From Aug 09 till Feb 10, waited 6 mths,both of us had signed, cost yet to know. Straight forward case, no contest & no need to go to court, agreed by both parties based on unacceptable behaviour. Joint custody, cares to me only, which means the children will follow me. Feel release after the 6 mths wait, but still learning how to be single mom, new chapter in life. A life without a man love but to shower love to my two little young man.

Loneliness unavoidable, bec u can’t share ur feeling & views with the young children, they won’t understand what u are talking about. So, I had become more quiet and spend alot of times infront of the PC, typing more than talking. But one thing I felt different is that, there in no more worry for me to think about is he with the PRC or what he is doing in the pub everynight until the next morning, bec he is no longer my man. I look much better now after working for one year and got a stable job.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MEMBERS!

Today, both of us took out the 60cm by 60cm wedding photo with frame which was taken 12 yrs ago. It was so big, the biggest photo which I had in my life. My ex help me to take it out from the frame. I cut it into smaller pieces and threw it into the dustbin. Feelings flow in, kept for 12yrs, destroyed by 12 sec.


Heard a story from a friend, an old lady brought a very old, yellowish torn wedding photo to him and asked him if he can give this photo a life again, he did it and passed it back to her, she was delighted.

Marriage? Love? Suddenly these 2 words sound very strange to me.

I wonder how u gals handle the wedding’s photo if marriage doesn’t work?

Anyone want to share?

Thanks Chief!


\"Also need to thank my hb giving me this chance to force myself to build up my strength day by day in life.\"

Finally 1972, I understand how you feel bec my case is similar to yours. I can forgive my husband for his passed affairs but I can't stand his drinking behaviour.

Frankly speaking, I also not sure of my future financial situation as I am a contract staff for 2 yrs, so financially is uncertain but I don't want to think too far.

If you hv evidence of hb's affair, you will win almost 80% and get the child custody. You must able to proof to the judge why your husband is not in the right behaviour to take care of your children, must be concrete evident. Be smart and gather as much evidence as you can. You can also talk to your husband to the agreement for an amicable D, so that he won't contest, if he contest, the lawyer fees may go up to $10K.

However, sometime their behavioural changes is due to remorseful for what they had done to the wife, it might be short term. If possible, try to talk to him as much as you can to make him change. I had tried talking to my hb since last Sept but only found out his affair this year Aug. Had done my best but he still prefer the freedom life style. He so call want to exchage his freedom by giving up on me. I collected alots of evidence and my hb will not contest, he don't have ground to contest, so my case is 99% win. I dare to go ahead bec of mutaul agreement and I will be given house, custody of both my children and maintainent. Even till now, I will still hope he willing to salvage the marriage by changing but he refused.

Use some talking skill to persuade him to give you the house so that you and your children will have shelter. Remember don't fight, sweet talk, you must do that for the moment. If he really serious to marry the woman outside, the children might be a burden to him, alert him with this facts. If he refuse, need to sell the house and divide 50%, if you can, buy over the house by topping up his share by CPF, is more advantage to you.

I do not know since when your marriage light turn red, if it is recently, give yourself at 6 mths period for both of them to cool down and think twice, because of the children. Sometime, it might work.

We are always with you, holding each other hands going thru the difficult time of our fail marriage.

Get very stress during my children exam period. Today read about a P5, 11 yrs old boy jumped down from his flat after the oral exam. I am so worried for my P3 son. He seems to be something wrong somewhere but I don’t know what’s wrong. He is in P3, he scored 78 for science and 84 for maths in his mock exam and his teacher emailed to me and said that he don’t seems to be doing well in his exam and he is not motivated to work hard. When I checked with him, he know the ans but he just don’t feel like doing his best and some ans are blank. He is in the top class in school so they are being push very hard to score band 1 or 2. I am so worried that he was being stress and do not know he can cope with it. I rather have a stupid child than loss my child.

Thanks buds. This is the best forum and supports for me. You really put in so much effort to give us all the helplines :salute: Here, I can feel the warmth, sincerity, encouragement just by reading the replies.


I had ever seen someone writting abt her hb affair in the sg forum, and sad to said, she never gets any support and instead she gets alots of cruel replies from the PRC in sg forum.

As I think, this Kiasu Parents forum as it is named attract people who really want to be a good parent and not PRC who want to come here and distory people family, or criticise us that our hb left bec we are the one who should be blamed. (by the way this PRC is 20yrs younger than me, not fair to compare).

In short, members of kiasu Parents are all positive, knowledgeable, sensible, sympatheticm,mindful in characters. Cheers!

I would want to share my true feeling throughout the whole \"D\" process with you gals, so that you will have an idea how is it like. Now, is in the stage of waiting for my lawyer to prepare the script, then my hb will sign it when it is done, it will take about 3 mths to be ready but court oder will take another 3 mths. Alots of paper work and money need to be spend, about 4K, not finalise yet. (Sorry my English also so so only, but with all the understanding people around, I will still write)

Hi leesf, for your case, divorce is not solution. Maybe you should find a full time job and start to groom yourself so hb will be surprised by your changes. 3 yrs ago, I left my job which I had worked for 8 yrs to be stay at home mom to look after my children, that was the year which my hb started to chg and take me for granted. They always think that we housewife is \"黄脸婆”which means aunti. I rejoined workforce and started to dress up but of course can't change his clubbing habit and I chose to \"D\". However, I look better now because got money to dress up, so hb said I look beautiful but also cannot chg him. He die die want to contiune his night life. No choice. But almost every two week I need to wept once after I had file my D. First, I started to feel lonely, then,I worried for my future and my children future, then, my son's teacher emailed to me and said that my son cannot concentrate in his study and did badly in his mock exam. Every week there is something up there to worry you, do not know when will it stop. So no joke to D. I D because my hb had spent alot of money to maintain his life style and keep saying not enough money to spend, and he was unhappy about the monthly expense that he need to pay for the family. He can pay $100 to the PRC instead of giving $10 to the children. Worry he spend until bankruptcy and I need to cover for him.


If I am in your case, I will change myself first and see any improvement. Also tried to communicate to him, unless he got an internet gf and he don't love you anymore, if not, do not run into Divorce if possible.

I will pray for you and wish to thank all who had shared as now I know I am not alone. I had problem communicating to my friend who know about my situation, they just felt that I am odd to them because they had a happy family. So now also not many friends. Mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and socially affected after D. Please think twice!

Now, I am in the end of the world stage, very hurt and keep reminding myself to be strong! :stupid:

VVJJ, I had heard alot of people said that they suffered when they just divorce and it will take them 2 to 3 yrs to recover and lead a better life. I found myself in this early stage and suffer mentally. Especially when I saw a happy family, spouse holding hand, talking to each other. Those happy moment will appear in my mind and all gone now. May I know how do you walk out of saddness?

Mamamal, be strong. My situation is worst. If u have read about my case in Aug, last Wed the PRC came to my place again, my hb was to be blamed bec last Aug he bought her back and want me to help him to get rid of her and he promised not to meet her again. However, he still meet up with her to hv dinner and drink. They quarrel after the drink and the PRC want to come to my place and meet me again.Don't understand why they want to meet and when things turn sour, they turn to me. She came and this time I fought with her. So bad that she run to my house and knock vry hard at my door to wake up my children, that was 3am. Luckily, with help of God, my children never wake up and my maid did hear but never open the door or response to the knock but told me the next day. I had made a police report the next day worried she might do something to my children. Tell u the truth, no doubt I had done alots for my husband, taking care of the family, teach my children until he is in top class and had intimacy with my hb(no more already), he still not satisfied. In future, he will go around and tell everybody that I am the one who want to divorce and to be blamed for the broken marraige. My fren ask me to forget about him since he don't respect or love me anymore. Sad to said till today, my mouth said let go but my heart is still being carry away. We still sleep in the same room, but somtime he will sleep on the floor. At night, I can hear him calling the PRC name in his dream. Till now I still very loss when come to emotion. One lucky thing is that I have my children. Children, mummy love you and will be strong for you.

Thanks. Actually it had been half a year that me and my children been living a life where we are family but the dad only around during weekend (day only). My children noticed the changes about their dad but they just live their own life happily and don’t wish the dad come home. I had alway tell them to respect the father as he is the only father in their life and tell my husband to love the children because he is the only father to them. Well, me, we are stranger before we met, then fell in love, then married, then divorce, back to stranger again. I still love my husband is but couldn’t take his life style and he refused to change. Till now still fighting hard for my desicion as he always said that he will change but everynight I still don’t see him at home.


My mother in law is old and she stay with us, I don’t want her to worry about us too. In short, there is very young children and very old mother in law, all stay in one house. If I ask him to leave, means my mother in law need to leave too.

I had never think that I would able to meet another man in my life again and 2nd marriage is also sound scary to me now. But my husband might have chance to meet someone. If he found someone, he can go anytime.

I am very sorry that I cannot show my children a good marriage. I don’t want a broken marriage too, but I still need to move on.

Anyway, it doesn’t means that if you grow up from a happy family, your marriage life will be good.

I will win the case as I had 2 confession note for adultery signed by him. Everytime when I caught him red handed, I will forced him to sign confession note, so I caught him twice. A letter which he would agreed with divorce if he visit the KTV again. A voice tape recording when his china PRO came over to my house and pour out everything. A letter to stated that a certain amount that he had agreed to pay to me every month. He will agreed to pay me 45% of his salary, our house and the children custody and he will not contest. He don't favour divorce as it don't sound good but no choice if I insisted. Told him that he can revoke if he had change his life style, but he will not change, I know. He don't want me to know any new guy after divorce, but told him I can't promise. We will still stay togather for the children and will not tell them until they grow older. This is my plan. :roll: