Inheritance money

[kwcllf]

3Boys:

kwcllf:

Great to hear you have a great relationship with your wife and both of your are satisfied with whatever arrangements agreed upon.


But, there are many situations that created many different outcomes. Not many people have such an ideal situation (or close to ideal?) as you.

I agree.

So why the intense negativity towards the husband we know nothing about?

Similarly, why is there the intense negativity towards the wife??

Why the knee jerk 'Inheritance money should not be shared'?

[3Boys]

kwcllf:

3Boys:

[quote=\"kwcllf\"]Great to hear you have a great relationship with your wife and both of your are satisfied with whatever arrangements agreed upon.


But, there are many situations that created many different outcomes. Not many people have such an ideal situation (or close to ideal?) as you.

I agree.

So why the intense negativity towards the husband we know nothing about?

Similarly, why is there the intense negativity towards the wife??

Why the knee jerk 'Inheritance money should not be shared'?

[/quote]I have no negativity towards to wife, as I have repeated many many times in my posts, if you read.

I make absolutely no judgement as to the merits of either, I am merely playing up a plausible alternate scenario which has just been completely overlooked by you and others who are just stampeding to the defence of the OP without knowing anything about their situation, and in the process throwing all logic out the window.

My bugbear, as I have stated REPEATEDLY in my posts, is the assertion that inheritance money belongs to the beneficiary alone and that the spouse has NO MORAL right to it. Worse, it is one-sided, for apart from ammonite, none of the protagonists in this thread has stated that they would be comfortable/happy for their husbands to retain ALL proceeds (be it the asset itself or cash-flow from the assets) from an inheritance.

[JJ1111]

3Boys:

I've already stated very clearly that I don't split it down the line. And you concede that yes, you expect to share in some of the spoils of the inheritance, like some proceeds from the rental, right? So you agree the the benefits of the inheritance should not just be retained by the single beneficiary?

NOPE you are wrong!! I DON'T expect!!! You twist my word very bad of you. :spank:

So you are EXPECTING or FORCE your wife to share with you everything also 50%? You have said in your previous post that you don't right?

I feel the arguement here is whether a MUST to split 50% or not (physical split 50% to give him that $100K?). Not about willing to share.

[3Boys]

JJ1111:

But I believe truthly that if he rented that asset out, he will be much willing to share the rental income with me. As in buying me gift or give me money to spend. I wouldn't force him to LEGALLY add my name in.

I guess you think that doesn't count as an expectation?

And if he doesn't, will you be disappointed?

And if you are disappointed that someone does not deliver on something you truthfully believe he will be willing to do, how does that not count as an expectation? As not living up to your understanding of the right and correct thing to do?

Whatever...

[3Boys]

JJ1111:

I feel the arguement here is whether a MUST to split 50% or not (physical split 50% to give him that $100K?). Not about willing to share.

No it is not.

[3Boys]

I reproduce cherryqi's 2 posts here -->


\"I just hoping to hear your thoughts, am truly in dilemma as hubby is making a big fuss. I received a sum of inheritance about $200k after my dad passed away. My mom is still around and I think I am still accountable to support my mom. My hubby thinks that inheritance money 50% should be his right I told him its should belong to my mom since am accountable to take care of my mom.

Appreciate feedback.\"

\"Thanks for all the replies and it's feel good to know what am doing is right. Am keeping the money for my mom and remaining for my kids. Over this matter, the quarreled was so bad I brought the kids to stay over at my mom house for almost 3 months. He cut off my credit cards and allowance for kids. I learnt the hard way, woman must always keep money for herself no matter how good the man is.\"

In the initial 2 pages, there were some very balanced and level headed replies from tankee, CoolkidsRock2, xueyan and atrecord, and some that were just egging the OP on what I can only consider a disastrous path to marital discord with the hubby. Unfortunately cherryqi only picked up on the latter type of posts and disregarded the former.

She has drawn, in my view, the completely wrong lesson from this debacle. If she hardens her stance, what do you think her husband will do in return? So what, you all would put her down the path to a divorce on account of 200k? It would kill her to split her share and hand 50k to her husband, from whom she had been drawing her supp cards and expenditures over how many years?

I mean, who knows what goes on in that relationship? How long is 200k going to last?

[kwcllf]

3Boys:

I reproduce cherryqi's 2 posts here -->


\"I just hoping to hear your thoughts, am truly in dilemma as hubby is making a big fuss. I received a sum of inheritance about $200k after my dad passed away. My mom is still around and I think I am still accountable to support my mom. My hubby thinks that inheritance money 50% should be his right I told him its should belong to my mom since am accountable to take care of my mom.

Appreciate feedback.\"

\"Thanks for all the replies and it's feel good to know what am doing is right. Am keeping the money for my mom and remaining for my kids. Over this matter, the quarreled was so bad I brought the kids to stay over at my mom house for almost 3 months. He cut off my credit cards and allowance for kids. I learnt the hard way, woman must always keep money for herself no matter how good the man is.\"

In the initial 2 pages, there were some very balanced and level headed replies from tankee, CoolkidsRock2, xueyan and atrecord, and some that were just egging the OP on what I can only consider a disastrous path to marital discord with the hubby. Unfortunately cherryqi only picked up on the latter type of posts and disregarded the former.

She has drawn, in my view, the completely wrong lesson from this debacle. If she hardens her stance, what do you think her husband will do in return? So what, you all would put her down the path to a divorce on account of 200k? It would kill her to split her share and hand 50k to her husband, from whom she had been drawing her supp cards and expenditures over how many years?

I mean, who knows what goes on in that relationship? How long is 200k going to last?

You have been saying people, who do not share your point of view, do not have enough info to take a certain stance. It clearly seem that you are also culpable of doing the same.

You talked about the wife using the hubby's supplementary card for years. Do you have info to say that this is, or not, an agreement between them?

Maybe the wife is a full time housewife or part time employee and there is agreement for the hubby to provide financially while the wife takes care of the household and the kids (we do not really know). So, don't need to push your views onto others.

In your first post on this thread, you mentioned \"IMO\" - precisely it is only your opinion. Don't need to be so harsh of others that do not share your views.

[kwcllf]

3Boys:

kwcllf:

[quote=\"3Boys\"]

Why the knee jerk 'Inheritance money should not be shared'?

I have no negativity towards to wife, as I have repeated many many times in my posts, if you read.

I make absolutely no judgement as to the merits of either, I am merely playing up a plausible alternate scenario which has just been completely overlooked by you and others who are just stampeding to the defence of the OP without knowing anything about their situation, and in the process throwing all logic out the window.

My bugbear, as I have stated REPEATEDLY in my posts, is the assertion that inheritance money belongs to the beneficiary alone and that the spouse has NO MORAL right to it. Worse, it is one-sided, for apart from ammonite, none of the protagonists in this thread has stated that they would be comfortable/happy for their husbands to retain ALL proceeds (be it the asset itself or cash-flow from the assets) from an inheritance.[/quote]If you want an answer so badly, here is my answer. It will be nice if my spouse share any \"windfall\" for the benefit of the family. But I will not DEMAND be given half!

[cool_hi]

Just a bit curious…also about inheritance $…but different situation…


1 parent sold away some properties which was held on for past 20-30 years, which some were handed down from previous generation…some were bought with own hard-earned $…
their son+daughter-in-law, asked for half-a-million, to buy a pte property…
& the amount they demanding, is not the minimum 20% downpayment, but ard 37-40% of the purchase price…reason given is, they don’t want to take too much loan/drag too long to pay bank…
the amount is ard 80-90% of the inheritance $!!
& the crux is, he is not the only son…there are 3-4 more siblings…
& THEY never offer to pay back, just because the mum favours this son…
it was not formally made known to other children, & the mum never made them to promise to return the $, should she/the dad, ever need big sum of $ for medical puposes or whatsoever…
other kids were not too happy, not coz of the $, but more on unfairness…
Plus, there were no discussions on what that son+his wife is expected to do for parents, should they ever need the $ back…
Whichever child voiced up, purely in the angle of for the benefit of the parents’ welfare, was scolded viciously by the mum…saying things like it’s our money, we happy give who, we can just give…non of your business…daughters are married out, don’t need to poke their noses into their business…all sorts of awful accussations & words came out of the mother’s mouth, which she made the other children sounds so greedy, while irronically, it is this very son+his wife who are super-selfish, but the mother just does not see it coz she favours them so much!!

So who is right/wrong?
esp, when this mum actually had been making all kids to share to pay for her insurance, etc…
so when there is medical bills in future…it is most likely to be the same, she will expect all kids to share the cost…
& ironically, when the dad needed children to chip in & help pay bank back 10 years ago, to prevent bank from taking away some of the inheritance properties, this son & his wife were the only ones who gave lame excuses & never help with a single cent!!
& YET have the cheeks to ask for so much $ now!!
But such infillial acts were easily forgiven & forgotten, simply coz the mum favours him+his wife…

is this fair?? what should other children do to protect the parents’ welfare??
the parents are only in their 50s & 60s…not the super-old-age type…

[3Boys]

cool_hi:

Just a bit curious..also about inheritance $..but different situation..


1 parent sold away some properties which was held on for past 20-30 years, which some were handed down from previous generation..some were bought with own hard-earned $..
their son+daughter-in-law, asked for half-a-million, to buy a pte property..
& the amount they demanding, is not the minimum 20% downpayment, but ard 37-40% of the purchase price..reason given is, they don't want to take too much loan/drag too long to pay bank..
the amount is ard 80-90% of the inheritance $!!
& the crux is, he is not the only son..there are 3-4 more siblings..
& THEY never offer to pay back, just because the mum favours this son..
it was not formally made known to other children, & the mum never made them to promise to return the $, should she/the dad, ever need big sum of $ for medical puposes or whatsoever..
other kids were not too happy, not coz of the $, but more on unfairness..
Plus, there were no discussions on what that son+his wife is expected to do for parents, should they ever need the $ back..
Whichever child voiced up, purely in the angle of for the benefit of the parents' welfare, was scolded viciously by the mum..saying things like it's our money, we happy give who, we can just give..non of your business..daughters are married out, don't need to poke their noses into their business..all sorts of awful accussations & words came out of the mother's mouth, which she made the other children sounds so greedy, while irronically, it is this very son+his wife who are super-selfish, but the mother just does not see it coz she favours them so much!!

So who is right/wrong?
esp, when this mum actually had been making all kids to share to pay for her insurance, etc..
so when there is medical bills in future..it is most likely to be the same, she will expect all kids to share the cost..
& ironically, when the dad needed children to chip in & help pay bank back 10 years ago, to prevent bank from taking away some of the inheritance properties, this son & his wife were the only ones who gave lame excuses & never help with a single cent!!
& YET have the cheeks to ask for so much $ now!!
But such infillial acts were easily forgiven & forgotten, simply coz the mum favours him+his wife..

is this fair?? what should other children do to protect the parents' welfare??
the parents are only in their 50s & 60s..not the super-old-age type..

Well obviously, the way you put it across, you are fishing for the answer you want, yes?

First off, when it comes to inheritance/looking after old folks, I have yet to come across a situation where the parties involved feel like they have had a fair deal, and everyone has their own side of the story.

Next, if this mum favours a particular child, then its tough luck I suppose for the rest. It's her money, she can do as she pleases. If the other parties feel like there should not be contributions to costs due to unfair distribution, then they are entitled to make that point and withhold.

Moral of the story: Have no expectation of inheritance money and have every expectation of having to bear the burden of looking after parents. Once you get to that mode of thinking, nothing can upset you.

Not sure how an external party can give any kind of advice here honestly.