How to salvage marriage

[BeContented]

raytan30:

it is possible to salvage the marriage.. i am a good example.


I had an affair when i was quite disillusioned with marriage then after that i learned wth just accept.

so me and my wife went back to having sex again... which i never thought was possible frankly.

of course til now she will still worry if i go out and drink with friends. so what i do is to go those places she's been before and ask my friends to go. very guai places.

Good that you & your wife have patched up. The trust will take time to rebuild. Persevere.

I am curious to find out from a male's perspective when you say you are disillusioned with marriage. Perhaps we can learn & understand more through your sharings. That is of course depend on whether you mind sharing your thots here.

[cfan]

raytan30:

it is possible to salvage the marriage.. i am a good example.


I had an affair when i was quite disillusioned with marriage then after that i learned wth just accept.

so me and my wife went back to having sex again... which i never thought was possible frankly.

of course til now she will still worry if i go out and drink with friends. so what i do is to go those places she's been before and ask my friends to go. very guai places.

Good to hear that!! Cherish her well!!
Lucky that you \"woke up\" in time

[raytan30]

Hi Be contented


quite simple. i believe in marriage the couple must grow together.. it's not just physical intimacy, but also financial, emotional intimacy.

When i first started out biz my wife very supportive which i am still appreciative for. when biz pick up she say she going to quit her job because now biz doing ok.
I was quite sad because i needed to know;

1. we can be independent
in case i bankrupt or biz fail i need to know we can work together and she can also stand on her own. LKY was right in saying he knew if anything happen to him he needed to know the wife still can continue with the family.
in this case once she see things ok she straight away switch off.

2. money issues
ie in my previous post i staying with in laws so quite stressed by the bloody hell BIL who always no money. then i end up paying for a lot of stuff. I don't need anyone to contribute any money really. but just that not to take me for granted.


3. maturity
to me this is the underlying factor of every problem.
i felt after we got married i had to settle insurance, holidays, everything else. she doesn't do anything and feels it's a pride that her husband does everything. i take it as a compliment but also i do wish she was more involved and understands all these things that i plan.
I wished for that we would get involved to work together in most things.

anyway nowadays I kua pua liao.. we still go out on dinner dates , watch movies and go holidays.. which i never thought i would be able to do.


For the positive part...
1. at least we still can talk
2.she's smart and knows what i am talking about
3.we appreciate the same things.
4. and most really very super duper sibeh maximum overload important reason i patched up with her becuase i knew if i go bankrupt or if the world were to end only she would love me.


at the end of the day as long as she don't gamble away money, rack up credit card bills, go out with other guys and takes care of our son then ok lor.
I just take it that this is my cup... though it feels like a d-cup. lol.

i hope that answers the question..

[fightingmom]

raytan30:

Hi Be contented


quite simple. i believe in marriage the couple must grow together.. it's not just physical intimacy, but also financial, emotional intimacy.

When i first started out biz my wife very supportive which i am still appreciative for. when biz pick up she say she going to quit her job because now biz doing ok.
I was quite sad because i needed to know;

1. we can be independent
in case i bankrupt or biz fail i need to know we can work together and she can also stand on her own. LKY was right in saying he knew if anything happen to him he needed to know the wife still can continue with the family.
in this case once she see things ok she straight away switch off.

2. money issues
ie in my previous post i staying with in laws so quite stressed by the bloody hell BIL who always no money. then i end up paying for a lot of stuff. I don't need anyone to contribute any money really. but just that not to take me for granted.


3. maturity
to me this is the underlying factor of every problem.
i felt after we got married i had to settle insurance, holidays, everything else. she doesn't do anything and feels it's a pride that her husband does everything. i take it as a compliment but also i do wish she was more involved and understands all these things that i plan.
I wished for that we would get involved to work together in most things.

anyway nowadays I kua pua liao.. we still go out on dinner dates , watch movies and go holidays.. which i never thought i would be able to do.


For the positive part...
1. at least we still can talk
2.she's smart and knows what i am talking about
3.we appreciate the same things.
4. and most really very super duper sibeh maximum overload important reason i patched up with her becuase i knew if i go bankrupt or if the world were to end only she would love me.


at the end of the day as long as she don't gamble away money, rack up credit card bills, go out with other guys and takes care of our son then ok lor.
I just take it that this is my cup... though it feels like a d-cup. lol.

i hope that answers the question..

Hi raytan30,

It seems that you and your DW has some breakdown in communication and expectation initally. I guess once both of you talked it out, you are able to resolve the issues you both have and come out stronger as a couple.

Do cherish what both of you have now and hope for many good years to come for both of you ! :rahrah:

[Fireflyserene]

[quote]raytan30\t

it is possible to salvage the marriage… i am a good example.

I had an affair when i was quite disillusioned with marriage then after that i learned wth just accept.

so me and my wife went back to having sex again… which i never thought was possible frankly.

of course til now she will still worry if i go out and drink with friends. so what i do is to go those places she’s been before and ask my friends to go. very guai places.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raytan30,
This is great reunion & trying to show your DW u care to give her assurance n security r great gesture.
What is the first trigger or turning point for u to ‘wake up’? (sorry if I sound too direct & if u don’t mind sharing - no obligation though. Jus wish to understand Perspective of H). Most people say that once man has EMA will not turn back …

[BeContented]

Hi raytan30,

thanks for the sharing, appreciate it. Saw some similarity in my own marriage and your sharing made me realised that I need to pay more attention to my DH view too.

Thanks…I wish you well with your wife…how things will be better as she regain her trust.

[raytan30]

hi guys


thank you for your posts an positive replies… so much encouragement that i feel like i’m in rehab! lol.

Mdm fireflyserene >
you know my wife can’t cook, can’t do chores, etc… can boss people very well.
that’s why i was a bit put off to say the least. she just wants to stay home and not do anything.
what made me turn back was because i realised my wife loved me very much. everything she did her best and i realised kind of in a selfish way too that i’d be stoopeed to lose her. i think worse case if i bankrupt then my gf or my wife going to stay with me? of course my wife la! no need to think.
wa lao last time gf always ask for cartier etc…it happens to a lot of guys.

those are the my intangible thoughts. but the tangible was when she said her friend got photo evidence i was with a girl (which i think today is a lie) and i fell for it. i’m quite dumb…never seen the photo til this day! so on the spot… and i mean like on the spot ! my spirit came back to my body and i literally begged her to forgive me.

so if you think you have the patience to stomach all these nonsense from husband and still love him. then you should still love him, stick to it and if you do have anything to prove, just confront him.
but it’s a risk of course. but love is a risk isn’t it?

your last qn about possible to change entirely and avoid EMA? i don’t know…but i know even if not, the man must always remember to come back to the family to provide for family, bring wife out on dates and celebrate her birthdays.

anyway i got 2 other friends like me, it is possible to re-kindle a marriage again and that’s the beauty!

[Fireflyserene]

In my case, H been manipulative. Tried communicating & so call open talk, pretend not to know what H is doing outside, confronted his liar & unreasonable wired , showing concerns & talk senses etc... never solve real problem. H will at most apologise & 'commit' again. Ya, if I hv patience to stomach, it will still up to H to 'wake up'. H don't seem to see what raytan30 is seeing. Wonder if a guy has EMA & that third party willingly wait & seem v understanding, will guy give up family to go..... Will those questions still matter!



Hi Raytan30,
Thanks for your open sharing- appreciate it. Wish u & DW a blissful happy marriage forever.


Thanks all the well advices.
Anyway, :lovesite:

[sleepy]

It’s very scary if the husband harbours the thought that his wife will forgive & forget and welcome him back as long as he begs for forgiveness & promises to turn over a new leaf. If he believes that, he will believe there is no consequence in straying.

[Canvas]

sleepy:

It's very scary if the husband harbours the thought that his wife will forgive & forget and welcome him back as long as he begs for forgiveness & promises to turn over a new leaf. If he believes that, he will believe there is no consequence in straying.

I second that. Everyone has a threshold.