But I can’t say I won’t be back there.


There was a night when I snapped. Or almost snapped. I was sitting on the parapet, outside the balcony. I lived on 22nd floor. Drop down, sure die. I held on to my sleeping infant and enjoyed the breeze. I wondered if I should call somebody. Maybe that somebody might ask me don’t jump? Eventually, I decided not to call anyone. I didn’t want to scare my siblings out of their bed (it was mid night). I didn’t want my parents to suffer heart attack. I didn’t want to bother my friends. Most of all, I didn’t want to tell anyone.

I couldn’t remember how long I was sitting outside. My infant wiggled a little, probably due to cold. he looked so cute. Then he sneezed.

I believed his sneeze "woke me up" and brought me back into the house. He cold mah… Mother instinct is to shield baby from cold.

Over the next few days, I could not function well. I kept wanting to "sit outside" again. But I didn’t and never have seated there till now. Funny, I think it was my child who "saved" me.

[Lilac66]

Imami:

Like I said earlier, I had been there. To this day, I believe I must have been far away from it. To be able to see it through. To be able to stand up and share (it is not easy. Not everyone can talk about it when they are in it). To not feel ashamed/comfortable about it. But. But I can't say I won't be back there.


There was a night when I snapped. Or almost snapped. I was sitting on the parapet, outside the balcony. I lived on 22nd floor. Drop down, sure die. I held on to my sleeping infant and enjoyed the breeze. I wondered if I should call somebody. Maybe that somebody might ask me don't jump? Eventually, I decided not to call anyone. I didn't want to scare my siblings out of their bed (it was mid night). I didn't want my parents to suffer heart attack. I didn't want to bother my friends. Most of all, I didn't want to tell anyone.

I couldn't remember how long I was sitting outside. My infant wiggled a little, probably due to cold. he looked so cute. Then he sneezed.

I believed his sneeze \"woke me up\" and brought me back into the house. He cold mah.... Mother instinct is to shield baby from cold.

Over the next few days, I could not function well. I kept wanting to \"sit outside\" again. But I didn't and never have seated there till now. Funny, I think it was my child who \"saved\" me.

Sorry to hear about your experience. Luckily it was a cold night and your baby sneezed. :hugs:

[fightingmom]

Imami:

Like I said earlier, I had been there. To this day, I believe I must have been far away from it. To be able to see it through. To be able to stand up and share (it is not easy. Not everyone can talk about it when they are in it). To not feel ashamed/comfortable about it. But. But I can't say I won't be back there.


There was a night when I snapped. Or almost snapped. I was sitting on the parapet, outside the balcony. I lived on 22nd floor. Drop down, sure die. I held on to my sleeping infant and enjoyed the breeze. I wondered if I should call somebody. Maybe that somebody might ask me don't jump? Eventually, I decided not to call anyone. I didn't want to scare my siblings out of their bed (it was mid night). I didn't want my parents to suffer heart attack. I didn't want to bother my friends. Most of all, I didn't want to tell anyone.

I couldn't remember how long I was sitting outside. My infant wiggled a little, probably due to cold. he looked so cute. Then he sneezed.

I believed his sneeze \"woke me up\" and brought me back into the house. He cold mah.... Mother instinct is to shield baby from cold.

Over the next few days, I could not function well. I kept wanting to \"sit outside\" again. But I didn't and never have seated there till now. Funny, I think it was my child who \"saved\" me.

Glad that you have snapped out of it and became stronger person. :grphug:

[phankao]

Mychildren:

phankao:

I am afraid the thought of getting rid of the exasperating toddler situation has been so strong for me many many times over the last 18yrs since I've started being a parent with my 1st child that I can totally understand.

As such, I can never say it's \"wrong\", nor it's \"right\".

Most just do not understand.

I hope you're fine with your kid now. Sorry, I don't know how to console you.
But I do feel the pain in your words.

I can't say I am \"fine\" with them, but I can mostly ignore them and ignore my parenting \"duties\" if I want to now even. They are 18, 15, 13. Able to take care of themselves, lah. Except I do have an irritating preschooler as well!!! Yikes!

[corneyAmber]

:salute: Imami.. :hugs: phankao. Glad that both of you survived your experiences. It may be tough but don't let go of yourself...even though sometimes it is something one cannot control due to body controlling... And NOW you have kiasuparents.com if you need to talk.....

[cfan]

phankao:

Mychildren:

[quote=\"phankao\"]

I am afraid the thought of getting rid of the exasperating toddler situation has been so strong for me many many times over the last 18yrs since I've started being a parent with my 1st child that I can totally understand.

As such, I can never say it's \"wrong\", nor it's \"right\".

Most just do not understand.

I hope you're fine with your kid now. Sorry, I don't know how to console you.
But I do feel the pain in your words.

I can't say I am \"fine\" with them, but I can mostly ignore them and ignore my parenting \"duties\" if I want to now even. They are 18, 15, 13. Able to take care of themselves, lah. Except I do have an irritating preschooler as well!!! Yikes![/quote]I do understand, remember years back there was a foreign lady who tied red strings to her two kids and jump off one of the buildings here because she was diagnosed with cancer and her husband had an affair. I totally understand why she did it. If I were in her shoes, I would have done the same.

But the more I think about it, the more I realise I need to give my kids a chance to create the future they might want to have. If for some reason I died early, then so be it. At least I can say I have tried.

I just wanted to remind those with suicidal tendencies to re-think again. Give yourself a chance and give your kids a chance.

Like my doctor told me, once you start planning how you want to die, you are in serious situation already. Get help soonest.

To all who are facing troubles, Time heals all wounds as long as you have the life to live it. Don't ever give up on yourself......

[MR06]

Hope anyone who comes to this topic in a depressed state would watch this and do some deep breathing exercises...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-j5Z4E2wkh4

Next read this.

Dealing with Depression
SELF-HELP AND COPING TIPS

Depression drains your energy, hope, and drive, making it difficult to do what you need to feel better. But while overcoming depression isn’t quick or easy, it’s far from impossible. You can’t beat it through sheer willpower, but you do have some control—even if your depression is severe and stubbornly persistent. The key is to start small and build from there. Feeling better takes time, but you can get there if you make positive choices for yourself each day.

Read article in full at

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

You can also find information for the following

Abuse
Addictions
ADD / ADHD
Anxiety
Bipolar Disorder
Depression
Eating Disorders
Grief & Loss
PTSD & Trauma
Schizophrenia
Stress
Suicide Prevention

Stay healthy,Get well :hugs:

[Sun_2010]

ksi:

:salute: Imami.. :hugs: phankao. Glad that both of you survived your experiences. It may be tough but don't let go of yourself...even though sometimes it is something one cannot control due to body controlling... And NOW you have kiasuparents.com if you need to talk.....

Yeah, Imani, phanko, my eyes blur with tears as I read your experiences. Empathy...

**** please do not quote this post******
I intend to delete this in a days as I wouldn't want my DD who prowls ksp to read this.

I wrote a blog about my experience too after about 4 years after a low point in my life and I thought I had moved on. The response from fellow bloggers was made me realize that I carried some pain with me. Blogging about it truly helped me move on. Once I realized it was not my guilty secret, many walked the path, and most empathized with me. It felt very empowering.

For those who haven't been there, or think how can one , mabe you can get a glimpse of the thoughts that cross us as we contemplate.

And for those who have been there , hope it unburdened .

[bluesclue]

Dearest All,


It's a temptation to burden yourself with the negative thoughts, but pls try to unshackle that for the good of yourself, and the loved ones around you:

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