Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[Emelyn]

insider:

This story that you read in newspaper is not uncommon with the latest one (happened only last week) I know happening to a friend’s friend’s husband who committed suicide, leaving behind wife, 4 kids + 1 still in the tummy…

Oh... this sounds like the same one I know....
It's my colliq's husband's niece's husband.
Oldest is P3.... I think.

[ChiefKiasu]

insider:

... I have been to many psychology courses coz I want to ascertain that I don’t bear any of my early childhood grudges in my subconscious unknowningly and maybe one day may explode to be a monster…

insider, I have a name for you. The Iron Lady. Just like Margaret Thatcher.

[buds]

insider:

Whether to divorce or not and whether to stay in a broken marriage or not as to what impact it would have on the children, really no one will really know as the child’s internal strength maybe there or not there to cope with the changes…

I understand this was taken from a temporary
post, but i just had to quote you on this note...
Do let me know if you're uncomfortable with it.
I will have this post deleted before you can say
uhhmmm... divorce.. ahakz! :lol:

I just agree with you on this, insider.
You couldn't have said this better.

[csc]

Insider,


Thanks for that sharing once again. Though we may not have the same values and beliefs, I must admit that I learnt lots from you. :salute:

[Ahmih]

buds:

Keep all the documentation safely and a copy with someone

you trust in case yours get lost, missing or burnt.. :roll: That
is your back up plan. That when you find you reach a dead end,
you should have some faith however with THAT all may not be lost..

Windy, on Buds' note regarding evidence, I'm sure your lawyer would have mentioned to you, you can keep them and they're only good for 2 years from the date you knew of them. Thereafter, they will not be a strong evidence for you to fight. Unspoken, but taken that you've 'forgiven' him on that.

Wow, Insider you certainly takes after your mom in terms of strength and wisdom. One really need to feel strongly towards a person in order to take all the 'sufferings and unfaithfulness' for most part of the marriage. And equally important that the man must have a sense of responsibility towards the family, otherwise this equation will not work too.

On that note, are we to say that modern women lacks the dexterity to hold onto their marriage? Is this how a marriage eventually become for some of us?

[Ahmih]

I think things gets a little muddy when the couples are not separated after those discoveries. That space is necessary, come to think of it.


When still under the same roof, every actions, words and unspoken stuff contributes to an already confused state of mind (for the women) and it really muddles feelings with reasons further. To leave or not became extremely difficult to conclude. And most times for some, it became a ‘swing’ decision, like my GF.

If I were to ‘isolate’ her now and ask her to decide, she said she would choose to divorce. But as she’s staying in the same room as her HB, his ‘gd behavor’ did sway her choice very much. But did not help with the distrust and insecurity that she felt. That’s why the conflict in her. Personally, she felt she can survive without the HB. Only holding back for her kids.

[Windy]

Thanks. Actually it had been half a year that me and my children been living a life where we are family but the dad only around during weekend (day only). My children noticed the changes about their dad but they just live their own life happily and don’t wish the dad come home. I had alway tell them to respect the father as he is the only father in their life and tell my husband to love the children because he is the only father to them. Well, me, we are stranger before we met, then fell in love, then married, then divorce, back to stranger again. I still love my husband is but couldn’t take his life style and he refused to change. Till now still fighting hard for my desicion as he always said that he will change but everynight I still don’t see him at home.


My mother in law is old and she stay with us, I don’t want her to worry about us too. In short, there is very young children and very old mother in law, all stay in one house. If I ask him to leave, means my mother in law need to leave too.

I had never think that I would able to meet another man in my life again and 2nd marriage is also sound scary to me now. But my husband might have chance to meet someone. If he found someone, he can go anytime.

I am very sorry that I cannot show my children a good marriage. I don’t want a broken marriage too, but I still need to move on.

Anyway, it doesn’t means that if you grow up from a happy family, your marriage life will be good.

[Ahmih]

Windy:

Thanks. Actually it had been half a year that me and my children been living a life where we are family but the dad only around during weekend (day only)... Till now still fighting hard for my desicion as he always said that he will change but everynight I still don't see him at home.

Windy, you're a strong and caring person, perhaps that's why you're still in the marriage. I think many women would have flee given how your HB is taking everything for granted. And if my GF reads your story, I'm sure she would feel that she should just hold on just yet, since her HB is at least in the house all nites.

Nonetheless, remember that paper cannot hold fire for long.
Are we just evading the real problem?

Sometimes, perhaps both you and my GF should be selfish and spare a thought for your own health and sanity. Cos no one will take care of that except youself and you need to have that to take care of your kids and others that you love. Spend some time with yourself to find out how you can love yourself all over again. Do not mull over your problems while you do that.

In order to love others, know how to love and take care of yourself. When you're loved, you're better able to take care of others and make the right choice.

加油！

[tankee]

Windy:

...I am very sorry that I cannot show my children a good marriage. I don't want a broken marriage too, but I still need to move on.

....

to me, you are showing your children that you did not just gave up when things went bad, but tried or even still trying to save the marriage.

but do know when to throw in the towel for your own sake.

[buds]

Good one here, tankee..

:celebrate: