dunno is im not a good wife or he just wan to find fault
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I disagree with most, but anyway, do make sure that you do not allow your two boys to treat you like this or you will have a very tough time as they get older and stronger.
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bunnievivi:
Sounds to me like it is bordering on emotional abuse, especially the part where he says to watch out. People who do that have low self esteem and they need to put people down to feel good about themselves. Over time, he will wear you down if you let him. Some women who are not so self assured will start to believe what the man tells them, that they are useless or worthless.I need advice... im married for 5 years with 2 boys age 3 and 4. Ever since i had my 1st boy born out, whateva i do.. my hubby will find fault with me. Why do i always be the one care n bother about kids and family things when he only find fault in me?
Buy food, the seller mever put chilli when i said i want chilli, my fault.
When q-ing for food, i reaponse slow, im timid and useless.
When i got bullied by workplace people, i brainless.
When bring kids out, kids fall down, im blind.
When he promise to go out with kids and back out. Im selfish.
When i want to go out eat with friends, im money spender.
When he put words into my mouth, i face other side, im playing mind games and i need to watch out.
Is there a need to push me to e end?
How i wish i can earn more money! So i can bring my sons for enrichment course!!!!
Just enquiries ffom sch for some helps, im wearing big hat with no brain.
I just feel so tired!!!!
While it is necessary to boost your husband's ego by making him feel good, it should not be done at the expense of your own self esteem. Personally I think, keeping quiet and backing down to avoid quarrels only serve to reinforce such behaviour in the man. Not that I am asking you to go quarrel with him but the next time he does something like that, just tell him that what he says hurts you and it does not help matters at all. What will help is his support, not criticism. If he starts getting worked up, tell him you are not there to pick a quarrel, you just want him to stop hurting you.
Hope things can improve. -
Excellent balanced advice Funz!
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Funz:
:goodpost: Funz!
Sounds to me like it is bordering on emotional abuse, especially the part where he says to watch out. People who do that have low self esteem and they need to put people down to feel good about themselves. Over time, he will wear you down if you let him. Some women who are not so self assured will start to believe what the man tells them, that they are useless or worthless.bunnievivi:
I need advice... im married for 5 years with 2 boys age 3 and 4. Ever since i had my 1st boy born out, whateva i do.. my hubby will find fault with me. Why do i always be the one care n bother about kids and family things when he only find fault in me?
Buy food, the seller mever put chilli when i said i want chilli, my fault.
When q-ing for food, i reaponse slow, im timid and useless.
When i got bullied by workplace people, i brainless.
When bring kids out, kids fall down, im blind.
When he promise to go out with kids and back out. Im selfish.
When i want to go out eat with friends, im money spender.
When he put words into my mouth, i face other side, im playing mind games and i need to watch out.
Is there a need to push me to e end?
How i wish i can earn more money! So i can bring my sons for enrichment course!!!!
Just enquiries ffom sch for some helps, im wearing big hat with no brain.
I just feel so tired!!!!
While it is necessary to boost your husband's ego by making him feel good, it should not be done at the expense of your own self esteem. Personally I think, keeping quiet and backing down to avoid quarrels only serve to reinforce such behaviour in the man. Not that I am asking you to go quarrel with him but the next time he does something like that, just tell him that what he says hurts you and it does not help matters at all. What will help is his support, not criticism. If he starts getting worked up, tell him you are not there to pick a quarrel, you just want him to stop hurting you.
Hope things can improve. -
bunnievivi:
it sounds like u r having a great hell of time in ur family...I need advice... im married for 5 years with 2 boys age 3 and 4. Ever since i had my 1st boy born out, whateva i do.. my hubby will find fault with me. Why do i always be the one care n bother about kids and family things when he only find fault in me?
Buy food, the seller mever put chilli when i said i want chilli, my fault.
When q-ing for food, i reaponse slow, im timid and useless.
When i got bullied by workplace people, i brainless.
When bring kids out, kids fall down, im blind.
When he promise to go out with kids and back out. Im selfish.
When i want to go out eat with friends, im money spender.
When he put words into my mouth, i face other side, im playing mind games and i need to watch out.
Is there a need to push me to e end?
How i wish i can earn more money! So i can bring my sons for enrichment course!!!!
Just enquiries ffom sch for some helps, im wearing big hat with no brain.
I just feel so tired!!!!
i do agree that men have their ego and we wifes have to boost their ego at times to make them feel good... but this is certainly not at the expense of your sufferings...
a gd husband will know when to stop his egoism when he sensed that wife is not right.. if he fails to realise that, means either u r giving in way too much or that he is insensitive to u or that he doesnt even bother..
no matter what it is, u should voice out your opinion.. use his words back on him... eg if he were to make another mistake somehow, u can tell him off using the same words n manner he scolded u with... make him realise that he had been doing this to u all the time..
if he is gd enough, u can look forward to a better life ahead... but if not, u need to try other ways to make him change his attitude towards u... there is -no such thing as a always-accomodating-wife + take-for-granted-husband = obedient kids.
whatever he does to u, ur kids will follow too... they will say, \"daddy also does that\"... -
Funz:
I understand where you are coming from. I am fully aware what the husband did caused much distress hence the post here. And I am sure no wives ever want to be treated like that. But by confronting the husband directly or opposing him when he starts doing that will be akin to add fuel to the fire. It may lead to ugly confrontations in the public.
Sounds to me like it is bordering on emotional abuse, especially the part where he says to watch out. People who do that have low self esteem and they need to put people down to feel good about themselves. Over time, he will wear you down if you let him. Some women who are not so self assured will start to believe what the man tells them, that they are useless or worthless.bunnievivi:
I need advice... im married for 5 years with 2 boys age 3 and 4. Ever since i had my 1st boy born out, whateva i do.. my hubby will find fault with me. Why do i always be the one care n bother about kids and family things when he only find fault in me?
Buy food, the seller mever put chilli when i said i want chilli, my fault.
When q-ing for food, i reaponse slow, im timid and useless.
When i got bullied by workplace people, i brainless.
When bring kids out, kids fall down, im blind.
When he promise to go out with kids and back out. Im selfish.
When i want to go out eat with friends, im money spender.
When he put words into my mouth, i face other side, im playing mind games and i need to watch out.
Is there a need to push me to e end?
How i wish i can earn more money! So i can bring my sons for enrichment course!!!!
Just enquiries ffom sch for some helps, im wearing big hat with no brain.
I just feel so tired!!!!
While it is necessary to boost your husband's ego by making him feel good, it should not be done at the expense of your own self esteem. Personally I think, keeping quiet and backing down to avoid quarrels only serve to reinforce such behaviour in the man. Not that I am asking you to go quarrel with him but the next time he does something like that, just tell him that what he says hurts you and it does not help matters at all. What will help is his support, not criticism. If he starts getting worked up, tell him you are not there to pick a quarrel, you just want him to stop hurting you.
Hope things can improve.
One thing I learn over the years in marriage if I want to effect a change in my spouse is to make sure she feels loved first and that I sincerely want her to change because I love her and want her to be a better person. Not because I am irritated or upset at her. I definitely do not advocate not doing anything or keeping quiet. There should be clear dialogues to thrash out issues that need to be fixed, but one should not engange in such dialogues because of anger or emotions. I know that most posters here are females hence the strong reactions here, that's why I provide my viewpoint here from a male perspective. -
Funz:
very gd advice given by Funz... :goodpost:
Sounds to me like it is bordering on emotional abuse, especially the part where he says to watch out. People who do that have low self esteem and they need to put people down to feel good about themselves. Over time, he will wear you down if you let him. Some women who are not so self assured will start to believe what the man tells them, that they are useless or worthless.bunnievivi:
I need advice... im married for 5 years with 2 boys age 3 and 4. Ever since i had my 1st boy born out, whateva i do.. my hubby will find fault with me. Why do i always be the one care n bother about kids and family things when he only find fault in me?
Buy food, the seller mever put chilli when i said i want chilli, my fault.
When q-ing for food, i reaponse slow, im timid and useless.
When i got bullied by workplace people, i brainless.
When bring kids out, kids fall down, im blind.
When he promise to go out with kids and back out. Im selfish.
When i want to go out eat with friends, im money spender.
When he put words into my mouth, i face other side, im playing mind games and i need to watch out.
Is there a need to push me to e end?
How i wish i can earn more money! So i can bring my sons for enrichment course!!!!
Just enquiries ffom sch for some helps, im wearing big hat with no brain.
I just feel so tired!!!!
While it is necessary to boost your husband's ego by making him feel good, it should not be done at the expense of your own self esteem. Personally I think, keeping quiet and backing down to avoid quarrels only serve to reinforce such behaviour in the man. Not that I am asking you to go quarrel with him but the next time he does something like that, just tell him that what he says hurts you and it does not help matters at all. What will help is his support, not criticism. If he starts getting worked up, tell him you are not there to pick a quarrel, you just want him to stop hurting you.
Hope things can improve. -
Hi
I have been through that..... I still don't know how to tell you to ignore or accept what he does is ok. Furthermore when they are at this \"stage\" whatever you say or do will just add \"fuel to fire\"
Maybe now I have already been so used to it I don't feel a thing.
The best part is now he sort of realise that he is at fault for using all these \"hurtful\" words, we shall see
I already told him I am not a perfect wife
Since he has found another \"woman\" who is so \"perfect\" let it be
God knows I have tried.
I am only doing my best for my kids and only God will know how hard I have tried.
Focus your attention and energy on raising your children well
You owe them that
Don't focus on the unhappiness, just focus on the positive.
Hope one day everything will turn out ok for you......
All the best....
:hugs: -
cfan:
Hi
I have been through that..... I still don't know how to tell you to ignore or accept what he does is ok. Furthermore when they are at this \"stage\" whatever you say or do will just add \"fuel to fire\"
Maybe now I have already been so used to it I don't feel a thing.
The best part is now he sort of realise that he is at fault for using all these \"hurtful\" words, we shall see
I already told him I am not a perfect wife
Since he has found another \"woman\" who is so \"perfect\" let it be
God knows I have tried.
I am only doing my best for my kids and only God will know how hard I have tried.
Focus your attention and energy on raising your children well
You owe them that
Don't focus on the unhappiness, just focus on the positive.
Hope one day everything will turn out ok for you......
All the best....
:hugs:
:goodpost: :hugs: :grphug: -
Dreamaurora:
I understand where you are coming from. I am fully aware what the husband did caused much distress hence the post here. And I am sure no wives ever want to be treated like that. But by confronting the husband directly or opposing him when he starts doing that will be akin to add fuel to the fire. It may lead to ugly confrontations in the public.
Sounds to me like it is bordering on emotional abuse, especially the part where he says to watch out. People who do that have low self esteem and they need to put people down to feel good about themselves. Over time, he will wear you down if you let him. Some women who are not so self assured will start to believe what the man tells them, that they are useless or worthless.Funz:
[quote=\"bunnievivi\"]I need advice... im married for 5 years with 2 boys age 3 and 4. Ever since i had my 1st boy born out, whateva i do.. my hubby will find fault with me. Why do i always be the one care n bother about kids and family things when he only find fault in me?
Buy food, the seller mever put chilli when i said i want chilli, my fault.
When q-ing for food, i reaponse slow, im timid and useless.
When i got bullied by workplace people, i brainless.
When bring kids out, kids fall down, im blind.
When he promise to go out with kids and back out. Im selfish.
When i want to go out eat with friends, im money spender.
When he put words into my mouth, i face other side, im playing mind games and i need to watch out.
Is there a need to push me to e end?
How i wish i can earn more money! So i can bring my sons for enrichment course!!!!
Just enquiries ffom sch for some helps, im wearing big hat with no brain.
I just feel so tired!!!!
While it is necessary to boost your husband's ego by making him feel good, it should not be done at the expense of your own self esteem. Personally I think, keeping quiet and backing down to avoid quarrels only serve to reinforce such behaviour in the man. Not that I am asking you to go quarrel with him but the next time he does something like that, just tell him that what he says hurts you and it does not help matters at all. What will help is his support, not criticism. If he starts getting worked up, tell him you are not there to pick a quarrel, you just want him to stop hurting you.
Hope things can improve.
One thing I learn over the years in marriage if I want to effect a change in my spouse is to make sure she feels loved first and that I sincerely want her to change because I love her and want her to be a better person. Not because I am irritated or upset at her. I definitely do not advocate not doing anything or keeping quiet. There should be clear dialogues to thrash out issues that need to be fixed, but one should not engange in such dialogues because of anger or emotions. I know that most posters here are females hence the strong reactions here, that's why I provide my viewpoint here from a male perspective.[/quote]I do not see how telling the husband that his words hurt her is directly opposing.
There could be 2 possibilities here. Her husband is essentially a decent guy going through some tough issues of his own. If that is the case, by her voicing out that what he is doing hurts her should give him pause for thought. A lot of times, we are not aware of how much our words or lack of for that matter, hurts the ones closest to us. And many a times, we expect the other party to have some kind of telepathic powers to know how we are feeling. No need to argue, no need to heap any accusations. Just let him know what was said was hurtful, especially when one is seeking support and comfort. Most guys do not like to see their loved ones hurt, what more by their own actions. And this can be the opening for that dialogue to bridge whatever gaps.
The other possibility is he is a SOB who gets his kicks out of demeaning her. In that case, yes, it might lead to something explosive. In this case, time for her to seek more help as in most of such cases, if she tries to fix the issues herself, her spirit might die before any dialogue can happen.
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