Move in with MIL?

[jedamum]

You complain to dh about mil,what are his reactions?

You need to let mil know that you are only like renting from her rather than staying with her. It is difficult to move back out later if you choose to stay with her now. If you are renting out your flat, it makes sense that you pay market rate to your mil so that she will not consider you as a free loader.

[Coolkidsrock2]

jedamum:

You complain to dh about mil,what are his reactions?

You need to let mil know that you are only like renting from her rather than staying with her. It is difficult to move back out later if you choose to stay with her now. If you are renting out your flat, it makes sense that you pay market rate to your mil so that she will not consider you as a free loader.

Totally agree.

Sometimes it is also difficult even if you pay market rate. A boarder will still have to abide by the landlord's house rules.

[SAHM_TAN]

Did your mil suggest for the family to move into her house?

[Mawar]

You may gain time and convenience, but you will lose your own freedom. Running a nuclear family unit to staying in an extended family is totally new ball game. From the mistress and owner of your own abode, you will be reduced to a tenant under another’s roof.


So weigh your decision carefully. Especially when you already have misgivings about habits and mannerisms. Those two habits never change.

[straffan23]

I have seen very good MIL/DIL relationship… but it takes two of a kind to make this work. Without prejudice… I’d like to remind you that living together will intensify flaws in any relationship… regardless of whether you are paying full rent or just a free lodger. Instead of moving in altogether, maybe you could consider sleepover a few times a week for a start?

[mummychua]

actually we just helped her to pay off her hdb loan. plus we pay for her conservation fee and water electric bill every month. so far from being a free loader.

[quote]It is difficult to move back out later if you choose to stay with her now.[/quote]i tok about this too. that's why im in a dilemma. but in future, one day when she's so old that really need someone to stay with her, we will probably be the family she's staying with. coz she closer to dh than her younger son.
[quote]Did your mil suggest for the family to move into her house?[/quote]no she didn't. she wont dare to suggest for us to move to her place. she's very scare of her dear son, my dh. it's my dh that suggest this. that's obvious advantage for him/us moving back with his mother. but it's just a suggestion from him, he will still respect my decision.

[SAHM_TAN]

If your mil is afraid of your dh does that mean she has no say in the matter? Meaning if she prefers to stay alone, she will still accept the new arrangement. ? Just trying to understand the dynamics.

[mummychua]

i stayed with her for the 1st year of my marriage. i know how restricted i felt during that period. she always seems to be spying on us. it is especially uncomfortable for us when we are doing aham or when we are have argument.


but of course now we have a kid to keep her entertained, so maybe she wont be so bothered with us.

if we will to have another kid, the need for us to move near her will increase.

[mummychua]

SAHM_TAN:

If your mil is afraid of your dh does that mean she has no say in the matter? Meaning if she prefers to stay alone, she will still accept the new arrangement. ? Just trying to understand the dynamics.

she will love to have us back at her house. she lives alone, not much friends or relatives. so she can be quite bored at times.

[SAHM_TAN]

mummychua:

SAHM_TAN:

If your mil is afraid of your dh does that mean she has no say in the matter? Meaning if she prefers to stay alone, she will still accept the new arrangement. ? Just trying to understand the dynamics.

she will love to have us back at her house. she lives alone, not much friends or relatives. so she can be quite bored at times.

I see. Then the ball is in your court. Since you have lived with her for a year before, you will be able to gauge the situation.