Husband drinks & stays out late - Does yours?

[Fireflyserene]

Thanks for all the encouragement. Btw. My MIL has passed away yrs ago. Anyway, I can’t confide in her since the day of marriage- cos initially when H drink n return late & we are 'quarrelled", MIL told me in front of H that man flirting outside (feng Chang zuo xi) never mind. When H went oversea MIL hinted I shldnt go back to my parents home. I don’t blame MIL now although I did when aforesaid happened just at initial marriage. I guess MIL was overly protective of her DS.

My parents helped me a lot but lately their health condition not so good (both undergo operations, but lucky they r ok now). Just that they r old n at times I feel v sorry to burden them at such elderly age. They should b enjoying precious life now.
Subconsciously I thik I’m hoping H wld think n treasure family but knowing there is no real solution unless H wishes to. Letting go- leading own life but I worry I will not be able to save this family forever. I put all responsibility on myself to "save" this family:( find myself hopeless.
Appreciate all d kind encouragement n sorry if I still sound negative n not able to move on…

[Fireflyserene]

H initially will try to give excuses (all sort of reasons) for no return or back at wee hrs to pacify me. But as times go by, H noted I still forgive or can’t do anything abt it, H even unreasonably asked me if he can just leave home & us and don’t want to be back anymore! Can spouse just leave as n when like it after marriage? I ask H why. H rebutted that H may kill me one day!

I can’t believe it - so cruel threat…

[laughingcat]

Dear fireflyserene,


:hugs: Since your DH doesn't want to talk despite you trying and since his heart is harden, i am very sorry to say that you must learn to let go. For the sake of your mental well being and your child. I really don't know you and your DH well enough but hearing from you.....your DH is so hard-hearted as in not so forgiving.....then there is really no point in you keep trying. :hugs: It is really time to let go and learn to love yourself more. Channel your energy to yourself and your child. :snuggles:

[Flowermonaster]

Fireflyserene,

I’m both sad & worry for you. Sad that you are enduring your hub’s unreasonable behavior to keep the family as a whole. I am sure a lot of people must have told you to be strong, get your own life! I am saying, get out of this situation for your life. Your hub’s comment sounds threatening to me. From what you wrote, I think he is no longer interested in any sort of relationship with you. If not, he won’t say things like leaving home & not coming back anymore, might kill you one day. I am not sure if he is under lots of pressure in work or there is something wrong in your relationship that he cannot forgive & forget? Do pardon me if I said anything inappropriate. I know it’s none of my business but I can’t help to feel worried for you. Do take good care of yourself first then you are able to take care of your children. If things really don’t work out, cry your heart out, then stand up & find your own path, think positive & never look back. I am sure you’re a strong woman since you are able to endure your situation for so long. May GOD bless U.

[blessed777]

Never lose your self while trying to hold on to someone who doesnt care of losing you, take care.

[Chenonceau]

blessed777:

Never lose your self while trying to hold on to someone who doesnt care of losing you, take care.

Wise words.

[fightingmom]

Be good to yourself. People will only treat you as well as you treat yourself.

- Mark Victor Hansen.

[cfan]

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”

― Mother Teresa

Just do your best. Time is the best medicine for all wounds.
It is not worth to be upset over the person who does not feel for you.
Take one small step at a time.

\"Let's work hard together?? OK?\" :hugs:

[Funz]

Fireflyserene & Applecrisp,


My heart aches for both of you. Reading more of the situation you are in, I think DH and I were in a better position. DH never ever threatened to walk out on us and yes when we do quarrel, the things we say to each other can be pretty ugly but it was never threatening or abusive.

Please do not feel ashamed of what you are going through. There is no shame in trying to work things out. Do not cut your friends off. If you are not ready to confide in them, at least still be in contact with them. Having a social life does wonders for one’s self esteem. Your intentions to not worry your parents is understandable. But you are a parent yourself. Would you rather be kept in the dark about what your child is going through or for the child to tell you and confide in you?

I am not sure about either of your financial situation and your financial arrangements with your DH. For me I have always been financially independant of DH. So if DH and I had not worked out, I am capable of supporting the kiddos and myself with no problems at all. You can hold out hope that your DH will mellow or change but in the mean time, try to build your financial resources.

Fireflyserene, as much as possible, I think a family should work out their issues to stay intact. The few reasons that I will think otherwise is when the spouse has been abusive/repeatedly unfaithful. Your husband is bordering on being abusive towards you. Threatening to just walk out on you and even killing you. He does that to wear you down and he also thinks you have no other choice but to put up with his nonsense. The ball is not always in his court. Keeping a marriage intact is not always the best thing for the kids. Think through your choices.

It takes courage to weather through a stormy relationship but it takes even more courage to get out of a destructive one.

[hokkiengirl]

Hi, firefly serene,


I understand why you don’t want to let your parents know about your marital problems. I didn’t want to let my parents know about mine either because a) I didn’t want to worry them, b) I didn’t want to be subject to the stress of their worry, and c) I thought that if things worked out, it would have been difficult for my parents to forgive him completely if they knew what he had done.

Still, it is a good idea to talk to someone. I called my church up for counselling. You may want to try a religious organisation of your own, talk to friends or call a counselling hotline. Sometimes, talking it out with someone ‘live’ can give you a new perspective on your situation.

If it is convenient for you to share, may I know why you feel you still want to stay with your husband? No worries if you are not comfortable giving an answer. It’s just that it may help in understanding your position a bit better. And it may give yourself some clarity when assessing your marriage. Take care!