Spouse or Kids? Which comes first?

[Mychildren]

3Boys:

Hi ladies,

good debate. I am of course, being slightly hyperbolic. But it is a pragmatic approach to long term happiness, in my view. Will it work in all cases? Clearly not, but I do believe it tips the odds in your favour.

I understand that it will be difficult for some to swallow. \"Why must I even TRY to hang on to my husband, aren't we MARRIED already for heaven's sake!\"

Yes, it is true, wedding vows are sacred. But one must remember, being faithful is just one part of wedding vows (at least in the Christian tradition), but the one that is most emphasised. There is love and respect, to hold and to cherish, to obey. These are key components too. When was the last time you told your spouse you cherished him/her?

It is a big commitment, which is why some people are very skittish about getting married.

A marriage starts at the wedding altar, it does not end there. After the wedding, the real work starts, to ensure that your spouse is HAPPY in the marriage. This is the responsibility of both parties, to ensure the HAPPINESS of their spouse in the marriage. And if it means taking a less prideful stance on certain matters, being submissive on certain matters (and I am referring to both men and women), I think it is a very small price to pay.

Otherwise the wedding band can become just another chain, and some parties (men AND women) will at some point choose not to chained.

I am happy in my marriage. When I see a pretty girl walk by, I may give her an admiring look, but only because she reminds me of my DW. My DW doesn't mind, I give that passing girl that look, and then I give DW that same look.

Try that on your hubby, an appreciative look, see if it doesn't do wonders.

I'm more on 3boys side. If the father & mother are loving, the children can feel it & they'll be happy too. Yes, kids want attention, me and DH will work on who handle which one & we distribute the work together. We also told each other what we're busy with, so the other one can comes in to takeover the kids. I never boss him when he's online & he didn't too.

That's why I must stress that 2 way communication is very very important. Even my pastor asked all on the stage,\"Did u still say I love u to your spouse?\" & \"Did u all still hold hands?\" etc. Think he is reminding us about the love for each other as husband & wife, beside been busy with our everyday life & the kids.

[3Boys]

Mychildren:

I'm more on 3boys side. If the father & mother are loving, the children can feel it & they'll be happy too. Yes, kids want attention, me and DH will work on who handle which one & we distribute the work together. We also told each other what we're busy with, so the other one can comes in to takeover the kids. I never boss him when he's online & he didn't too.

That's why I must stress that 2 way communication is very very important. Even my pastor asked all on the stage,\"Did u still say I love u to your spouse?\" & \"Did u all still hold hands?\" etc. Think he is reminding us about the love for each other as husband & wife, beside been busy with our everyday life & the kids.

:celebrate:

[3Boys]

MMM:

verykiasumummy:

not to say that all wifes dun hv to change themselves and continue to ignore their men... but even if wife is pretty and intelligent and sexy and no problems at home, that doesnt mean men wun go out n be tempted when the chance is there...

Yes... ever read this article before that one man had a very beautiful and sexy wife however, he still thinks of EMA and also with women who were not as attractive as his wife... So they are saying that EMA is not because of the woman but rather the man (as in his mindset). You can be the most beautiful woman on earth but if your dh has the EMA mindset, he will still cheat.

It does not mean that one does not try, does it?

What good does it do to say, \"If you have a straying mind, even if I dress up and pay you lots of attention, you might still stray.\", and to then dress down and ignore the hubby to prove the point, right?

[Mychildren]

3Boys:

Mychildren:

I'm more on 3boys side. If the father & mother are loving, the children can feel it & they'll be happy too. Yes, kids want attention, me and DH will work on who handle which one & we distribute the work together. We also told each other what we're busy with, so the other one can comes in to takeover the kids. I never boss him when he's online & he didn't too.

That's why I must stress that 2 way communication is very very important. Even my pastor asked all on the stage,\"Did u still say I love u to your spouse?\" & \"Did u all still hold hands?\" etc. Think he is reminding us about the love for each other as husband & wife, beside been busy with our everyday life & the kids.

:celebrate:

:hi5: Going off now till I'm bossy again. Good day to all!

[3Boys]

So, am I hearing a school of thought that once one is married, one does not need to work to keep the spouse happy or keep the spark of romance alive?

[BeContented]

3Boys:

So, am I hearing a school of thought that once one is married, one does not need to work to keep the spouse happy or keep the spark of romance alive?

I made that mistake once (neglect DH) & I think we nearly got into trouble (or maybe I was over sensitive/suspicious) so I'm more for the same sch as 3Boys'.

[straffan23]

3BOYS: No, I believe that marriage is something that needs to be worked on. Like friendship. Those that we did bother to maintain and engage are still our friends after decades, those that we let busi-ness get in the way most often disintegrate. I do make it a point to go out for dates, movies, steal an afternoon off work to go shopping, etc. But I do know of couples whom their marriage after a long time, is just pure friendship, companionship, and as they put it, a different kind of love. Not bubbling, sparkling champagne, but nice, mellow wine.

[verykiasumummy]

a long term relationship, be it marriage or kinship or friendship, needs regular maintenance…


i’m pointing out to the fact that if the dw puts in her effort but dh is a stray cat, no amount of changing the dw will help…

so as to also say, to be stray or not, depends on the dh… temptations could be around for so many gd men out there but if they r firm, no such EMA will occur, or even get a slight chance…

[3Boys]

straffan23:

3BOYS: No, I believe that marriage is something that needs to be worked on. Like friendship. Those that we did bother to maintain and engage are still our friends after decades, those that we let busi-ness get in the way most often disintegrate. I do make it a point to go out for dates, movies, steal an afternoon off work to go shopping, etc. But I do know of couples whom their marriage after a long time, is just pure friendship, companionship, and as they put it, a different kind of love. Not bubbling, sparkling champagne, but nice, mellow wine.

:hi5:

[3Boys]

verykiasumummy:

a long term relationship, be it marriage or kinship or friendship, needs regular maintenance...


i'm pointing out to the fact that if the dw puts in her effort but dh is a stray cat, no amount of changing the dw will help...

I don't disagree on the first point. But what I am saying is that one can always take steps to mitigate, right?

verykiasumummy:

so as to also say, to be stray or not, depends on the dh... temptations could be around for so many gd men out there but if they r firm, no such EMA will occur, or even get a slight chance...

Can't say that I can totally agree here. Circumstances matter. If the wife is mean, inattentive, humiliates the husband, completely refuses intimacy, might a husband who would be otherwise be content in a functional marriage not decide that he is entitled to seek fulfilment elsewhere? I think the answer is clear.