Thanks twinkleLime & adonciaTang.

AdonciaTang,

Sorry to hear about your childhood incident. Thanks for sharing it & I admire your courage & maturity(at such tender age). I t must have been hard on you. Infact I was feeling v depressed but I tell myself that I can't afford to as my child needs me... Although at times I do breakdown in tears (as there is just too much happenings at same time - work, health, betrayal, family etc). I was so 'drained physically, emotionally'... & traumatized by that \"eventful nite\" that I was so \"scared\"...but I can't leave my child. I'm healing....
But I don't understand why H can be so cruel & disregard own child.
Sorry if i pour too much.

I'm glad that u have a lovely family. Stay happy forever. :thankyou:

My heart is 'bleeding' beyond words. Really appreciate all the kind consolation.


Cfan, thks for sharing. I feel ur pain about the other party's action (mine:( tt wmn even create ultimum for H to 'threaten D' & .... (tears can't help dripping)....even when I try to \"ignore\" what I \"knw about their affair....

Ummm... Pointless to recall those bad memories (I'm too stubborn to hold on marriage vow... Wait & wait.. But now,Does it matter?.. I'm sceptical)

How I wish I cld just \"erase\" all these & \"reborn\".



AdonciaTang, thanks


:lovesite:

Hi

Been away for past few months going thru many dramatic problems & emotional pains. Thanks all who have shared thoughts & words of encouragement. Sad to hear about so many wives experiencing similar situation & pain.
H left us & "disappeared" for months…after causing deep deep pain to me (H even wanted to strangle me becos of the woman) After long disappearance, H appeared to ‘threaten’ to D. H doesnt care about child & firmly said he does not want this family:(
I’m still facing the trauma (that eventful night) but I know I don’t even have the chance to "indulge" in depression/emotional distress as my child needs me.
As much as I’m reluctant to give up my family (maybe I’m too conservative or stubborn to accept a broken family), I do not have a choice as H left & refuse to return (wanting to b with his Wmn).
H is only concerned about self interest ($) & have no regards for child.
Great to have this forum & all the kind sharing. Sorry to pour here again - negative post

In my case, H been manipulative. Tried communicating & so call open talk, pretend not to know what H is doing outside, confronted his liar & unreasonable wired , showing concerns & talk senses etc... never solve real problem. H will at most apologise & 'commit' again. Ya, if I hv patience to stomach, it will still up to H to 'wake up'. H don't seem to see what raytan30 is seeing. Wonder if a guy has EMA & that third party willingly wait & seem v understanding, will guy give up family to go..... Will those questions still matter!



Hi Raytan30,
Thanks for your open sharing- appreciate it. Wish u & DW a blissful happy marriage forever.


Thanks all the well advices.
Anyway, :lovesite:

[quote]raytan30\t

it is possible to salvage the marriage… i am a good example.

I had an affair when i was quite disillusioned with marriage then after that i learned wth just accept.

so me and my wife went back to having sex again… which i never thought was possible frankly.

of course til now she will still worry if i go out and drink with friends. so what i do is to go those places she’s been before and ask my friends to go. very guai places.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raytan30,
This is great reunion & trying to show your DW u care to give her assurance n security r great gesture.
What is the first trigger or turning point for u to ‘wake up’? (sorry if I sound too direct & if u don’t mind sharing - no obligation though. Jus wish to understand Perspective of H). Most people say that once man has EMA will not turn back …

I’m loss of words… Thanks for all the well reminders. Really appreciate it. H keeps all his finanical documents locked and away, no access. As for money, cant expect H to contribute more (I’m also contributing financially to family). I’m working but lately facing health issue and may lost my job soon. H is v particular with money. Even when kid asked h for adhoc school expenses, H even asked kid to ask from mum! What sort of man (despite H financially well off). H could spend few hundreds a night in KTV but pinched on family. H is self employed doing well in biz but do not allow any access to me. H has many friends (divorcees as well). H makes me feel that H has no responsibility to wife:(


Sorry to pour…
btw, hope AppleCrisp is coping well and by sharing here, hope those facing same issue feel that you are not alone. May God bless all & get out of sorrow real soon.

I’m trying day by day to "not care" (though lately, H left early AM & did not return till next day afternoon and sleep the whole day upon return:(- no explanation & no regards for my feeling) - move on - god give me strength,pls.

Thanks all for your concern. I dont know why I still hangon. Maybe H always transfer blame. H always said initially that there is no issues even when H no return. H even said it is normal to drink till wee hours n most his Frds (whom H never get me involved) are like that n their wife no issues! So I was stupid enough to think that I may hv to understand n take it as normal. Till I decided to post here to know if others may think his behaviour is normal or acceptable… I was kind of oppressed wondering if I hv not understand enough. But as many incidents prove H behaviour not logical.

I felt that marriage is solemn n shld not give up without reason. So I quietly bearing the sadness thinking if there is no third party, things may work out if I try harden. But H Wierd n indiff behaviors suggest otherwise. H accused that don’t think so without prove. But H keep his whereabouts secretly n v cautious. Afraid to let known his whereabouts. Lied abt where h go.
H like to use diff tactics on diff situation. H made me feel that h has no EMA but transfer blame that ‘u r imagining’. I was v disturbed by Wat h say n so posted to see if my concern r valid as wife. True enough I’m stupid to b mentally manipulated by H (transfer blame, confuse me by treating me harshly then next take it as if nothing happen so long I don’t try to communicate about our marriage issue n leaving h to drink n no return). Is h really drinking or on the prextent for his no return! H did say that even if h don’t drink, also will hv problem!
Some says H is manipulating my thought!
I feel I can’t breathe, being oppressed, fear. (don’t know why when h is unreasonable or raising his voice just to cut off conversation, I m afraid to "fight back" but swollen the pain not wanting to pick up quarrel)!
After incident, I feel horrid as it is degrading n depressing. Cycle goes round n round.
I don’t want this feeling of oppression but don’t know how to get out of "fear".

H initially will try to give excuses (all sort of reasons) for no return or back at wee hrs to pacify me. But as times go by, H noted I still forgive or can’t do anything abt it, H even unreasonably asked me if he can just leave home & us and don’t want to be back anymore! Can spouse just leave as n when like it after marriage? I ask H why. H rebutted that H may kill me one day!

I can’t believe it - so cruel threat…

Thanks for all the encouragement. Btw. My MIL has passed away yrs ago. Anyway, I can’t confide in her since the day of marriage- cos initially when H drink n return late & we are 'quarrelled", MIL told me in front of H that man flirting outside (feng Chang zuo xi) never mind. When H went oversea MIL hinted I shldnt go back to my parents home. I don’t blame MIL now although I did when aforesaid happened just at initial marriage. I guess MIL was overly protective of her DS.

My parents helped me a lot but lately their health condition not so good (both undergo operations, but lucky they r ok now). Just that they r old n at times I feel v sorry to burden them at such elderly age. They should b enjoying precious life now.
Subconsciously I thik I’m hoping H wld think n treasure family but knowing there is no real solution unless H wishes to. Letting go- leading own life but I worry I will not be able to save this family forever. I put all responsibility on myself to "save" this family:( find myself hopeless.
Appreciate all d kind encouragement n sorry if I still sound negative n not able to move on…