Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[buds]

Windy:

I will win the case as I had 2 confession note for adultery signed by him. Everytime when I caught him red handed, I will forced him to sign confession note, so I caught him twice. A letter which he would agreed with divorce if he visit the KTV again. A voice tape recording when his china PRO came over to my house and pour out everything. A letter to stated that a certain amount that he had agreed to pay to me every month. He will agreed to pay me 45% of his salary, our house and the children custody and he will not contest. He don't favour divorce as it don't sound good but no choice if I insisted. Told him that he can revoke if he had change his life style, but he will not change, I know. He don't want me to know any new guy after divorce, but told him I can't promise. We will still stay togather for the children and will not tell them until they grow older. This is my plan. :roll:

Windy sweetie, i find that deep down inside you still care
for your husband. Most times sacrificing for the children
only works so much. But if your heart somehow still has
some feelings for him, that's when you will badger on..

Only YOU know what is best for you. I'm hoping that the
children are in no way exposed to what goes around in
the house between you two.. cos there are women who
are that tough. Displaying the strong armoured front &
always with a loving smile and affection for the children
that everything is going all right... but inside they are
actually torn, hurt, and dying.. But so long the family is
together, everyone's happy doing the usual routine stuff
as a family and the individual responsibilities that each
has to undertake as well... it should mean everything is
well.

Not everyone is tough enough to go through a divorce
which in most cases will be messy, prolonged and painful
to live through.

Since you chose this path, i am very sure there are already
the underlying reasons you chose it.. Windy... you will be
in my thoughts and my prayers. And with this choice you
have already made, try your best to live your life happy
in a manner you may find happiness.

Keep all the documentation safely and a copy with someone
you trust in case yours get lost, missing or burnt.. :roll: That
is your back up plan. That when you find you reach a dead end,
you should have some faith however with THAT all may not be lost..
Stay or go, you will need savings to trudge on life with your children.
My heart is with them too, and i hope they are well.. Seek solace in the
company of your children and be happy with them, so they will in turn
find happiness for you..... for now.

Stay safe. For yourself and for your children.
Am here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just let it all out.

Take care Windy.. :love:

[winth]

[winth]

buds:

Is it broken pieces ie.quarreling, no children maintenance,

EMA, (etc) .... within a family still bound together? Or is it
a family already separated by divorce?

Sorry about the confusion.

To me, it's quite clear that when a marriage is no longer bonded by the love, respect and responsibilities as husband and wife, it is already broken, regardless whether it is legally married or divorced.

For M&N's case, the parents were legally married, husband could still fight for children's custody etc.

[Emelyn]

insider:

This story that you read in newspaper is not uncommon with the latest one (happened only last week) I know happening to a friend’s friend’s husband who committed suicide, leaving behind wife, 4 kids + 1 still in the tummy…

Oh... this sounds like the same one I know....
It's my colliq's husband's niece's husband.
Oldest is P3.... I think.

[ChiefKiasu]

insider:

... I have been to many psychology courses coz I want to ascertain that I don’t bear any of my early childhood grudges in my subconscious unknowningly and maybe one day may explode to be a monster…

insider, I have a name for you. The Iron Lady. Just like Margaret Thatcher.

[buds]

insider:

Whether to divorce or not and whether to stay in a broken marriage or not as to what impact it would have on the children, really no one will really know as the child’s internal strength maybe there or not there to cope with the changes…

I understand this was taken from a temporary
post, but i just had to quote you on this note...
Do let me know if you're uncomfortable with it.
I will have this post deleted before you can say
uhhmmm... divorce.. ahakz! :lol:

I just agree with you on this, insider.
You couldn't have said this better.

[csc]

Insider,


Thanks for that sharing once again. Though we may not have the same values and beliefs, I must admit that I learnt lots from you. :salute:

[Ahmih]

buds:

Keep all the documentation safely and a copy with someone

you trust in case yours get lost, missing or burnt.. :roll: That
is your back up plan. That when you find you reach a dead end,
you should have some faith however with THAT all may not be lost..

Windy, on Buds' note regarding evidence, I'm sure your lawyer would have mentioned to you, you can keep them and they're only good for 2 years from the date you knew of them. Thereafter, they will not be a strong evidence for you to fight. Unspoken, but taken that you've 'forgiven' him on that.

Wow, Insider you certainly takes after your mom in terms of strength and wisdom. One really need to feel strongly towards a person in order to take all the 'sufferings and unfaithfulness' for most part of the marriage. And equally important that the man must have a sense of responsibility towards the family, otherwise this equation will not work too.

On that note, are we to say that modern women lacks the dexterity to hold onto their marriage? Is this how a marriage eventually become for some of us?

[Ahmih]

I think things gets a little muddy when the couples are not separated after those discoveries. That space is necessary, come to think of it.


When still under the same roof, every actions, words and unspoken stuff contributes to an already confused state of mind (for the women) and it really muddles feelings with reasons further. To leave or not became extremely difficult to conclude. And most times for some, it became a ‘swing’ decision, like my GF.

If I were to ‘isolate’ her now and ask her to decide, she said she would choose to divorce. But as she’s staying in the same room as her HB, his ‘gd behavor’ did sway her choice very much. But did not help with the distrust and insecurity that she felt. That’s why the conflict in her. Personally, she felt she can survive without the HB. Only holding back for her kids.

[Windy]

Thanks. Actually it had been half a year that me and my children been living a life where we are family but the dad only around during weekend (day only). My children noticed the changes about their dad but they just live their own life happily and don’t wish the dad come home. I had alway tell them to respect the father as he is the only father in their life and tell my husband to love the children because he is the only father to them. Well, me, we are stranger before we met, then fell in love, then married, then divorce, back to stranger again. I still love my husband is but couldn’t take his life style and he refused to change. Till now still fighting hard for my desicion as he always said that he will change but everynight I still don’t see him at home.


My mother in law is old and she stay with us, I don’t want her to worry about us too. In short, there is very young children and very old mother in law, all stay in one house. If I ask him to leave, means my mother in law need to leave too.

I had never think that I would able to meet another man in my life again and 2nd marriage is also sound scary to me now. But my husband might have chance to meet someone. If he found someone, he can go anytime.

I am very sorry that I cannot show my children a good marriage. I don’t want a broken marriage too, but I still need to move on.

Anyway, it doesn’t means that if you grow up from a happy family, your marriage life will be good.