桃花谈
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Hi Insider,
Thanks for sharing your valuable insights.
My Chinese standard not that good.
Pls explain \"欲擒故纵\" - is the strategy if you want kids to be close to you emotionally...
Hanyu Pin Yin?
Thank u!
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Laura02:
Hi Insider!
Thank You for taking the time and effort to share your insights on KSP.
I though of you when I came across this.
哇！I take it as a complement.
谢谢！谢谢！！
PS:
Many want others to change but they find it so hard to change themselves.
Whatever 'resistance' that they are feeling in them to change is the same 'resistance' of the other party to change (Einstein's theory of relativity which was mentioned by Buddha thousands years ago). So theoretically they cannot fault the other party if they don't want to fault themselves...
Honestly I don't really think I can do much for my elder sis' family coz both niece and her are so stubborn. I can only try to cushion their pains by acting as a person whom my niece can turn to when she runs into troubles...
Sometimes just wonder why some people prefer to hurt till 血淋淋 then they can learn lessons...
解铃还需系铃人... -
ftwmum:
hanyupinying: yu (4) qin (2) gu (4) zong (4).Hi Insider,
Thanks for sharing your valuable insights.
My Chinese standard not that good.
Pls explain \"欲擒故纵\" - is the strategy if you want kids to be close to you emotionally...
Hanyu Pin Yin?
Thank u!
I inviting readers' participation in answering your question (this one good to reflect and then help to answer. It's part of 心得.)
------------------------------------------------------------
PS:
Recalled an old post in 2009.
This article is from Readers' Digest (unfortunately in Chinese again...)
孩子，請你搬走吧！
來源： 新《大眾文摘》
孩子，今天你又裝作若無其事地，暗示媽媽，說市中區的房價，又在飆升，如果再不行動，或許以後你和女友，連一間棲息的小屋都沒有。
我淡淡地看你一眼，終於沒有像你希望的那樣，說出「媽媽給你們買」的話來。而你，也在這樣尷尬的沉默裡，即刻氣嘟嘟地放下碗筷，摔門出去。我從窗戶裡看著你遠去的背影，瘦削，懶散，有些玩世和任性，你還是賴在父母懷裡，始終不肯獨立。可是，親愛的孩子，你已經25歲，一份穩定的工作，一個需要呵護的女友，兩個日益老去的父母，難道這些，還不足以讓你成熟，承擔一個成人該擔負的責任?
從很小的時候，你就習慣有事來找媽媽。
5歲的時候，你要媽媽幫你整理扔得到處都是的玩具；
10歲的時候，看見同學腳上氣派的皮鞋，就哭鬧著讓我也去買來；
15歲的時候，你寫情書給班裡的女孩子，說，我媽媽認識很多的人，誰要是欺負你，儘管告訴我，
20歲的時候，你讀大學，每次打電話來都是抱怨，說食堂的飯菜如此糟糕，為什麼不給我多寄些營養品?
今年25歲的你，在一次與同學閒聊裡，很驕傲地說，我爸媽早已給我備好了買房的錢，我即便是不怎麼奮鬥，也一樣可以過得很好。每一次我都寬容地笑笑，就淡忘掉了。
我習慣了聽你的吩咐，只以為，對你的每一滴好，你自會記得，且在將來我們老去，你已壯年的時候，可以得到你的細心照料。 可是而今，你日日回家蹭飯，又時常將女友帶回家來久住，讓依然工作的我，還要為你們的一日三餐奔波勞累。這樣的景況，終於讓我連一絲的微笑，都無法擠出。我發現，這樣苦掉自己，全力為你的方式，只是使你心底的自私和懶惰，愈是潛滋暗長，無沿無邊。
我終於承認，25年來對你無節制的寵愛，是一個多麼大的錯誤。有一次開玩笑，我說媽媽或許活不到你娶妻生子呢，你一下子便急，說，那怎麼行，將來誰給我們洗衣做飯，誰給我們照料孩子? 當時的我，有一種無法言說的憂傷。原來當我們老掉，依然還要為你繼續操勞，直到生命的終點。我們不是養育了一隻日漸豐滿有力的雄鷹，而是一個寄居的蟲子，它要將滋養了它的鮮嫩的骨頭，一直啃到乾枯腐朽，再無營養。
親愛的孩子，我不得不殘忍地告訴你，你的上半生，與我息息相關，而你以後的道路，我將不再過問。媽媽已經將兼職的工作辭掉，我不能為了你的幸福，而將自己退休後的悠閒時光，交給繼續為你掙錢買房的苦痛中。也請你，從父母的身邊搬走，用自己的薪水租房去住。孩子，媽媽抱歉，不該這樣愛你。而你，也應對那些將父母啃到疲憊的往昔感到愧疚。且讓我們，彼此原諒，彼此放手。
Below was my response:
我无法原谅您, 妈妈.
妈妈，
当今天我有意无意的暗示您我需要您的资助买房子时您显露出的那种模样真令我失望。
从小，您对我无微不至。在我成长的年龄当中，我从无需做任何的思考或决定，因为您都会将一切都打点、盘算好，而我就坐在那儿坐享其成就好。您呵护我、关爱我。您从不曾肯给我任何做主的机会。您担心我算错、做错。我就是在您那么一片苦心下成长。
从很小的時候，您就习惯性的帮我处理生活大小事件：
5岁的时候，您没培养起我收拾玩具的习惯。您总认为我还小，所以总是在我背后我丢一件，您拾一件的将家里打理得井井有条。
10岁的时候，看见同学脚上气派的皮鞋，我就哭闹着让您也去买来。您为了爱我，也就百般迁就。
15岁的时候，您告诉我若学校里有什么解决不了的问题我可以依赖您的社交网加以解决，所以我也将如此消息告诉班里的同学。
您就是一个那么了不起的母亲，您任劳任怨的肯成为我成长中无所不在的拐杖、安全网，而我也顺理成章把您当成如此这般。
我原有一切能成为一只丰满有力的雄鹰, 但在您的溺爱下，我渐渐地成为一個寄居的虫子。如今，您醒悟了，肯放手了，我顿时感到惊慌失措，因我从未有独立的能力。
溺爱我，是您的大错。对不起，妈妈， 我无法原谅您。把我养成今日这副没骨气的模样是您这些年的错误育儿方式朔成的。您误了我２５年可健全学习做人的时光，我实在无法原谅您。所以如今您肯放手 了，但我却不肯。您必须为我的一辈子负责，就让我们彼此继续耗下去，直到您生命结束的那一天为止吧！
Above is a bit related to the \"欲擒故纵\"...
PS2: vinegar, you can read Chinese? Faster go 'resign' hor... -
insider:
Added a word.. :evil:
This article is from Readers' Digest (unfortunately in traditional Chinese again...) -
ftwmum:
Literally, it means
Pls explain \"欲擒故纵\" - is the strategy if you want kids to be close to you emotionally...
If you desire to capture you must release on purpose.
Rein in too tight will back fire.
Ease the tension if you want better results.
I guess..
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insider:
Finished oredi?, feeling not yet meh. What about stars? 桃花stars?KSP:
insider, are u still continuing your 桃花谈 story?
Finished oredi leh. My elder niece has a stable main star and I will talk to her when the time is right...
That 'case' that I stopped at Part 3 - 主角 never responds and so I closed her case oredi... -
Hi insider,
The article you posted reminded me of another post that you made.
Most of it I forgotten, the portion that stick in my mind was the mother gave all the best to the child. For example the best parts of the fish. Years later, at a dinner occasion, the now adult child took the best part of the fish for herself and gave the bony parts to her mother. Her mother was angry and scolded her. But the child replied she thought that is what she liked to eat, since that’s what she has been taking for herself. -
SAHM_TAN:
... Her mother was angry and scolded her. But the child replied she thought that is what she liked to eat, since that's what she has been taking for herself.
:rotflmao: . It's kind of like the story of how an elderly couple sat down one morning and started recounting what they like or don't like about each other. The wife complained that the husband is always giving the crispy front and back end of loaves of bread to her, instead of the white pieces in between.
\"But honey, those are the parts I liked most!\" said the husband. So misunderstandings can happen even when 2 persons loved one another very much. -
ChiefKiasu:
好心做坏事？
\"But honey, those are the parts I liked most!\" said the husband.
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Hi insider,
thks for the advice
i
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