Club SAHM
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Coolkidsrock2:
I agree. I also find that it is tougher to be a SAHM than a FTWM. As a FTWM there's more \"me\" time. Lunch hour is mine to do as I like as a FTWM, but as a SAHM lunch is with kids or a quick bite.Even though I work around 12 hours daily and still have to supervise kids after work, I still think that it is easier than being a working mother than a SAHM. I experienced how tough it is being a SAHM when I took time off from work to look after kids due to a family situation then. I do not trust my kids with the maid alone.
There is a common misconception that it is \"shiok\" when \"no need to work\". But people do not understand how tough managing a household and bringing up the kids can be. It is frustrating guiding the child through the homework (more stressful trying to figure out which part of the work the child does not understand than to work) and the absence of intellectual companionship can be lonely (thankfully there is KSP website nowadays).
Personally, I think the contributions and sacrifices of SAHMs have been very under-rated and not fully recognised or appreciated.
It's a 24 / 7 job with no pay and high opportunity cost. But I do it cos I put my kids first, before anything / anyone else. I don't view as a sacrifice and I don't expect rewards / recognition, except perhaps more appreciation from DH. My relationship with my children is very close and I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. -
The other day I was feeling blue…so grumbled to mum about the lack of life/depressing being stuck at home.
During our time, education standard weren’t this high…so mum didnt have to worry much…as long as every year get promoted and then go to express stream in sec. Now, we parents have to be involved and as such lives are revolved around kids.
Vacuum 2x a week. Iron 2x a week. Cook lunch 6x a week…simple one.
When kids return, have lunch together, rest and coach them in homework followed by revision…daughter will try to auto-pilot unless she needs help. This is the rigid part. Weekends, they have tuition and then have to see that complete tuition homework.
If my mum says I am free, I will be mad bcos I am not. -
sleepy:
My most tiring task is to coach my 3 kids... Spend at least 4-5 hrs each day with 3 boys, and have to do housework, cooking fetching, sending. Fetching and sendin took up almost 3 hrs daily as I do not drive, and I have to go to the school to fetch them. Thinking of putting them on sch bus, but that is additional cost of us, with only hb working. At the end of the day, I only left my free time after they went to bed, and like checking emails or Internet while they are doing the work.Me too another do-everything SAHM without help. But I guess I sit on the other spectrum - underachieving. I acknowledged long ago that I'm not the domestic kind of person and hence too ready to forgive myself even if house not perfectly clean.
I do cleaning chores once a week. No need to clean everyday la. Where got so much energy?
Laundry is my most often task though, at least need to run 4 to 5 load each week. Other than that, sometimes I cook sometimes I don't. Tired then declare off day.
My most tiring task is actually sending/fetching kids to/fro school/tuition/music. This is rigid, cannot suka suka declare off even when I'm tired.
I don't actively coach my kids in school work. They auto-pilot la. If stuck, they would ask me one or two questions but not very often. So I usually read manga in my room & surf kiasuparents while they're doing their homework in their room.
Yesterday my mum called around 10am. dd1 answered the call. My mum's standard first question if I didn't answer the phone personally is '妈眯在睡觉？\" Aiyo even my own mum had the impression I'm 'eng eng' . I'm rather offended le, told my kids I'm not that 'eng' hor, just that I tried to multi-task & do everything at once so that I can start to idle earlier. And I do wake up very early on most days although I don't set alarm -
vinegar:
The ages of the kids play a big part too. If all the kids are in upper pri / sec, I believe we will have more breather and 'me' time. But if the kids are smaller, which require more attention from us, and require us to fetch them and send them, we will have less time for ourselves.
One frd of mine told me that she has 3kids,can manage to do this or that...Ermm...lazy to explain,different ppl,different children,different std of living.Then she started to say her frd also very fussy,also can manage.:.
My eldest is in p4 now, so he is more or less on auto pilot mode. But I still have to fetch him as he is not taking school bus, and no direct bus from our bus stop. Now, I am just waiting for my youngest to be in p1, so at least, I will have the whole morning to do housework as well as my 'me' time.
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Different ages, different expectations, different priorities. Time is money too. If just one kid, schoolbus is worth it. My kids have no tuition, though by others’ standard, they probably should. By removing all these, life is less hectic and everyone is more well rested. I do clean and cook a lot, but I think the fact that I am not tied to a third party’s schedule or expectations, everything feels more manageable. I can watch documentary on the Internet while I scrub the toilet or listen to an audiobook or watch a romance movie while ironing. After that I shower (to mtvs on bathroom counter), get pretty (can pick up fahion ideas from mtvs) and pick my younger son from kindy. We have lunch together, and I either take him out to scooter, or play a board game together before my elder one returns.
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SAHM Chew:
That's quite true...whole morning of peace until they come home.
The ages of the kids play a big part too. If all the kids are in upper pri / sec, I believe we will have more breather and 'me' time. But if the kids are smaller, which require more attention from us, and require us to fetch them and send them, we will have less time for ourselves.
My eldest is in p4 now, so he is more or less on auto pilot mode. But I still have to fetch him as he is not taking school bus, and no direct bus from our bus stop. Now, I am just waiting for my youngest to be in p1, so at least, I will have the whole morning to do housework as well as my 'me' time.
After hubby and kids leave at 635am, the house is all mine.
Actually, I split up work so that it isn't so tiring.
I plan work for my daughter everyday. Don't know about most schools, but CA/SA dates are just 3 weeks away once letter is given out.
I am waiting for both of them to be in secondary school, so that I can go out anytime without having to rush home for their lunch. -
Compared to last year, I’ve had more time to breathe. DS1 is in secondary school and he’s out in school most of time.
My focus now is on DS2 who’s in K2. Have to get him prepared for primary school and P1. I feel I neglected him last year as DS1 was having PSLE. There’s a routine of sending him to enrichment classes, school and coaching him myself. Can’t do as much as I want cos his attention span is not as long as DS1. Sometimes, get so little done and feeling worried whether he will ever be prepared for P1.
Got to do marketing and cooking. Fortunately, I have a maid to help out with chores. But these days, quality getting worse, and I find I end up doing more. Was exhausted with CNY cleaning cos my maid was so slow and couldn’t cope.
Am looking forward to next year, when DS2 goes to P1 and having half a day to myself. Think I might do without a full time maid then, will do cleaning myself or get a part time maid.
Is it easy / difficult to get a reliable part time maid? -
KSmom8:
My focus is also on younger one as I totally neglected her for 2 years since she entered P1.My focus now is on DS2 who's in K2. Have to get him prepared for primary school and P1. I feel I neglected him last year as DS1 was having PSLE. There's a routine of sending him to enrichment classes, school and coaching him myself. Can't do as much as I want cos his attention span is not as long as DS1. Sometimes, get so little done and feeling worried whether he will ever be prepared for P1.
Is it easy / difficult to get a reliable part time maid?
She is totally different from son...she is more auto to get homework done, but this girl's character is such that her feathers cannot be ruffled or she will stomp. She has tuition weekly...so I be the backup for languages on weekdays...like revising. Math and Science is daddy's specialty.
Mum is using a part time maid...the maid does a good job...but I find she is not systematic...for eg if she has to vacuum floor, there is no place to sit. With a maid, I will tell her to vacuum and clean one room first, so that we will all stay inside. This way, nobody walks around when she cleans.
Thus, I simply refuse to get part-timer...very inconvenient. -
With two kids in primary school now, my husband expects less of me in the chore department. He rather I spend more time with kids. With academic coaching largely out of the picture, I had more time instead for chores as elder son is tied up and busy in the afternoon when younger is in school. I still do need my afternoon nap,so I either nap with my elder son, or, I nap in his room when he does his homework, a welcome idea suggested by him.
The younger one demands a lot of my time. His energy level is high,with even after morning cca, afternoon class, evening time he still wants me to play games or with him. Evening is a mad rush to get him settled down for dinner, piano practice,wash dishes, games with him - he loves IQ or math games that I devised, just anythingthat I turn into games or competition,he gets excited. Reading or spelling games he also happy. Then his own free time to doodle, a window for me to catch a breathe or surf net before bedtime, spend some time asking him about his day. Then it is husband time. Hardly has time for elder boy,the only time we sit and talk is his lunch time. Have to work my chores around them as I really do prefer to spend that time with them than doing chores. Heehee, lazy me.
and on days when elder comes home late and I supposedly have long afternoon to get chores done, I go marketing, to mall that has better supermarket facility,only to spend more time in library or popular bookshop! -
Both my kids & I need afternoon nap…or else cannot function till 8pm.
I get chores done when they are in school…so my time is truly spent with them when they are home. Then we get homework done after that. Break for dinner, shower and continue after that. Then revise. I start the washing machine when we have showered…when clothes are ready, daughter will do work on her own until I am done hanging up laundry. Son will approach hubby for help in his subjects. Then at about 10, we go to bed.
Fridays, daughter will finish all her school homework at night…son has CCA till 6pm, so after bath/dinner/rest, he will sleep at about 9. Saturdays is busiest day…tuition and getting school hw (son) and tuition hw done.
Trying to ‘insert’ free time on Sunday night. Last week, we went out for dinner and relax. It was indeed a good break.
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