Cold Wars (with your spouse)
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mommy2two & verykiasumummy,
Ya, nowadays everyone busy with their own life. The nearest to reach maybe our PC. Kekeke. But the replies need sometime to come back even when online.
At least, better write here than talking to a wall.
U might be surprised if u c me, I look quiet & shy but here I'm talkative & bossy.
Hope after writing out here, all of u feel better.
Happy Day & remember the sun'll always rise! (Positive thinking)
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One song I learned to sing from my children cartoon \"Noddy\" cd,
(I've translate the song from cantonese to english myself cause my cd is in cantonese):
Try once more, if u can, must try once more.
When u meet with difficulties, don't need to be scare, don't give up!
U must remember by heart, if u can, must try once more.
When u meet with difficulties, don't need to be scare.
Yes, Yes, Yes!
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I dunno whether to be happy or sad to find that this thread is still alive. To all mommies out there going through a difficult period, hang in there.
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its better to say it here than to keep it in your heart…
i m usually the one among my galfrens whom they will look for when they need advice… u can share ur problems and i may be of some help… -
so verykiasumummy will be the advisor here.
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Mychildren:
so verykiasumummy will be the advisor here.
haha... welcome...
my pleasure if it does help...
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gosh… just ended a long cold war with my DW
took us nearly 2 months not talking to each other… -
Wa! 2 months is a long time. Try not to make that often, it will be bad for the marriage.
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I am new to Kiasuparents.com. stumble upon it when i was googling or alcoholic related topics. i noted in this forum apart from drinking husband, this topic has generated a lot of response which i also can relate to!
It’s sad to see so many wives suffering the same fate. Are there any daddies here? I do believe whatever problem be it alcohol or abusive spouse, man can also be the victim. i know a man who got bashed up by his wife on a regular basis and he actually live with it!
Back to this cold war issue, i wasn’t a cold war person because i am talkative and usually expressive of my feelings but my hubby is the opposite. 9 years into the marriage, this cold war thing was started by him though he doesnt call it cold war, he said he needs time to cool off. Cool off period for him range between minimum 1 day to as long as a week. This happen in the first few years of marriage. Eventually i gave up trying to talk to him or ask him what is wrong.
First 3-4 years i kept asking the same question over & over again, what is wrong, can we talk about it? It affected me and i always take MC or leave because i was too distraught to go to work. i kept on asking myself the same question thousands of time why is he not speaking to me? Gradually i also dont bother to ask especially after my children came about because the focus now shifted to my kids.
Things did gets better sometimes but it also deteriorates quite fast, mainly because i got upset with his drinking binge and he also hardly spend time with the kids. It’s not like he goes out a lot except to the coffee shop downstairs for his beer but he will do this like 3-4 times on weekends. So he will rotate between home & coffee shop. It’s like now u see him, now u don’t. if he has more than a few bottles, by 9pm+ on Saturday, he most probably dozed off on the sofa.
He has never bring the kids to the playground unless it is a school field trip so probably out of my son 6 years life, he brought him 2-3 times! He hardly plan anythign for the kids on weekends, i do the planning and ask him to go but if it is anything outdoor, it is unlikely he want to go. on sunday he only likes to bring us to shopping mall, eat and go home so he can go to coffee shop again!
We tried counselling but i felt very tired & exhausted so if we quarrel or has a disagreement, i just gave up explaining and kept quiet. Now i am trying to be detached, not that i want to wedge a cold war, detach because that is the last resort to make him realised if he doesnt do something about his drinking, he has so much more to loose.
I don’t think it is healthy at all to live under 1 roof with your spouse & not talk or share anything together. if there is no love, concern or passion it is better to go our own way. i dont know how this ‘detachment’ thing is going to affect my children but i am trying to stick to it and put a time frame because if he doesnt realised then it’s time to move on. Like lingg has mentioned that her mum said if u want to get upset, ask yourself what this is going to do to u in 20 years, well i am asking myself in 20 years time, my children are grown up, do i have a life with someone who embraces the bottle more than me? -
peapot:
Wa! 2 months is a long time. Try not to make that often, it will be bad for the marriage.
trying.. though not easy cos of some wrong things said during an argument..
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