All About Autism

[lavendery]

helplessmum3:

How to get adult to get diagnosed ?


What is husband working as now? How old is he?

Try to go thru the subsidized route. Can refer to Polyclinic and get diagnosed at IMH.

I'm sure your husband is actively looking for jobs but its near year end now. Lots of people won't be quiting as they are waiting for 13th mth bonus. He will have better luck next year

[mashy]

Lavendry


U are very kind. If I were u, I would have divorced him already. Didn’t his family tell u or even hinted to u anything?

Can u ask for some sort of maintenance from him for your gal at least? Does he still see his gal?

[helplessmum3]

My hub can’t any take up any job end up I will to suffer cuz he sure will hav unhappy about the job.


I can’t rent my house its will be a long process … Inorder to rent I need to rearrange n pack up a lot of things I don’t have the time to do it now. My mother stay in 2 room flat w my brother who is just a delivery man … My mother is very sick she has diabete n knee problem always fainting a lot of health problem …

Eipic ceiling is very bad… I still have to pay 300 a month n bus fee 80… A lot of money for me already cuz my son still need full day care cuz he go rainbow Monday to wed from 315 to 515…I work at 6pm from 9am…

See double e, only pay 400++ but dual income de… They shd review the calculation

[helplessmum3]

double e, u really hit the key word"bottled up"

[helplessmum3]

jme, what is integrated child care? where is it what the name, so special has OT & SLT… i duno about it all

[helplessmum3]

Lavendary,


i guess is not your husband who behind all these. Guess is his parents. they are very mean

[jme]

Helplessmum


http://www.cel.sg/Resources_FAQs_Integrated-Child-Care-Programme.aspx

But hearsay the waiting period is long. I am not sure. I went to three different private cc to check. St Gerard at Guillemard, divinity at bishan n kids4kits at telok kurau.

[ImMeeMee]

lavendery:

Based on my own personal experience, its not easy asking a man to seek counseling. Cos guys usually cares a lot about \"face\".


Like wise my husband who is an aspie, he has meltdown too, shouting and kneel down and kowtowing on the floor. Sometimes i will be mean and threaten to take video and told him that i will upload in facebook to show all his colleagues. He has display lesser kowtowing symptoms since then.

But in return, he will have more patterns, such as body rocking, arm swinging and smearing nose mucus all over his arms and face.

If your husbands ever try to be violent, try talk calmly with him. If nothing works, perhaps you need to use the harder approach such as threatening to take video of him taking anger onto the poor child, perhaps it might works?

However i face lesser stress than you as i'm living seperately with him and i'm raising my girl myself.

Lavendery, reading your life experience brought a lot of mixed emotions to me.

I feel thankful that I have a supportive family - please dont get me wrong its not my intention to gloat on what I have, its just that your experience has been a good mirror for me to reflect on what I have and I thank you for teaching me.

I feel glad that you have found a path for yourself and your daughter despite the hardship. There will always be stress - financial, resources, lack of support (society or otherwise) - but despite the adversities we make the best out of what we have. I salute you for your great strength in able to handle two close family members with similar issues.

I also feel sad that your husband has not been able to sustain the marriage. The fact just became starker to me about the mutual challenges for ASD individuals to maintain an intimate relationship. While I do not expect my daughter to have her own family in the future and my rational self is able to explain the logic behind this, my emotional self still feels great sadness in witnessing this in a fellow individual.

We grow wiser with every experience that we go through.

[nugget]

Lavendery,


Thanks for sharing your experience. You are one strong woman. I respect you for that. Its really not easy being a single mum, moreoever, single mum of a special needs child.

Helplessmum,

I feel that life is about choices and priorities. You can make yourself feel good or you can choose to whine, blame everyone, play victim and make yourself miserable.

What I am going to write is harsh here, you can don't read what I have to say. If you think I am very disrespectful then I am sorry you feel that way. I only respect mothers who help and respect themselves.

Your hubby went into depression and you sharing here with us is not going to help. You either get him help, make him wake up his idea, leave him, threaten him, get his family/good friends to talk to him. However, you choose not to do anything about it. And say in his current state, you cant ask him to do housework?!?? All I can say is you brought this upon yourself.
You have a choice. You have chosen to let him be the way he is... Being a spouse is to encourage each other, help out each other, being there for each other. You are just letting him be what he is.. then whine to us instead of doing something to let him snap out of it.

Next, you say your are financially tight. There are ways to work around the system. You can appeal to your MP, you can quit your job and do part time so your income will be lower then you get more subsidy and more time for your boy or you can ask your hb to work part time. He is anything better than sitting at home. Again, you just whine, saying govt not giving enough grant, everything so ex, subsidized therapy at HPB sucks.. you rather not go cos it takes so much of your time, leave and effort and you dun see results. The way I read your post is that its causing more inconvenience to you than the benefit it brings to your son. Therapy is not a one time session that allows you to see results immediately.
I see that you want something that is cheap, effective, near your place, at your convenience without sweating it out... sorry, there is no such things in the world. If there is, I also want. Therefore, again, this is a choice, you chosen not to take up the therapy at HPB, then whine again say govt service sucks, not helping you.

Lastly, I feel you care about yourself more than your son. I feel that you are a very very self centered person. You always say Why god give you this son, why he is ASD, why he is this and why he is that.
Do you try to think from his perspective? Is he happy? When he is happy, aren't you contented? All of us mummies here want our ASD kids to be safe, happy and independent. Your priority is for him to become some ideal son you always dream of and not accepting who he is.

Through your post, I think you are still hoping your child is some genius and hoping for him to turn out to be something like temple grandin?
You seriously need to wake up your idea and stop putting so much pressure on your kid and hoping him to be someone big when you dont even know where his potential is.

Like I say, life is about priorities and choices. You have made your life the way it is today. Sad, hectic, stressful and miserable. I do not empathize you like the way other kind mummies do here. There are many many people worse off than you. And you, being a capable mother, choose to whine instead of doing constructive things for your son and hubby.

Stop saying you never study enough, not enough money, stupid, cannot read. You had an iphone, really poor people doesnt own iphones, really busy folks doesn't watch korean dramas like the \"bread something\" that you hope your boy to become.. and you seemed to be constantly posting on the forum and you say you have no time?

[mashy]

nugget:

Lavendery,


Thanks for sharing your experience. You are one strong woman. I respect you for that. Its really not easy being a single mum, moreoever, single mum of a special needs child.

Helplessmum,

I feel that life is about choices and priorities. You can make yourself feel good or you can choose to whine, blame everyone, play victim and make yourself miserable.

What I am going to write is harsh here, you can don't read what I have to say. If you think I am very disrespectful then I am sorry you feel that way. I only respect mothers who help and respect themselves.

Your hubby went into depression and you sharing here with us is not going to help. You either get him help, make him wake up his idea, leave him, threaten him, get his family/good friends to talk to him. However, you choose not to do anything about it. And say in his current state, you cant ask him to do housework?!?? All I can say is you brought this upon yourself.
You have a choice. You have chosen to let him be the way he is... Being a spouse is to encourage each other, help out each other, being there for each other. You are just letting him be what he is.. then whine to us instead of doing something to let him snap out of it.

Next, you say your are financially tight. There are ways to work around the system. You can appeal to your MP, you can quit your job and do part time so your income will be lower then you get more subsidy and more time for your boy or you can ask your hb to work part time. He is anything better than sitting at home. Again, you just whine, saying govt not giving enough grant, everything so ex, subsidized therapy at HPB sucks.. you rather not go cos it takes so much of your time, leave and effort and you dun see results. The way I read your post is that its causing more inconvenience to you than the benefit it brings to your son. Therapy is not a one time session that allows you to see results immediately.
I see that you want something that is cheap, effective, near your place, at your convenience without sweating it out... sorry, there is no such things in the world. If there is, I also want. Therefore, again, this is a choice, you chosen not to take up the therapy at HPB, then whine again say govt service sucks, not helping you.

Lastly, I feel you care about yourself more than your son. I feel that you are a very very self centered person. You always say Why god give you this son, why he is ASD, why he is this and why he is that.
Do you try to think from his perspective? Is he happy? When he is happy, aren't you contented? All of us mummies here want our ASD kids to be safe, happy and independent. Your priority is for him to become some ideal son you always dream of and not accepting who he is.

Through your post, I think you are still hoping your child is some genius and hoping for him to turn out to be something like temple grandin?
You seriously need to wake up your idea and stop putting so much pressure on your kid and hoping him to be someone big when you dont even know where his potential is.

Like I say, life is about priorities and choices. You have made your life the way it is today. Sad, hectic, stressful and miserable. I do not empathize you like the way other kind mummies do here. There are many many people worse off than you. And you, being a capable mother, choose to whine instead of doing constructive things for your son and hubby.

Stop saying you never study enough, not enough money, stupid, cannot read. You had an iphone, really poor people doesnt own iphones, really busy folks doesn't watch korean dramas like the \"bread something\" that you hope your boy to become.. and you seemed to be constantly posting on the forum and you say you have no time?

*applause*