When to let your child be independent?

[laughingcat]

Depend very much on the maturity of your child. You can start off by telling the child the importance of being independent. Cite example. Show to your child. Contantly telling the child the importance of being independent.


DS1 is mature in EQ as compared to his cousins as of his age. At 4yrs and 6 mths old, we get him to buy McDonald dinner for the family. Walking distance from home to McDonald is about 10mins walk. We hide from behind to make sure that he is safe.

However when come to sleeping alone. DS1 will from time to time cry for company. :oops:

[davidchatman]

When you feel that he/she has matured and have their own view on all sort of things you can let them independent.

[nightlone]

At any time really… As long as he can do it, then just let him do it. Don’t bother too much about if he’s doing it right or wrong or messiness…

[33mama]

I had the same burning question as flyfree… a bit more specific though… When do you start letting the child take public bus to and from school? Have own house keys, come back alone at home?

[nightlone]

i think it’s ok from primary one. But i feel that it depends on how the child was brought up. if he was not taught to look after himself, then it’ll be tricky. For me, I just started work and he’s 5. I trained him to turn on the light and fan in the room. Take out his math to do. Ask for help from his cousin or grandma, when he needs it. I don’t want him to be reliant on his grandma.

But I was lucky to be with him when he was young, so in that time, i taught him to be independent as well. Like go to the toilet by himself. Tell the time on the watch. Take snacks from the counter or the fridge. play by himself. Put dirty laundry in the basket. Put the shoes in the corner. Button/Unbutton his pyjamas. i always tell him though to ask an adult when he needs help. So i think it’s not a foreign concept when i told him that I’ll be going to work and so he needs to learn to do some stuff on his own.
I intend to take the bus with him to school or walk if it’s nearby for a couple of weeks. Then wait in the distance to watch him (walk). Or wait at the bus stop to meet him. Progressing to him going home by himself. Just take baby steps.
Set an expectation. For example, he should be home at a certain time.
Also tell him that trust must be earned.
For example, once he asked to play at the playground before going to a lesson. He promised that he would concentrate and won’t be tired in class. So i said ok, but if you cannot do it, then i cannot allow it anymore.
Sure enough, he was tired and couldn’t concentrate.
I didn’t say anything. Didn’t scold him.
The next time, he asked again.
I told him that I’m sorry but remember the last time?
Then he understood and didn’t try to ask again.

[Neosan60]

around 10 years old i allowed my DS to go downstairs to buy food, actually main concern is road safety. and always let them bring their hp down with them so we can contact and know where they are.

[janet88]

My son can buy food from downstairs like chicken rice. Not totally independent. In fact I dare not let him walk to school though it’s 5 min walk…the drivers in the morn drive quite fast along the small roads leading to school. Dare not take the risk. Some are like half asleep…scary.

As for house keys, no way.

Next year he will be going to sec 1. I am worried about road safety. If he comes home by himself, it will take time changing buses…again depend on which school.

[Coolkidsrock2]

What about making instand noodles or frying an egg? What will be an appropriate age? Thus far, the kitchen is still out of bounds for the kids except to put the dishes in the sink after a meal. Part of the reason is also because my kitchen is very small so they cannot be there during cooking time.

[33mama]

Coolkidsrock2:

What about making instand noodles or frying an egg? What will be an appropriate age? Thus far, the kitchen is still out of bounds for the kids except to put the dishes in the sink after a meal. Part of the reason is also because my kitchen is very small so they cannot be there during cooking time.

i started them at 11yrs old.. actually cooking depends mostly on their height. If they are not too short and can see the food cooking in the wok or pan without a stool then ok. teach them the safety aspect too.

[janet88]

I am still looking for a nonstick pan…not too big or small. Actually my son can use Air fryer which is safer to make fries. With non stick pan, he cannot scratch the Teflon surface. I am particular about my pans.