Move in with MIL?
-
janet_lee88:
i clarify first hor..im not saying my wifey is tigressssss hor... :yikes: :scared:
:goodpost:chenwj:
What is your hubby's opinion? My mum and wifey hold different values in certain matters, and they have different ways to do house chores (i.e: one insists to hand wash socks, another insists socks can be washed by washing machine ). To be under the same household daily can be trying for the man if anything between the 2 woman escalates.
If I were you, I would sacrifice the convenience and keep the status quo.
Trivial issues can kill...it is not possible to have 2 tigresses in ONE household. To keep sanity, it's best to forgo convenience.
:siam:
LOL
u know..let me try an analogy: the different values between mum and wife are like the small cut on your skin. So they don't meet daily, don't stay together. The small cut heals after 4-5 days.
But staying together, meet daily.. it is like the small cut never get any chance to heal. it reopens daily until it gets an infection and u might see pus. Have to go hospital...etc...etc.. -
I have to give my hubby face…if I am fierce with his mother, he will be upset…so I keep quiet most of the time in his presence…even though his mother tests my patience. But my eldest SIL is different. She has authority. So I let her run the show. The old one is pissed bcos she is told what to do and tries to get sympathy. I don’t want to care bcos given a chance, the old one will stab my back…again.
-
chenwj:
i clarify first hor..im not saying my wifey is tigressssss hor... :yikes: :scared:
:goodpost:janet_lee88:
[quote=\"chenwj\"]What is your hubby's opinion? My mum and wifey hold different values in certain matters, and they have different ways to do house chores (i.e: one insists to hand wash socks, another insists socks can be washed by washing machine ). To be under the same household daily can be trying for the man if anything between the 2 woman escalates.
If I were you, I would sacrifice the convenience and keep the status quo.
Trivial issues can kill...it is not possible to have 2 tigresses in ONE household. To keep sanity, it's best to forgo convenience.
:siam:
LOL
u know..let me try an analogy: the different values between mum and wife are like the small cut on your skin. So they don't meet daily, don't stay together. The small cut heals after 4-5 days.
But staying together, meet daily.. it is like the small cut never get any chance to heal. it reopens daily until it gets an infection and u might see pus. Have to go hospital...etc...etc..[/quote] :goodpost: -
octoberbaby:
The house registered under whose name?
its registered under my MIL but my dh paid for it but its considered as mil place. for the year when im staying with her, i treat myself as guest. never intrude her kitchen, nv tried to rearrange, nv try to change the way she do things. always try to make myself invisible. only speak when needed. try not to stay at hm when dh is not at hm.
but she not happy with the way i treat her son. like i force my dh to wash plates, do simple household chores which he had nv done before marriage. -
chenwj:
dh will always stand on my side no matter what. but i try my best to avoid conflict with mil so not to put my hb in spot. if i got any problem with mil, i will get hb to talk to her. so he's become the bad guy, not me. of course mil will know that its my complain but cannot do anything to me. :evil:What is your hubby's opinion? My mum and wifey hold different values in certain matters, and they have different ways to do house chores (i.e: one insists to hand wash socks, another insists socks can be washed by washing machine ). To be under the same household daily can be trying for the man if anything between the 2 woman escalates.
If I were you, I would sacrifice the convenience and keep the status quo.
at the moment i try to maintain status quo, but dont know how long it can last... -
mummychua:
octoberbaby:
The house registered under whose name?
its registered under my MIL but my dh paid for it but its considered as mil place. for the year when im staying with her, i treat myself as guest. never intrude her kitchen, nv tried to rearrange, nv try to change the way she do things. always try to make myself invisible. only speak when needed. try not to stay at hm when dh is not at hm.
but she not happy with the way i treat her son. like i force my dh to wash plates, do simple household chores which he had nv done before marriage.
Hmm, this is difficult because you are consider as an outsider liao.
It is a domestic issue which can be solve by employing a maid. Re-arranging, touching her things will upset further MIL.
You hubby does simple household chores which he had never done befor marriage. This shows that he doesn't want to upset his mum, and he loves you. -
I would suggest that if that if there are other alternatives, try not to stay with in laws. It is never easy. I've been staying with my in laws since I got married 17 years ago and I'm amazed that I'm still sane :evil: Throughout these years, most quarrels I have had with my hb is abt his mum. He is the only son and is super fillial to his mum.
Sometimes when two women live under the same roof, a simple act of doing laundry or washing the dishes could trigger a war. Men cannot understand our feelings and will always ask the wife not to take issues with the elderly and so we can only feel frustrated.
Now after so many years I'm not on speaking terms with my MIL and sometimes I felt so sad and wonder if things would have been better if we had not stayed together in the first place. -
what is the trigger for staying with MIL?
Financial issue on buying own property? Can rent from HDB under fiance-fiancee scheme.
Buy own property then ask MIL to stay, story will be different. -
before marriage:
DH: I would like to stay with my parents
Me: No, if that’s the case, let’s not marry (I was dead serious, not a threat)
2 years into marriage (DS1 was taken care of by my mum):
DH: Shall we consider selling the house and live near our parents? If you consider the distance, we wake up at 645am, just to drive from our place to your mum’s, deposit baby, have breakfast there, walk 200m, take MRT to town to work and reach by 9am. Abit siao… If we buy a house near our parents (they both stay west), it solves our daily journey headache
Me: No, this distance is comfortable
* we continued such daily routine until my parents moved 3 years later, we took it and laughed at it now about the daily workout we did in our earlier years
10 years into marriage (I was less insistent and MIL got softer in her cold shoulder treatment):
Me: Where should we aim for our next house?
DH: Actually, let’s aim one near your mum (my parents moved to our area by then), I can’t imagine myself staying with my parents yet, maybe years down the road, when they need help, we’ll move back.
Me: Ok
Current situation - DH’s sis had her baby, and because SIL didn’t know how to hold an infant or take care of baby, MIL (which is DH’s mum) lived with them to take care of her daughter’s baby, lived there full time, at least for the first year of baby’s. Now, slightly more flexible, she can go back to her own house during the weekend.
MIL: you know ar, I cannot stand the way they do things. Dunno why must buy such pricey things. So many pairs of shoes are just left to stink, and they are so choosy on food, and on and on and on
*Her daughter was sandwiched between her own mum and her husband, gotta pacify her mum, bring her out go shopping, her DH chooses to stay out when wifey not in.
MIL will come back to her own house over the weekend to look after her husband and house, guess to take a breather and complain to us too…
That’s my story.
Moral of the story is, as much as you can, do not stay with parents. I even have conflicts with my own parents, i.e. child’s upbringing, no childhood. You can choose to stay near, seriously, very near. But living together is different. Yes, I agree with staying with aged parents, but judging from the level of energy MIL emits, it might take another 10 years. -
So true. I can’t imagine myself living with ny MIL too
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better đź’—
Register Login