Is this normal relationship?

[Fireflyserene]

I am married with a child for over 10years. Our marriage has been v dramatic. My dh is an alcoholic. His dependency on alcohol has been getting from bad to worst. It is painful not able to help him change this undesirable behavior. He would either drunk and not returning home or back in the eve next day. At times, no return! I read about topics in KSP namely, love or responsibility.I’m not sure how to deal with this (v draining emotionally, physically). He knows I dislike his alcoholism and has been avoiding me. I love my family v much but I’m totality helpless! Help!

[365psych]

Firstly he needs to agree to be helped. Have to identify why he drinks. Is it a form of escapism? Is he avoiding something? Can he not face something? Is it an addiction that cannot be let-go easily? There are many issues, and each one will have a different approach. But first he must agree to be helped.


I suggest you call James Cook University (Upper Thomson Road), and ask to speak to someone in the psychology clinic. They offer very very low cost counselling and psychology help. Cognitive behaviour therapy is one way to solve an addiction issue. Building close family bonds is another. If you go to a professional counsellor, it’ll cost $$. If you ask CDC for counselling help, they will dig deep. JCU is really good. Call them, they will help you.

I however would like to applaud you for asking for help, and give you a brotherly hug to tell you that if you want change and if you seek change, then change will happen. Just be strong and persevere. Your spouse should know how much you love him, and if he love you one bit, he will change.

Good luck. God Bless.

[Fireflyserene]

Thank u, 365psych for your reply.

Is it a religious organization or? How does it work and the charges?

[Fireflyserene]

Found the web-link about James Cook University:-

http://www.jcu.edu.sg/Home/ContactUs/tabid/85/SuperStructureID/35/unhide/98/Default.aspx
Thanks again, 365psych

[ayeritam1975]

I am curious if Fireflyserene manage to get help for her husband? I am having the same experience though hubby don’t go out to drink every night and not come home but over the years he did go out at night and come home only next morning, usually on Friday or Saturday night. he does not agreed or admit he is alcoholic or having high dependency on alcohol.

[MINMINNYMIN]

This is not normal... Infact my ex husband used to be the same. It basically stems down to them being selfish and thinking about themselves all the time. It is easy for them to go out and \"relax\" and think that they can come home whenever they please, but what would happen if you did the same thing???


If they are ok with you doing the same things, then they are not selfish, but I can bet you he wouldn't like it... Yes he may now be addicted to alcohol and needs help, but also you must get help for your marriage. If he is not coming home where is he?

It will take alot of work for you both to get through this, hopefully you do better than me :roll:

[oh Siong]

if it is substance addiction , be it alcoholism / smoking etc, typical counselling method, might not work...

so far, motivational interview, is more effective.... and it is not a 1 time x_number sessions = quit...
addiction, relapse is very common...
hence, i am not sure if JCU has the expertise, but national addiction management servicesmight be able to help ..
https://www.nams.sg/Pages/default.aspx
just my 2 cents

[oh Siong]

if he dont see it as a problem, he wont want to solve it

If he is in denial… then it is also difficult…unless he starts to realize and experience all the negativity brought by the drinking behavior

[shamsmehra90]

No this is not a normal but being single is happy

[CathyYu]

If I would be on your shoes, I might be leaving him for good if he continues to do what he’s currently doing. It’s unhealthy for you and your kids. The effect later will be harder for you