In-law problems?
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That $8000 is not to get pple like you to change your minds. It is to help those who want kids. It is not to pay for your kids but to help ease some of the financial burden. And the total amount is more than $8000.
We get it, those who already have kids and do not want anymore will not be swayed by any amount given. Those who want the DINK lifestyle will not be swayed by this either. But there are those who want kids and this will help ease some financial burden.
Anyway :offtopic:
Back to tackling those irksome relatives who ask and ask. Me thinks no need to get upset or think up excuses. Just straight in their faces, our family, our decision, you plan and manage your own family, I plan and manage mine, ok.
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Back to main topic.
Having reunion dinner today… So sian…SIL ordered dinner. Also bought disposable plates/cutlery bcos nobody willing to wash. 根本就不团, eating this dinner defeats the real purpose…youngest BIL doesn’t want to see eldest bro and his wife dislikes my hubby for dumbest reason…long long story…purpose so fake. -
janet_lee88:
Back to main topic.
Having reunion dinner today... So sian...SIL ordered dinner. Also bought disposable plates/cutlery bcos nobody willing to wash. 根本就不团, eating this dinner defeats the real purpose...youngest BIL doesn't want to see eldest bro and his wife dislikes my hubby for dumbest reason....long long story...purpose so fake.
After days of spring cleaning, I am usually dead tired by the day/time we have our reunion dinner on the last night -- I'll welcome any form of method that will relieve me of one more chore. Dun forget, after everyone leaves, I still gonna clean, sweep & mop the house, so one chore less can only make me happier. :oops:
So honestly, I see nothing wrong in using disposables, we have been doing that for last 2 years. But if you are willing to wash ........
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Disposables are great !!!
The plates and cutlery in their place have not been used for long time…disposable ones are better. So sian having to put up with drama and cringe hearing the old one …can’t wait to eat and come home ASAP. -
Haiz, "arranging" for the dinner already caused much stress and discontent. In the past, MIL refused to compromise even when we have valid reasons. Thus, none of the DILs ever can go back to Mothers’ place for dinner on eve. These few years, one of the younger BIL came up with an ingenious method to appease his PIL (wife’s parents) by bringing BOTH his parents (my PIL) and his PIL (wife’s parents) for dinner at expensive restaurants every CNY eve.
Now, becos have expensive dinner, she will slot her own family’s reunion with her other sons at watever time slots she preferred. 3 sub-families have to accomodate to one BIL & wife.
This year, she suggested all the dates which we cannot (either other commitments or working). Ding dong ding dong, she even suggested weekday lunch (where everyone is working -_-"). Finally settled on one of the weekday evening for dinner, but its gonna be super rushed for everyone (working or studying).
Wun be surprised after that will hear her complain that no one help her blah blah blah. But we all working, can’t expect us to take leave jus for "reunion" dinner when she is the one that "reserved" the eve for own selfish reasons… -
FIL passed away just before CNY last year. So last year there was no reunion or celebrations for IL side.
And since FIL passed away, no one seem to bother about arranging for reunion and CNY visitations. I told DH to do the arrangements and since MIL finds it a hassle to eat out for reunion and she is now alone, DH and I will host the reunion dinner at our home. Some friends did ask why I bother to go through the trouble since MIL doesn’t seem to bother. Sometimes I wonder oso. I guess I really believe in the significance of reunion dinners and CNY tradition of visitations. -
Funz:
Soldier on Funz! Indeed, it IS about the traditions. At the very least, model a good and enjoyable time for your kids, so that they can bring it to the next generation. If all the kids remember are dreary, fractious get-togethers, what chance do they have of preserving the practice?FIL passed away just before CNY last year. So last year there was no reunion or celebrations for IL side.
And since FIL passed away, no one seem to bother about arranging for reunion and CNY visitations. I told DH to do the arrangements and since MIL finds it a hassle to eat out for reunion and she is now alone, DH and I will host the reunion dinner at our home. Some friends did ask why I bother to go through the trouble since MIL doesn't seem to bother. Sometimes I wonder oso. I guess I really believe in the significance of reunion dinners and CNY tradition of visitations. -
popireis:
Everyone faces this same problem of competing time for reunion dinners. A bit of give and take and generosity of spirit wouldn't hurt. Put yourself in her shoes, she IS trying to pull things together, juggling competing needs. It's not easy, would you prefer she just gave up?Haiz, \"arranging\" for the dinner already caused much stress and discontent. In the past, MIL refused to compromise even when we have valid reasons. Thus, none of the DILs ever can go back to Mothers' place for dinner on eve. These few years, one of the younger BIL came up with an ingenious method to appease his PIL (wife's parents) by bringing BOTH his parents (my PIL) and his PIL (wife's parents) for dinner at expensive restaurants every CNY eve.
Now, becos have expensive dinner, she will slot her own family's reunion with her other sons at watever time slots she preferred. 3 sub-families have to accomodate to one BIL & wife.
This year, she suggested all the dates which we cannot (either other commitments or working). Ding dong ding dong, she even suggested weekday lunch (where everyone is working -_-\"). Finally settled on one of the weekday evening for dinner, but its gonna be super rushed for everyone (working or studying).
Wun be surprised after that will hear her complain that no one help her blah blah blah. But we all working, can't expect us to take leave jus for \"reunion\" dinner when she is the one that \"reserved\" the eve for own selfish reasons... -
One reunion meal…yet time is so tight to accomodate everyone.
My SIL and I had difficulties arranging bcos of our kids having tests and tuition. It was like Sat/Sun morn/evening either my kids had tuition or night her daughter was not back from camp. She postponed daughter’s tuition and we settled the dinner last week…phew.
My mum usually arranges reunion to suit our timing…easier since it’s just my brother and my family. -
3Boys:
She IS the one who gave up (on the TRADITION of reunion on EVE where almost everyone had painstakingly adjusted the maternal families' timing and get used to the routine). Anyway she is NOT the one making the arrangement, my DH and another SIL were, and she WAS only making requests after requests. For the past few years, 3 families have to make sacrifices for 1 BIL's reunion with his FIL.
Everyone faces this same problem of competing time for reunion dinners. A bit of give and take and generosity of spirit wouldn't hurt. Put yourself in her shoes, she IS trying to pull things together, juggling competing needs. It's not easy, would you prefer she just gave up?popireis:
Haiz, \"arranging\" for the dinner already caused much stress and discontent. In the past, MIL refused to compromise even when we have valid reasons. Thus, none of the DILs ever can go back to Mothers' place for dinner on eve. These few years, one of the younger BIL came up with an ingenious method to appease his PIL (wife's parents) by bringing BOTH his parents (my PIL) and his PIL (wife's parents) for dinner at expensive restaurants every CNY eve.
Now, becos have expensive dinner, she will slot her own family's reunion with her other sons at watever time slots she preferred. 3 sub-families have to accomodate to one BIL & wife.
This year, she suggested all the dates which we cannot (either other commitments or working). Ding dong ding dong, she even suggested weekday lunch (where everyone is working -_-\"). Finally settled on one of the weekday evening for dinner, but its gonna be super rushed for everyone (working or studying).
Wun be surprised after that will hear her complain that no one help her blah blah blah. But we all working, can't expect us to take leave jus for \"reunion\" dinner when she is the one that \"reserved\" the eve for own selfish reasons...
Yes I agree abit of give and take should be exercised. In this case, 3 families always have to give in to 1 BIL, the 1 BIL has never consider the other families' difficulties... isn't that generous enough? I, for one, would really appreciate if for 1 year, just 1 year, the BIL can be generous enough to accomodate the other 3 families' timing...
It can be difficult for a third party to understand the feelings of the actual party concerned. It's always easy to dish out advices and lectures when you are not in their shoes. Not everyone is blessed with understanding families...
Well, anyway, like I previously said, no harm is meant in a little bit of lamenting. It actually help for us to lament, forgive, forget, and move on. Rather than to harbour the ill feelings for years to come
I know and appreciate your good intentions, and we all still have alot to learn and practice along the way
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