桃花谈

[HyperKiasu]

insider:

errr...don't know which question to take first for my this 10 min coffee break time...


Will take some questions tonight.

Meanwhile, maybe someone can help me to answer this particular question of ruohoo below pls.

ruohoo97:

Instead of concentrating my efforts in grooming my kids’ in their academics, I concentrate in building the 慈祥 look in them.
Could do share an example to build 慈祥 ?

Can an act of kindness a day help ?

[insider]

PiggyLalala:

On the topic of building the 慈祥look in our kids .

What about teaching them to be kind, helpful and less calculative, less self centred. Do and give more to others and less for self. Filial and respectful to parents and the elderly. Parents can focus less on academics and teach the kids to lead a simple life and be less materialistic. Learn to appreciate nature and 凡事不要太强求。

However, sometimes, i think looks can be decieving. Some kids have very serious and fierce look but they can be kind and helpful.

Thanks jedamum for her attempt to answer which is correct - we don't really need to do much to the kids but we have to lead by examples to build this 'look'.

HyperKiasu also proposes a simple good thing - to at least do one good deed a day (like for me, greeting bus drivers...)

Actually no matter how a person looks like, he/she can give people a feeling (the Qi), whether negative or positive…

相由心生 = how you feel is reflected on your look (the ‘Qi’)

慈祥 is actually a 'feel'.

慈 = 仁 = compassion = kindness

祥 = serenity = peacefulness

I take care of many babies and young kids in my line. Most new crying kids once their reach my hands, they will calm down coz my heart is very ‘slow’ and then as young kids, they can feel this energy instinctively (the silent ‘pacing’ of moods, a kind of ‘emotional connection’ that I once mentioned in other posts).

Coz my heart is very ‘slow’, my own kids, if they have ‘racing hearts’, can also be paced down. That’s the 磁场 I try to maintain in my house, that family members move with calmness (need to have a leader like this in the house. If you are not the one, then as said, identify the leader if there’s one and just surrender yourself to follow the leader).

Once paced down, they will have the 祥. (I keep myself constantly check on my 'heartbeat' and still will fail sometimes but I am able to recompose fast coz of this constant checking).

慈 is mainly demonstrated through small teachings through daily life (most parents lost this 慈 completely when kids’ cannot achieve certain academic standards).

My earlier conversation with my elder son as well as the story of 娃娃&毛毛 are examples of building 慈.

Below two are also another two examples of building the same thing.

It’s a long journey of the heart….

---------------------------------

This one posted two years ago:

Brought my 8 years old son to take a bus to a mall a few stops away from our house.

Two of us were seated.

Son noted an inch worm crawling on my arm and alerted me (might have crawled / dropped onto me while waiting under the tree next to the bus stop).

I swept the worm gentle down to the floor (never to kill).

Son observing it inching itself forward in an interesting manner on the floor.

Son: Mum, what will happen to this creature?

Me: What do you think?

Son: Someone may accidentally step on it and kill it.

Me: Yah, I think so. Even if no one steps on it, it may also die because this bus is not its natural habitat.

Son: So poor thing.

Me: (pause for him to carry on)

Son: Can you give me a piece of paper?

Me: For?

Son: I want to pick it up and drop it on a plant.

Me: (trying to fish paper from my bag. Couldn't find any and gave him a name card of a supplier).

Son: (bent to try to get the inch worm up the card but worm was crawling further away that his short hand couldn't reach). Mum, I can't reach it.

Me: We are alighting at the next bus stop and you may have to forego your rescue effort.

Son: (quickly got off from his seat and went to the seat behind to get the worm from there.) I got it!

Mission accomplished and we alighted from the bus and he put the worm on a plant.

Son: I am so happy that I save the life of an animal today!

Me: Yah, mum thinks the inch worm is thankful of you too!

Son: (face radiating with joy)

PS:

I didn't go into more detail discussions with him about whether the worm will survive on that plant or not or need to go back to its original habitat or whether sending it to the plant is 'fair' to the plant or not (since it will eat the plant). My incidental lesson stopped at seeing him showing some compassion to little life today...

PS2:
He wrote this incident down in his journal after we returned and showed it to his dad and kor kor who both praised him for being a 'hero'... hahaha...

--------------------------------------------------

This one happened last month (wrote to a friend):

Son's school promoting a math magazine that costs $3/month and $36/year.

I browsed through the magazine.

It contains some 'theories' such as what is a trapezium and some worksheets.

It is a fully coloured magazine.

I told him I will not be buying that.

He said but teachers encouraged them to buy.

I explained to him that magazine if it is black and white, I may still consider buying. But it is fully coloured which i think is not necessary for upper primary school kids and therefore buying it is sort of harming the environment more than necessarily.

He looked eager to buy.

He argued even if he doesnt buy, most if not all his classmates will buy and he may be the only one not buying. Even if he doesnt buy, the printer will still print so many magazines and that will still harm the environment.

I told him firmly he has to keep my teaching grounded in his mind, that I dont really care what other people are doing, that we need to stick on to our belief if that belief is good for the whole. If everyone throwing rubbish on the floor doesnt mean he should also follow them throwing rubbish on the floor since the floor is already dirty.

He looked unhappy coz he is still not convinced of my 'teaching'.

He further said if it is wrong to buy, then why would teacher be promoting it?

I replied I feel his teacher maybe promoting the mag to weaker children and the teacher will be wrong if she is promoting to everyone as whatever that appeared in that magazine he can get it from the textbook and the assessment book = magazine is just unnecessary = trees got chop down for ?

He is still unhappy (still cannot see we must treasure every resources on earth).

But I am sticking my gun... Maturity takes time...

[insider]

PiggyLalala:

There was once I brought my son to a hawker centre, a stranger walked past me and commented something about my son's future. I was very shocked as I do not know that man and my child was well behaved and not attracting any attention. After commenting, he walked away. My son was very young then, think maybe 3 or 4 yrs old. I wondered whether shld I take his words seriously? How accurate is fortune telling just based on look.

I think 看相 is true to a certain extent if done by a true master (but very few exist nowadays I believe). One of my good friends has been attending 看相 classes for close to two years now and still cannot really master it. (asked me whether I want to learn some more, I told her I am happy with my Stars Reading lah).

If old man said something good, then get that 'heng heng' feelings (usually if done by strangers is a blessing).

If he said something negative, then dont put too much thought about it as 命 can change for the better afterall if we try to lead a kind life...

[BeContented]

Personally I think 慈祥 look should have some link to 相由心生.


When a person is at peace, no bitterness, no resentment or with lesser negative thoughts, their look will naturally have a softness in them.
Should be applicable to both adults & kids but just that adults tend to look harsher due to the many life challenges & longer journey. Most kids tend to have a more 'peaceful/pure' look.

How to look 慈祥 .... Probably we need to first work on keeping them happy, have less grudges, & learn to be able to forgive & less selfish.

I remembered my son was a very happy baby. But when I was preg with #2 and could not carry him, he was sad. After #2 born, I had little time for him. I noticed besides sadness, he started frowning more, there seemed to be some anger as well. He was no longer the gentle baby as before......I quickly tried to reverse & swap with hubby, DH help out with #2 while I spend more time with DS. Glad to say we managed to 'salvage' the situation & he's still my rather sweet boy till now (13yo). If really want to apply that 慧根 theory, he's actually more peaceful looking than my gal.

Ps : din realise insider already responded. Took me so long just to type above using phone.

[insider]

Jennifer:

Lately I reflected on my relationship with my late mother.


Thank you, insider.

I think I am prepared to visit her now.

My hair stood when I read about Jennifer is ready to visit her late mum coz I presume this thing must have been bugging her for a long time.

Really we don’t need to live our life so hard, as in cannot 放下 this and cannot 放下that.

Jennifer if now you can choose to 放下, then I can somewhat assure you your family will gain a lot in many ways coz you have removed an absolutely unnecessary embedded powerful negative energy (coz it involved a Mother figure) in you and all in a family will have a bigger chance to open their 无明 as you have taken the small but important step to be the Leader…

I borrowed from the saying of Neil Armstrong:

\"That's one small step for Jennifer, one giant leap for her family\".

Jennifer 加油！！

[fable]

HyperKiasu:

insider:

errr...don't know which question to take first for my this 10 min coffee break time...


Will take some questions tonight.

Meanwhile, maybe someone can help me to answer this particular question of ruohoo below pls.

[quote=\"ruohoo97\"]
Instead of concentrating my efforts in grooming my kids’ in their academics, I concentrate in building the 慈祥 look in them.
Could do share an example to build 慈祥 ?

Can an act of kindness a day help ? [/quote]My Chinese is lousy so I apologise if this is not relevant, but since he was young I have told my son that his 'superpower' is his ability to make people happy. When he smiles at someone and gets a smile in return, or holds the door open for the next person, or shows appreciation for the food he is eating, I sometimes point out to him that he is practicing his superpower, and making the world a better place, one good deed at a time.

[ruohoo97]

Thanks all for shared " building 慈祥＂ we often say ＂慈祥的老奶奶＂hardly heard any one say 慈祥的小孩。but I do appreciate that some kids are quiet and stable; some are active and mangzhang.


So here we are talking about character building. Kindness, peacefulness,considerate so on. The kind and peaceful heart does reflect a radiant facial expression. But we also often say,人不可貌相。some outside 衣冠楚楚，inside 禽兽！

[insider]

jedamum:

when he was home, everyone will tread with caution. I see the same happening in my household too - kids being especially caution when dad is around.

Hi jedamum

can you elaborate why everyone will have to 'tread with caution' when your husband is around?

[insider]

ruohoo97:

So here we are talking about character building. Kindness, peacefulness,considerate so on. The kind and peaceful heart does reflect a radiant facial expression. But we also often say,人不可貌相。some outside 衣冠楚楚，inside 禽兽！

ruohoo ah,

if you have the real '慈祥' 'coating', you can smell a wolf even the wolf is in sheep skin...(that's why I am not so concerned about my two bigger kids kena conned etc. I simply have this instinct that they will be ok.)

Anyway, dont 'small look' at 禽兽. They are actually intelligent animals. They will not pick on people with 正气 （慈祥 doesnt equate stupid but is a form of 正气 that even spirits also cannot go near).

禽兽 tend to go after people with big 无明 / 邪气 coz those are easier to con...

[insider]

BeContented:

Personally I think 慈祥 look should have some link to 相由心生.


When a person is at peace, no bitterness, no resentment or with lesser negative thoughts, their look will naturally have a softness in them.
Should be applicable to both adults & kids but just that adults tend to look harsher due to the many life challenges & longer journey. Most kids tend to have a more 'peaceful/pure' look.

How to look 慈祥 .... Probably we need to first work on keeping them happy, have less grudges, & learn to be able to forgive & less selfish.

Ps : din realise insider already responded. Took me so long just to type above using phone.

Thanks BeContented for your efforts in punching on those tiny keys...

At least you got the part about 相由心生 very correctly.

You heard of 仁者无敌？I just know about this power of compassion and if one really can harness it, one will become invincible...

Perhaps to add a bit more to your post, that we 'work on keeping them happy' AND we must also demonstrate to them what things make us happy coz to Give is the basic of building Compassion...