Concerned Grandparents?

[3Boys]

Ultimately, you are the responsible party for your child’s upbringing. The grandparents do need to let go, it isn’t really their business. However, it does not mean that one should close one’s ears to advice and alternate points of view. Perhaps you could consider having a good thorough (and unemotional) discussion on their desire for tuition? Be open minded, you might surprise yourself, and if it’s had a good airing perhaps it will draw the sting from their criticism at the very least?


But tell them to keep away from the discussion at dinner time in front of the kids, it can only harden positions.

[Nebbermind]

3Boys:

Ultimately, you are the responsible party for your child's upbringing. The grandparents do need to let go, it isn't really their business. However, it does not mean that one should close one's ears to advice and alternate points of view. Perhaps you could consider having a good thorough (and unemotional) discussion on their desire for tuition? Be open minded, you might surprise yourself, and if it's had a good airing perhaps it will draw the sting from their criticism at the very least?


But tell them to keep away from the discussion at dinner time in front of the kids, it can only harden positions.

Agree to the highlighted part. Perhaps granny felt that the child have some unearthed potential and is currently underperforming, or they didn't want you to leave it till too late if they sense that intervention is required.
Not sure how are your kids performing but, like 3boys said...keep an open mind about it.

[Imami]

Ha, mine is a total opposite. My fil insisted that enrichment classes would be a total waste of time. He felt that since HIS kids did not go for any, HIS grandkids need not too. In order to have more time with my son, he actually told me to drop my son's classes. :slapshead:


I feel like telling my fil sometimes, that my son is not a toy that I shd make available for him (fil) as and when he wants. He (my son) is a person in his own right and he should be given the chance to pursue his interest (ie enrichment classes) where possible.

We sometimes find the grandparents steping across the line and we don't like it. Do bear in mind that they have the best-est intention at heart, even though what they say sometimes don't make sense. For this reason, I haven't told my fil that my son is not a toy :rotflmao:

[Nebbermind]

Imami:

Ha, mine is a total opposite. My fil insisted that enrichment classes would be a total waste of time. He felt that since HIS kids did not go for any, HIS grandkids need not too. In order to have more time with my son, he actually told me to drop my son's classes. :slapshead:


I feel like telling my fil sometimes, that my son is not a toy that I shd make available for him (fil) as and when he wants. He (my son) is a person in his own right and he should be given the chance to pursue his interest (ie enrichment classes) where possible.

We sometimes find the grandparents steping across the line and we don't like it. Do bear in mind that they have the best-est intention at heart, even though what they say sometimes don't make sense. For this reason, I haven't told my fil that my son is not a toy :rotflmao:

yours not even in kindy yet, right?

[Imami]

Nebbermind:

Imami:

Ha, mine is a total opposite. My fil insisted that enrichment classes would be a total waste of time. He felt that since HIS kids did not go for any, HIS grandkids need not too. In order to have more time with my son, he actually told me to drop my son's classes. :slapshead:


I feel like telling my fil sometimes, that my son is not a toy that I shd make available for him (fil) as and when he wants. He (my son) is a person in his own right and he should be given the chance to pursue his interest (ie enrichment classes) where possible.

We sometimes find the grandparents steping across the line and we don't like it. Do bear in mind that they have the best-est intention at heart, even though what they say sometimes don't make sense. For this reason, I haven't told my fil that my son is not a toy :rotflmao:

yours not even in kindy yet, right?

Right. But er... So? :?

[Happy Parents]

Thank you all very much for your sharing. My wife and I are glad that we are not alone.


In fact, we have considered very carefully what our parents have "suggested" but if we decided in other ways, we did explain why we are doing what we are doing for our kids, but they just do not want to listen and insist their ways are correct.

In fact, during dinner gatherings, we would just smile and "one ear in one ear out". The only painful part is that our children are always talked about on the dinner table, even when the other cousins are around. It made us family looked like being clueless while others are all well ahead.

I guess at the end of the day, there are pros and cons in each method. However, it is us parents who will make the final call and not others, even grandparents.

So share and advise.

Thanks!

[Happy Parents]

Thank you all very much for your sharing. My wife and I are glad that we are not alone.


In fact, we have considered very carefully what our parents have "suggested" but if we decided in other ways, we did explain why we are doing what we are doing for our kids, but they just do not want to listen and insist their ways are correct.

In fact, during dinner gatherings, we would just smile and "one ear in one ear out". The only painful part is that our children are always talked about on the dinner table, even when the other cousins are around. It made us family looked like being clueless while others are all well ahead.

I guess at the end of the day, there are pros and cons in each method. However, it is us parents who will make the final call and not others, even grandparents.

So share and advise.

Thanks!

[3Boys]

Happy Parents:

In fact, during dinner gatherings, we would just smile and \"one ear in one ear out\". The only painful part is that our children are always talked about on the dinner table, even when the other cousins are around. It made us family looked like being clueless while others are all well ahead.

That's below the belt, downright manipulative behaviour. You might want to insist that this stop, not good for your kids or your authority.

[3Boys]

slmkhoo:

3Boys:

[quote=\"Happy Parents\"]

In fact, during dinner gatherings, we would just smile and \"one ear in one ear out\". The only painful part is that our children are always talked about on the dinner table, even when the other cousins are around. It made us family looked like being clueless while others are all well ahead.

That's below the belt, downright manipulative behaviour. You might want to insist that this stop, not good for your kids or your authority.

I agree. I told my father (the main culprit) that if he wished to discuss my children, we should do it when they are not present. I phrased it as 'for the kids' sake' as it's not good for their emotional well-being and self-esteem, and it undermines our family discipline. Thankfully he agreed though it doesn't stop him from complaining to me now and again. Actually, even that has stopped now, but he has hardly spoken to me for about 2 yrs now even though he talks to my kids on the phone weekly and we meet every week when we are in Singapore. If he had continued to criticise our kids and our family in front of the kids, my husband was ready for our family to walk out of family dinners, which would have made things even more uncomfortable. It seems ridiculous to me that how we choose to educate our kids should cause such a rift in a family, but it has. We still believe that parents need to make the final decision, not grandparents.[/quote]Yep. And you don't want your kids to be feeling inferior to their cousins. I did pretty well in school but my cousins were astronomically good and it was irritating to be compared all the time :mad: :mad:

[BlueBells]

I can be quite defiant, so I would tell them firmly \"let's not discuss school work at the dining table\". If they persisted, I would repeat again \"thought I said to drop it??\" I would do this to my parents, and my hubby would do this to his parents. And the offline, I would tell my parents off that I do not like them to interfere in the way we coach our children, if they can't give us our space, then expect to see us less, and I would be prepared to skip a few visits to drive home my point. Action speaks louder than words. :evil: