Club SAHM
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TheAnswer:
Have u ever checked with your DH how he rates you? I mean like overall package (housekeeping, personal upkeeping, temper, finance management, personality etc). I did once. Got 75 only. But my DH said, it's already distinction you know. He is kinda stingy with the marks. What to do? He said 75 already very good. Still working on improving my score.. Hmm..
Scale of 1 to 10, dh gave me 9.9 because I told him can't choose 10
He has this special ability to discover & even amplify strenghts which I don't even know I have.
For instance, we broke a mug. So while picking up the pieces I told our kids we need to wrap with few layers of plastic bags so that when we trash it, cleaner uncle won't cut his hands while emptying the trash.
Dh started telling our kids, \"see, i told you mummy is very kind hearted,' and then he went on to relate to them other examples
From my perspective, wrapping broken pieces with a few layers is pure common sense. Yet I feel like a better person through his eyes
He also has this special ability not to identify my tardiness & lack of domestic skills as faults.
Or as my dad aptly put it, my dh has stamps over his eyes :rotflmao: -
Sweeping under the carpet is not a solution…the problem will still stay.
It should not happen again. -
sleepy:
DH will never give me such high marks. Haiz. I feel lousy looking at all the near perfect scores.TheAnswer:
Have u ever checked with your DH how he rates you? I mean like overall package (housekeeping, personal upkeeping, temper, finance management, personality etc). I did once. Got 75 only. But my DH said, it's already distinction you know. He is kinda stingy with the marks. What to do? He said 75 already very good. Still working on improving my score.. Hmm..
Scale of 1 to 10, dh gave me 9.9 because I told him can't choose 10
He has this special ability to discover & even amplify strenghts which I don't even know I have.
For instance, we broke a mug. So while picking up the pieces I told our kids we need to wrap with few layers of plastic bags so that when we trash it, cleaner uncle won't cut his hands while emptying the trash.
Dh started telling our kids, \"see, i told you mummy is very kind hearted,' and then he went on to relate to them other examples
From my perspective, wrapping broken pieces with a few layers is pure common sense. Yet I feel like a better person through his eyes
He also has this special ability not to identify my tardiness & lack of domestic skills as faults.
Or as my dad aptly put it, my dh has stamps over his eyes :rotflmao:
Despite that, I'm thankful that he we still go on dates once a week. Either DH or I will initiate. -
slmkhoo:
Maybe it might help to have an agreed conflict resolution protocol? If both of you can agree to a system (discuss when both are cool), then both can adhere to it when angry and it may help. My husband and I both agree not to discuss issues when angry. If one or the other raises a voice at the other, the other will say calmly that he/she feels that it is uncalled for and request for a time to discuss the issue at a later time, usually after the kids have gone to bed or the next day. Of course, if there is something that has to be decided on the spot, one or the other has to give way at that moment, which is a bit harder, but it can't be helped and can be taken into account later. This way, we avoid a shouting match, but also agree to deal with the matter at an agreed time and not sweep it under the carpet. We especially avoid arguing in front of our kids or allowing them to take sides - we usually tell them that occasional disagreements between people are unavoidable, and we will discuss it and tell them our joint decision later (if it concerns them).[/quote]thks for advice.We agreed to discuss after children sleep. The only issue is when we've disagreement,he always subconsciously \"insists\" that i shld agree wf him,immediately, despite sometx i nid some times to \"digest\" the info.If i keep quiet or don't give response to his opinion,he'll assume i still disagree wf him.vinegar:
[quote=\"vinegar\"]what if we keep quiet n DH keeps scolding n accusing us non-stop?
there were few times i didn't wanna discuss it anymore,yet,he kept talking n yelling.I went to the other room,he still followed n kept talking.Told him stop yelling n talk softly but couldn't stop his anger.
Perhaps, i shld let him know my thoughts n seek a common agreement to deal wf when disagreement arises. -
Responsibility as a mother…I am very happy with his high rating. This score is something I can definitely accept…bcos I put everything else aside to put kids as #1 priority.
As such, he can rate my housekeeping skills as ‘ok’…he closes 2 eyes regarding my slack in cooking skills. Frankly speaking, I do not believe in eating 2 meals outside. He does tell me to 打包 if I am busy coaching younger one…but certain days, tingkat dinner dishes may not be to kids’ liking, so I want to be sure they both eat a proper lunch…so whether they eat more during dinner or not is still ok. -
slmkhoo:
Wow! Impressive, you & your dh are the model couple
For me, married over 25yrs, I would rate it as a 9.9 (since perfection is not possible?). We do disagree sometimes, we irritate each other sometimes, but we we have learned to accept each other and we are still 'best friends'. I have been a SAHM for 16yrs, and am really very grateful that my husband recognises the work I do to raise and educate the kids, keep the home going and to support him in his work. He has never shown in any way that he rates me as less important because I don't bring money home, or that he considers my giving up my career and income as a waste. In fact, he sometimes tells people that SAHM are the 'glue' that holds families together, especially when we are overseas and without extended family support. I don't regret my marriage at all.sleepy:
I guess every marriage is different. Every dh has different temperament and every SAHM has different temperament. 家家有本难念的经
Since we are on this topic, how would you rate your overall happiness level in your decade (or decades) of marriage?
From scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being blissfully happy :please:
I have to admit I'm high maintenance, not financially but emotionally. A harsh tone, an irritated expression from dh would all hurt me. I need his attention to feel love and affirmation that he still finds me attractive and desirable as a lover.
When kids were younger, it was tough because we were inexperienced parents and without external help, we were practically struggling on our own. I would say that period was a rather low point in our marriage because I always feel so neglected by him. Of course dh was totally oblivious to my unhappiness because he always feel blissfully happy. So I'm the only person who went through those low period.
When kids grow up a little more, we have more time to ourselves and what I have communicating to him all those years about paying more attention to me has finally got through to him. He is all over me again the last couple of years, and being affectionate like he used to be, before we both became overwhelmed by kids. Yes, considering he is still besotted with me, I gave an overall rating of 9.2 :love: -
TheAnswer:
Have u ever checked with your DH how he rates you? I mean like overall package (housekeeping, personal upkeeping, temper, finance management, personality etc). I did once. Got 75 only. But my DH said, it's already distinction you know. He is kinda stingy with the marks. What to do? He said 75 already very good. Still working on improving my score.. Hmm..
I'm not sure I want to know! But performance level and satisfaction level are different things - your husband may give a 75 score but still have a 9.9 satisfaction level. I know my husband will have a relatively high satisfaction level (hopefully over 9!) but since he has very high standards, may not give good marks for individual areas. In fact, in all the areas you list, I will probably not have good scores. My housekeeping and personal upkeeping is fairly bare-bones, temper quite fiery, personality can be scary (that's my kids' opinion), finance management is OK on a small scale but terrible when there are more than 3 digits as I can't handle numbers... He appreciates me more for sharing a common faith and aspirations, being highly organised and fairly resourceful, strict with the kids, always willing to listen to him talk about whatever is on his mind, not being jealous of time he spends on other people, being independent and not clingy, having my own interests and hobbies, willing to live simply... not really the 'typical' SAHM traits that people first think about. -
sleepy:
Wow! Impressive, you & your dh are the model couple
Thanks! It's surprising how the years have passed when you look back though there have been tougher times along the way too. The main thing is to adjust together. We married early but started our family late, so our kids are still only in their early/mid teens; the next phase is for me to return to work outside the home. After that, when the kids are grown, it will be like back to the early years again! -
Imami:
So u pump at spc? Do u pump at other petrol station? Do u find that spc's petrol like \"no power\"? I prefer shell, so whenever shell has promo on v power, I sure go there to pump!
Used to pump at shell but it moved away so we switched over to spc. We alwyas pick the nearest petrol station for convenience. Don't feel any difference between shell and spc le. You driving a big cc car is it? Mine only 1.6 so I guess not much difference -
My kids have passed the bb/toddler stage. We have moved from the physically tiring stage to the present ie mentally demanding stage - education. The past 14 years seemed to have zoomed past…hubby said we were lucky to have started family early…so now we have proceeded to the next stage. My brother started family late…7 years to be exact. So now, we can enjoy a little freedom from clingy babies.
When the kids grow up a little more, hubby and I can enjoy some privacy when they stay back longer hours in school.
My sincere apologies for the ranting earlier.
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