Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[cluelessmom]

Tks insider for sharing ur findings with us…

[ooptimizer]

Yes, thank you for sharing your findings with us.

[rains]

Some of you have mentioned that cost in divorce can rocket if the other party contests. A lawyer I approached told me that before this happens, the judge will ask the lawyers to leave and talk to the couple in isolation. The judge will advise the couple not to contest and benefit the lawyers. Instead, put the money to the kids’ education fund.


A non-contested divorce is about $3k.

There are about 5 grounds for divorce:
1) adultery
2) unreasonable behaviour
3) desertion
4) separation for 3 years (afterwhich both agree to a divorce)
5) separation for 4 years (if after 3 yrs, one party does not agree)

Most people file divorce under ‘unreasonable behaviour’ as it’s the ‘easiest’ way to go, although you need to let the lawyer know exactly how ‘unreasonable’ the spouse is eg. excessive gambling, abusive, financially irresponsible. If the spouse is unfaithful but you don’t have evidence, it can be filed under the same ground, but categorised under ‘inappropriate association with other women (men)’.

If non-contested, 6 months will do.

Try not to go for separation. It’s a waste of the woman’s time.

[rains]

Windy:

Today, both of us took out the 60cm by 60cm wedding photo with frame which was taken 12 yrs ago. It was so big, the biggest photo which I had in my life. My ex help me to take it out from the frame. I cut it into smaller pieces and threw it into the dustbin. Feelings flow in, kept for 12yrs, destroyed by 12 sec.


Heard a story from a friend, an old lady brought a very old, yellowish torn wedding photo to him and asked him if he can give this photo a life again, he did it and passed it back to her, she was delighted.

Marriage? Love? Suddenly these 2 words sound very strange to me.

I wonder how u gals handle the wedding's photo if marriage doesn't work?

Anyone want to share?

Hi Windy,

I once read this 'The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference'.

And I believe that if you're dead towards the man, you would be indifferent to him. My wedding album is at my parents' place. Where it is exactly, I don't know. I don't look at it anymore. It doesn't occur to me to browse through it again. At best, if I chance upon them, I'll treat it as my makeover album. After all, I looked so much younger and prettier in there. I feel that any action that I take against the pictures or anything he ever gave me only suggests that I have not got over that b*stard. I just keep them all in one drawer and literally forget about them. I have many better things to do.

At my most cynical, like you, 'marriage' and 'love' sounded, and sometimes still sound, strange to me. To me, I feel that these two don't exist. They are just words invented by men to deceive women into having sex. Don't place them on a pedestal. They are just words at best.

[Windy]

From Aug 09 till Feb 10, waited 6 mths,both of us had signed, cost yet to know. Straight forward case, no contest & no need to go to court, agreed by both parties based on unacceptable behaviour. Joint custody, cares to me only, which means the children will follow me. Feel release after the 6 mths wait, but still learning how to be single mom, new chapter in life. A life without a man love but to shower love to my two little young man.

Loneliness unavoidable, bec u can’t share ur feeling & views with the young children, they won’t understand what u are talking about. So, I had become more quiet and spend alot of times infront of the PC, typing more than talking. But one thing I felt different is that, there in no more worry for me to think about is he with the PRC or what he is doing in the pub everynight until the next morning, bec he is no longer my man. I look much better now after working for one year and got a stable job.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MEMBERS!

[buds]

You are a very strong woman, Windy.

Going through a divorce is never easy.
It's great to hear from you again and
this time less worry and strain from da
sound of your posting.. and looking good
is definitely the first step to feeling good..
To heck with the Tiger (promiscuous men)
and to a new Tigress you. Grrrr... (growl).

I hope you and your boys are well. :hugs:

Remember, Windy... buds is just a PM away.
Your shoulder to cry on... or just a listening ear.

You take care now dear.. My heart is with you. :love:

[sonic]

Hi all,


I know thread is almost a year old but take heart that many out there have gone through this and survived. I know, I went through the same situation in 2002 and though have not in my own opinion gotten rid of ALL the baggge a divorce brings, have moved on.

I went through a separation with the ex, lost my father during the long drawn process which went beyond 3 years, met my husband during this period and now am remarried with a 14 mth old. We finally wrapped up the matrimonial homes issues from the divorce this month and though the future is a little unknown as I will have to move to MIL’s home in 3 weeks, I just feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Yes, I may have been a ‘tai tai’ if I had stayed on in marriage 1 and not worry about struggling financially like I am now but I have a new life with my hubby and baby. He is a doting hands on dad who helps me along the parenting journey.

I still carry the scars from the past but without family and friends who stood by me, I would not have gotten so far on. Talk it out, cry it out, live life - it does help. Take care now!

[buds]

Good to know you're in good hands and having a second chance at life ahead.

There may not be that many who have similar opportunities. So, you're blessed.
May this second life bring you more happiness than ever before. :hugs:

Scars are proof of all the battles won. And personally, i find scars are sexy and
it denotes experience in a person. Moving in with your new MIL is another big
step for you as well.. I wish you well and only the best that life can offer.

Welcome to our humble abode. (forum)

[rains]

Windy:

Feel release after the 6 mths wait, but still learning how to be single mom, new chapter in life. A life without a man love but to shower love to my two little young man.

Loneliness unavoidable, bec u can't share ur feeling & views with the young children, they won't understand what u are talking about. So, I had become more quiet and spend alot of times infront of the PC, typing more than talking. But one thing I felt different is that, there in no more worry for me to think about is he with the PRC or what he is doing in the pub everynight until the next morning, bec he is no longer my man. I look much better now after working for one year and got a stable job.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MEMBERS!

Hiya,
I spent 3 years totally without a man looking after my kid after my divorce. 3 years of not stepping into a cinema too!

I didn't become quiet then becos I felt compelled to be chatty with my kid who was a toddler. She took up alot of my time and my thoughts. I spent whatever time I could with her. And becos there wasn't a man around, I could spend every minute of my life with her apart from working.

The kids may not understand you but our needs as an adult should take a backseat now, now that we are mothers. Focus on your kids and you'll feel that your life is a fulfilled one, not a void one. I felt lonely from time to time, but I told myself that what I did was for the best of my kid, and loneliness is part of the package. But loneliness is better than putting up with the b*stard's behaviour and holding onto an empty marriage.

[fussyMummy]

rains:

Hiya,
I spent 3 years totally without a man looking after my kid after my divorce. 3 years of not stepping into a cinema too!

I didn't become quiet then becos I felt compelled to be chatty with my kid who was a toddler. She took up alot of my time and my thoughts. I spent whatever time I could with her. And becos there wasn't a man around, I could spend every minute of my life with her apart from working.

The kids may not understand you but our needs as an adult should take a backseat now, now that we are mothers. Focus on your kids and you'll feel that your life is a fulfilled one, not a void one. I felt lonely from time to time, but I told myself that what I did was for the best of my kid, and loneliness is part of the package. But loneliness is better than putting up with the b*stard's behaviour and holding onto an empty marriage.

Hi rains,

Keep it up...

Yes, we are mothers, that is why focus on our kids.

I divorced since year 2005... Agreed that loneliness is better than putting up with those behaviour and upset over it....

I started to study a Advance Diploma course since mid of year 2008, initailly is because wanted to get the higher pay job. I nearly give up as felt not enough time for everything...

I have no helper, no other family memeber to support me, pack with work, household, kids and those assessement everyday, no time to think for other things.... Luckily I passed all the papers (I am self-study) and unfortunately my boss said he can promote me only after I get my degrees cert, was upset over it this few days. I am still consider should I continue to further study or spend more times on kids and rest for time being (I been wake up at mid-night for study)...


I felt that I made a good decision (mean I decided to divorce) as my ex still never quit his gamble habbit. From what I know, has some loanshark \"paint\" his gate / door recently ... I used to cry, almost everyday on past marriage life, and of course during the divorce period...

Along the time, among colleageues, there are some bragging to me how good is thier hubby..how rich is their hubby, what gift their hubby gave.. :stupid: or some of friends scare I \"steal\" their hubby and stay away from me...and blah blah blah... Hurt, pain, angry, upset, look down by others, miserable feeling ...If I want to share those experince I went throught this few years, I dont know how many pages I need to type over here., Just then, keep move on... We no need any pitiful from others but is RESPECT...

The only guilty I feel is to my kids, as most of the time I dont have much time for my kids but always rush them to do this to that, and forced them to help on some household too. They dont have branded stuff and only received their gift on special day (birthday or chirstmas or with good result)..That day only my DD told me that she is luckier than her classmate, as she no need to attend any tuition class.. haha.. In fact is I dont have time or extra $$ for that... :oops:

Keep Move on.. for kids sake and for ownself....