In-law problems?
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popireis:
:goodpost: yes, I agree with you fullyI totally agree with what most of you said about making the best of the situation and try not to instill negative thoughts etc. On the other hand, I also feel that forummers must also respect other's views and right to air their grouses and rants. This is a forum that is created to let forummers discuss and air their voices, which at times we may not be able to do so with friends & relatives. It is another way for forummers to release their tension and gain sanity. It is as good as when we \"chat\" with our colleagues about our bosses. Who will not talk about their bosses behind their backs, may I ask?
Of course I'm not saying it's right to do so. Hwr, most of the time after some ranting, it gives us the sanity to move forward. Or even allow us to think back and reflect. So I feel that for those who are lucky or brave enough to \"retaliate\", should not \"condemn\" the rest.
We often talk about school bullies and cyber bullies. Think about it, if the mistreating is done wilfully, isn't it also a form of bullying? Will we ask our kids to accept bullying as it is (if it's school bully), and even ask them not to think negatively jus go ahead and enjoy school? No, we will want them to talk about it, and from there gain some learning points and decide what to do from there. Will we ask our kids to get along with the bullies or try to reduce the chances of conflict?
In the same manner, when some avoid gatherings or find other forms of avoiding conflicts such as playing games, it is jus another way of reducing chances of conflicts. In another word, it is also trying to create \"harmony\". Who would want to witness or even be part of the conflicts during the festive seasons?
条条大路通罗马. There are many ways to reach a destination, no single method applies to everyone. As long as it fits the purpose, suits the person and done with good intentions, I don't see what's wrong. Gaming is another way to bond with the younger generation of cousins even if it does not suit the oldies!
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I personally don’t stay with my ILs but I have a friend who just moved in with the hubby’s family, she just gave birth to a baby boy. Her MIL and her are like water and fire man, she chooses to stay in her room the entire day and not allow MIL to touch the baby… she’s always scolding her about the way to bathe the baby, how to feed, did you give breastmilk etc… put it simply, control freak.
but i guess this kinda things take two hands to clap too, because of the tension between them, the hubby is always the one stuck in between hai -
If the relationship doesn’t start off on good note, a baby will make things worse. A first time mother, a newborn…totally green. There will be lots of stress when bb is hungry and new mother doesn’t have milk yet. The new mother not only on confinement but also confined herself and bb in the room all the time. What happened is the bb getting jaundice bcos there is no ventilation nor sun. The list goes on…
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agree wf u…i’ve had a terrible encounters dealing wf my MIL during my confinement.The stress of dealing wf newborn, recuperating urself after giving birth while dealing wf sensitive n petty MIL could drive u nuts.My MIL gave me a hard times during my confinement.When i was busy breastfeeding or attending my son n didn’t time to "entertain" her, she complained to my hb that i turned my face away n ignored her.
my MIL even worse. We don’t stay together.My hb oredi 43y.o.She still calls him at least once or twice per day. HB said if he is busy in job or driving n couldn’t pick up the phone,she’ll keep calling until he picks up. So inconsiderate isn’t it? is this called caring for his son?
Quarreled wf my hb many times bcoz of this.MIL has 2 sons,my hb is the youngest one.The elder son always busy wf work n doesn’t bother her,so she shifts her attn to my hb. -
one thing i learnt is if u don't like ur MIL,just ignore her rather than confronting or reasoning wf her.My MIL is those the more u try to reason wf her,the more she'll try to go \"against\" u.She has plenty of rules n regulations,for e.g. die die muz send her or her helper to market every Sunday morning!even sick also must send her!even got something urgent to do also must rush to send her there,she cannot take taxi!
During the times when we were still collecting dinner fr. her,she'll call my hb several times per day just to tell her what is for dinner.Imagine my hb has to deal wf this kinda nonsense during office hour! :mad:
now,we no longer taking dinner fr. her(anyway she is not the one who cooks).She still calls my hb n creates excuses to get him to see her.I wonder how long will this going to carry on...until my hb turns 60?? :?: -
And try to be independent, don’t rely on ur MIL. MIL always claims they wanna to involve coz they wanna help.Remember nothing comes free.My MIL used to say this:"i did so much for u,now u all treat me like this?"
Secondly,prob will come when ur child reaches the stage when they can talk.My MIL likes to find out lots of things abt us fr my son.My MIL is a loud speaker,once she knows something,the whole world will know:his SIL,brother,aunties…
Fed up,i took my son back fr her care since P1, and only allows my hb brings him back once per yr,that was during CNY. Told my hb there r many reasons,1st,i do not wanna our lives is boardcast by his MIL.2nd,MIL is a control freak,like to interfere everything fr. my son till my relationship wf my hb.3rd:to minimize any misunderstanding if my son says the wrong thing or she interprets it differently.
Told my hb that we r responsible for our son,not ur mum. I’ve done many silly things in the past to please or give way to her.Then,i realise she took it for granted n wanna control more!
anyway,my son nvr likes to go to ILs house n doesn’t like to talk to my MIL. -
vinegar:
Hubby has to deal with a father who calls continuously for money to buy beer :mad: :mad:Imagine my hb has to deal wf this kinda nonsense during office hour! :mad:
now,we no longer taking dinner fr. her(anyway she is not the one who cooks).She still calls my hb n creates excuses to get him to see her.I wonder how long will this going to carry on...until my hb turns 60?? :?:
Thank goodness that is HIS father. I do not call him during office hours unless it is absolutely necessary. This Sat have to put up with them again...reunion dinner. Get it done or else it will be bugging me. -
call ur hb to buy beer??yes,he's gone too far.so ur hb nid to buy for him after work??
my MIL even funny,asked my hb to buy \"ice\" for her,she sprained her arm or something,after seeing doc,still nid to apply ice to soothe the pain.Asked my hb why can't she make her own ice??????or get her helper to make...just put water into the container n put inside the fridge..my hb hasn't taken his dinner,hv to rush to buy one big pack of ice n passed to her.My hb has a busy working day,my son waited for him to teach him maths after his dinner.Bcoz of my MIL childish behaviour :slapshead: ,my hb came bk late,hv dinner late n no time to teach my son,coz he oredi slept,after my hb settled his dinner & shower.
yesterday,we were fined bcoz of her.We went to buy some lights & put half an hour coupon(thinking just grab n go),she called & called & called,hb don't choice picked up the call,oredi told her busy,she still talking!!! :mad: came out fr. the shop saw the little paper on the windscreen,oredi knew kena fine. -
His father asked him to transfer money to his account.
The children give sufficient money monthly for utilities and food. Yet this 2 spend money meant for food on cigarettes and beer. They are under-nourished. The children cannot say anything as parents are unwilling to listen. When hubby (the favourite son) advised his mother to cut down on smoking, she curtly told him this, ‘Might as well tell me to jump down’. -
MIL also called when we went to Australia!!my hb asked her not to call for nothing, she asked my hb,\"u wanna severe our relationship,isn't it?\" :slapshead:
last time,she always called me,nearly got into accident,coz i was driving when she called.And she won't stop calling until u pick up the phone!!
hb got VERY angry,told her to STOP calling me.Do we wanna do until this stage?Nobody wanna,but we've no choice.Told her nicely,she won't listen.I hv not visit/talk to her fr 2yrs.Told my hb i nvr enjoy talking to her,coz she VERY sarcastics!.All her words got hidden meaning.She likes to lecture ppl also.
She is rich,no frd,relatives all hypocrite,her elder son n SIL don't bother her.They also hv communication prob despite staying together.
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