In-law problems?

[straffan23]

I don’t exactly look forward to CNY too. MIL is very lazy and super saver… she is widowed, her usual way used to be this: Goto big BIL house for reunion. They will prepare, cook, wash, clean. She eat and go (and considered done their obligatory visit to the husband’s relatives). First day of CNY goto her brother’s house - also just eat and go. Then drop by her MIL place. Considered all celebrations done.


For the recent few years, she hasn’t been invited - people assume, with her own family now bigger, got DIL, grandchildren, etc - she will HOST and prepare her own dinner. But she always shrugs it off "dunno. never done before. have to prepare???" So, no need reunion. Certainly if MIL and unmarried SIL cannot be bothered to lift a finger (or the cost of eating out), I do not care to organise anything for them, right? Especially so because they are very fussy, a lot of requirement and rubbish, and on top of that vegetarian.

So, first day of CNY everyone goes to that big BIL place; then goto her MIL place… must cover within 2hrs these 2 places incl travel time (because MIL and SIL cannot bear the father side of the relatives, and got nothing to talk about … and only wanna do obligatory minimum!!)… then goto her brother’s place for lunch eat and go. Done.

To me, their practice makes CNY such a bluff and meaningless routine. The force each other to pay obligatory visits to people they don’t like. And then they rudely do this "eat and go" thing… refusing to contribute anything claiming ignorrance…

[AdonciaTang]

When CNY is nearing, my SIL(DH’s bro’s wife) will also purposely do some stuffs to make herself look very filial. My BIL is really nice but everytime kena scolded by my SIL infront of everyone. How to tahan? My DH says if I do that to him, we wouldnt even have gotten married in the first place.

[janet88]

Same here…all those obligatory visits are so insincere.

What’s the point? CNY supposed to be happy.

We would have to visit paternal uncle’s place since young…some sort of meeting place. Even after I got married, after in-law’s place, still had to go to uncle’s place…my dad got fed up of this and said we all didn’t have to visit anymore, bcos he couldn’t stand the insincerity of his relatives…shiok !!!

So Day 1 late morning is to hubby’s side…his mother said she lost her wok and so cannot cook…she used to make vegetarian dish on the 1st day of CNY. But since she LOST her wok, order in KFC. After that, we can make our ‘escape’. My SIL and I usually reach around same time…then we give red packets, yak yak during lunch and say goodbye before hubby’s problematic brother and his wife comes.

[3Boys]

Aiyah ladies, a lot of things in life are obligatory on the account of relationships lar!


Did you really want to attend that handbells performance for the umpteenth time, or spend a precious weekend afternoon at a dreary K2 graduation performance? How about following your hubby to attend his idiot boss’s housewarming?

C’mon lah, once a year? Put on a smile and maybe you’d enjoy it more.

[mummy OnABudget]

is easier said then done in my case MY relatives are the one bothering me cny is not cny anymore is more like a SHOWOFF session on who changed a better car, who is earning more now and lastly SCHOOL RESULTS.

[3Boys]

If CNY is not about people gathering amongst relatives and sharing all that is going on, good or bad, then what is it about? Talk about politics and the weather?


Yeah, so they are proud of their kids, someone got a promotion, got a shiny new car he’s been saving for. If one can’t share that with relatives and not be looked upon with daggers, then what’s the use of having relatives. Why is it considered a showoff session? I remember when my mum’s side (7 siblings) would gather, they would be comparing notes constantly about their kids results/new house/new job/nice holidays, and be reveling in each others joys. That’s why I love CNY to this day! I mean, if one can open in their hearts to share in their brother’s/sister’s joys, then what’s there to be offended about?

Anyhow, just my take. Don’t think my CNY experience is very different from most people, I just take a different attitude to it.

[3Boys]

Funz:

Reading some of the posts here, I find it very sad. Instead of looking forward to CNY, it has become a chore. What should be a time for celebration and reunion has become one that people dread to the point that some are arming themselves with devices and telling their own children to arm themselves with such devises to survive the session. More and more I hear of people choosing to go overseas to escape the CNY traditions.


Wonder when our kids are grown with their own family, what CNY will be like? No more gatherings? Or even if there are, everyone is in the same room but in different worlds? This is getting me depressed.

Yeah, I find it sad too. I'm not a traditional guy by any means, but to this day I just luurrve Chinese New Year! All the yakking and noise and kids and gifting, still my favorite time of year. I hope by experiencing this my kids will have the same attitude come their time.

[Angelight]

Hi 3boys, rare to see you in this thread! I usually see you post in threads on national or social issues, not domestic affairs like in law problems…


Anyway, guys and women’s take on CNY, or in law problems, is very different. So you may not comprehend why many of us find CNY a chore or just meaningless gathering.

[janet88]

mummy OnABudget:

is easier said then done in my case MY relatives are the one bothering me cny is not cny anymore is more like a SHOWOFF session on who changed a better car, who is earning more now and lastly SCHOOL RESULTS.

if get togethers are purely sincere and not comparing, definitely those annual CNY visits would be FUN.

At my grandmother's place, mum's siblings will be joking with son like 'this year no donation card to fill up?'

[cherrygal]

Agree, men and women take things very differently. Many sons-in-law just drift in and out of family gatherings from a third-person perspective, while daughters-in-law take comments very personally.


I can only enjoy CNY at my mom’s place.