In-law problems?

[Imami]

Actually I have not done a lot (to better the relationship between my in laws and myself) so no need to think highly for me. I just hope a lot (that things would change) hahahah. My purpose of voicing out is to plant some hope in the dils who have problem with their mils that things may change. I just want to provide myself as an example that such things DO happen. If there is no such case, most people wont believe that things will change.


You have to believe that you (the dil) will change too. I have never thought I would fork out my own money to give my in laws ang bao (becos we practise “your parents you settle”) and that I would drive them to visit my bil (hubby’s younger bro). But I did all these.

When I gave my in laws the ang bao, I could always feel the guilt in my fil. I think he feels apologetic. The first year when I gave my mil the ang bao, she no feel. But subsequently. She always hold my hand and say thank you. This speaks a lot, as I always feel that she thinks her son deserves someone better.

don’t belittle such simple gestures (in law expressing simple appreciation), they don’t always come naturally.

Now getting ready to leave office. Got time then I share with you all my story with my in laws. But please, take it positively – things may change, for the better, one day.

[sleepy]

popireis:

My own mum is like a mouse infront of MIL, thus I oso got the most nonsense from her. She will \"complain\" about me to my mum, and say insulting words about my mum in front of me. yes, my mum may have her own nonsense but she's older than MIL and shouldn't MIL be showing some respect to my mum too?


2 other DILs' mums are either tigeress or highly educated so she dare not touch them.

Oh, I didn't realise parents in law will chit chat often :scratchhead:

My mum & MIL don't talk to each other le. Not that they're not on good terms, just don't have the habit to chit chat with each other on a social basis. When they do meet up (the last time was my bro's wedding few years ago) they would chat.

I noticed my mum doesn't talk over the phone to SIL's folks either. And I also notice my MIL doesn't chit chat with her other DIL's mum.

Basically no exchange of info :evil:

[sleepy]

Imami:

3 hours before I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my son, I was still scrubbing my in law’s toilet floor. I remembered my waist line (I just agar agar measure the widest part around my torso, since I was more like a globe than an hour glass) was 34”. To squat and scrub the floor was a terrible experience. In the end, I knelt down to scrub.

:yikes:
:salute: your tolerance.

I imagine myself in your shoes - if my MIL expects me to scrub her toilet, I think I will feel super 委屈. And if dh allows me to scrub, that probably would wipe out a lot of my affection for him.
I never once scrub toilet at my own parents' house. My mum would be so heartpained if I'm forced to scrub IL's.

And I imagine I would be super pissed if my daughters have to scrub toilets at their future ILs house and I would think they're being ill-treated by their ILs. My daughters are so precious to me so I expect their future spouse to take equally good care of them. If really have to scrub toilets, ask their own sons to scrub! Guess I will be a tigress MIL next time :evil:

[vinegar]

I imagine myself in your shoes - if my MIL expects me to scrub her toilet, I think I will feel super 委屈. And if dh allows me to scrub, that probably would wipe out a lot of my affection for him.


:hi5: share the same sentiments as u

[vinegar]

i delivered my son thru C-section.During confinement,after i bathed my son,MIL suggested that i shld lift up n pour the water into the toilet bowl,so don’t waste the water.

i did that…after sometx,could feel the pains of my wounds.

Now,i hv on & off backpains.Ppl always tell me due to poor confinement.Now I finally trust them.I

Now,think back,i feel myself soooo stupid…why nvr stand up for myself?

[Funz]

sleepy:

Imami:

3 hours before I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my son, I was still scrubbing my in law’s toilet floor. I remembered my waist line (I just agar agar measure the widest part around my torso, since I was more like a globe than an hour glass) was 34”. To squat and scrub the floor was a terrible experience. In the end, I knelt down to scrub.

:yikes:
:salute: your tolerance.

I imagine myself in your shoes - if my MIL expects me to scrub her toilet, I think I will feel super 委屈. And if dh allows me to scrub, that probably would wipe out a lot of my affection for him.
I never once scrub toilet at my own parents' house. My mum would be so heartpained if I'm forced to scrub IL's.

And I imagine I would be super pissed if my daughters have to scrub toilets at their future ILs house and I would think they're being ill-treated by their ILs. My daughters are so precious to me so I expect their future spouse to take equally good care of them. If really have to scrub toilets, ask their own sons to scrub! Guess I will be a tigress MIL next time :evil:

Yah boy. I dun even scrub my own toilets. No way am I going to scrub yours.

[Imami]

It’s still cny. Be positive. This year maybe better than before.

[KSmom8]

I had a difficult pregnancy. Doc recommended bed-rest. Once PILs came for dinner at our place. After dinner, I went to my room to rest. MIL came into my room and asked why didn’t I clean my floor properly as it was sticky. I was so shocked ( what did she expect me to clean the floor in my condition???) and could only reply that the part time helper could only come the next day.


Initial few years of marriage, I tried to be as good a DIL as I could. This meant we would meet PILs frequently. However, MIL always had comments on almost everything, and if I didn’t take her advice / "instruction", she would harp and harp on it. Until one day, she made a comment about DS1’s shoes and that he wasn’t walking cos I bought the wrong shoes. ( ahem, the shoes were very expensive and designed for babies to learn to walk in. The hard soled shoes were not meant for babies to learn to walk in. ) I was so mad that I refused to see her for a long period of time. I suppose that comment was the last straw.

Now, our relationship is cordial and I make sure I keep my distance. This way she does not feel at ease to give "instruction". DH remains just as sotong and of no help, so the only way to avoid conflict is to keep distance.

[vinegar]

KSmom8:

I had a difficult pregnancy. Doc recommended bed-rest. Once PILs came for dinner at our place. After dinner, I went to my room to rest. MIL came into my room and asked why didn't I clean my floor properly as it was sticky. I was so shocked ( what did she expect me to clean the floor in my condition???) and could only reply that the part time helper could only come the next day.


Initial few years of marriage, I tried to be as good a DIL as I could. This meant we would meet PILs frequently. However, MIL always had comments on almost everything, and if I didn't take her advice / \"instruction\", she would harp and harp on it. Until one day, she made a comment about DS1's shoes and that he wasn't walking cos I bought the wrong shoes. ( ahem, the shoes were very expensive and designed for babies to learn to walk in. The hard soled shoes were not meant for babies to learn to walk in. ) I was so mad that I refused to see her for a long period of time. I suppose that comment was the last straw.

Now, our relationship is cordial and I make sure I keep my distance. This way she does not feel at ease to give \"instruction\". DH remains just as sotong and of no help, so the only way to avoid conflict is to keep distance.

understand how u feel.....After 10yrs of marriage,i learn that don't expect anything fr. MIL...so long as she doesn't give us prob,oredi good liao.

My case is more complicated...MIL is unavoidable...

1)if u r close to her,she calls u non stop
2)if u keep a distance wf her,she perceives that u wanna severe r/s wf her
3)if u nice to her,she suspects u plan to take advantage fr her.
4)if u ignore her totally,she switches her target 100% to my DH,even worse :scratchhead:

[KSmom8]

Due to the complications during pregnancy, I was on medical leave and bed-rest. My mum came everyday to bring home-cooked food till i delivered. My MIL gave me herbs and a long list of instructions how to cook them. I thanked her for it. However, I think she felt obliged to give me something but didn’t want to put in the effort. In the end, I gave to my mum to brew for me. My MIL still does all the cooking and cleaning at her home, my SILs (in 30s - 40s) don’t even know how to cook or where the light sauce is kept.


That’s the difference between MILs and DILs compared to mums and daughters. My MIL had a bad relationship with her MIL. I must remember to break the cycle and be a good MIL and treat my DILs like the daughters I don’t have.