桃花谈

[cmm]

sunflower:

Yes, please do not be TOO kan cheong with regards to children's academic, especially girls, who bear grudges more easily than boys. My friend badly strained her relationship with her daughter because of academic results. I'm worried for them as to how are they going to reconcile. The hurt and damage done were really very deep.

My son told me something when I picked him up from school just now. He said his teacher told them a story today in class. It's the story of the boy who cried wolf.

I was about to ask him for the moral of the story when he volunteered \"This story teaches us not to tell lies. But my friend A said she will continue to tell lies. This is because her mother is always angry with her, so she wants to tell lies to take revenge on her mother.\" :yikes:

I told my son that this is not the right way to treat one's own mother (had to undo whatever bad influence A might have imparted to my son ), that A's mother would be very hurt to know what A said.

Feel sad for this child as she already has such deep rooted dislike for her mother at such a young age (P1). I'm not sure though if the cause of their conflict is due to academic pursuits.

[Imami]

cmm:

Feel sad for this child as she already has such deep rooted dislike for her mother at such a young age (P1). I'm not sure though if the cause of their conflict is due to academic pursuits.

My gut feel like the mum must hv hurt the daughter before and it was must quite deep (the hurt) and most likely repeatedly. 千万不能伤了小孩的心。。。

[keroppi]

insider:

concern2:

Question: When we talk about having faith, faith in our children, that they will be fine, faith that things will turn out fine; this concept of 'Faith', how do you explain it in Mandarin and to an athiest?

“Faith” basically is just an Unshakable Belief.

As what Imami said, it’s a 信念, literally translated as “trust” and “seed” (“seed” as in a thought. A 念 is always a ‘seed’ that carries in itself tremendous potential power; just like a tiny seed can grow into a giant tree…).
…

I agree. I know how some parents tear the answers at the back of assessment books out because they think their kids would cheat. I don't do that cos I prefer to trust them. Interestingly, my kids also never bother to resort to cheating - they'll just leave those they can't do blank so that I can teach them later. When they are in upper Pri, I started asking them to mark themselves - so they can be independent and take ownership of their learning. Also make life easier for myself lah ..

Judging from the number of assessment books passed down to me from friends and relatives, a lot of parents do not trust their kids. Quite sad. I feel that when you trust them, they'll try their best to honor your trust.

[Imami]

keroppi:

insider:

[quote=\"concern2\"]Question: When we talk about having faith, faith in our children, that they will be fine, faith that things will turn out fine; this concept of 'Faith', how do you explain it in Mandarin and to an athiest?

“Faith” basically is just an Unshakable Belief.

As what Imami said, it’s a 信念, literally translated as “trust” and “seed” (“seed” as in a thought. A 念 is always a ‘seed’ that carries in itself tremendous potential power; just like a tiny seed can grow into a giant tree…).
…

I agree. I know how some parents tear the answers at the back of assessment books out because they think their kids would cheat. I don't do that cos I prefer to trust them. Interestingly, my kids also never bother to resort to cheating - they'll just leave those they can't do blank so that I can teach them later. When they are in upper Pri, I started asking them to mark themselves - so they can be independent and take ownership of their learning. Also make life easier for myself lah ..

Judging from the number of assessment books passed down to me from friends and relatives, a lot of parents do not trust their kids. Quite sad. I feel that when you trust them, they'll try their best to honor your trust.[/quote]Wah, this is a good one!

Trusting your child (to do the right thing) has some elements of trusting yourself.

I remember when I was very little, my mum would always tell me - if u lie to me, you are also lying to yourself. I don't really understand the rationale of her words but it has great impact on how I choose to believe in my child (and my husband) and how I choose to empower my son to do the right thing. I let him know that he has a choice - to do the right thing or the wrong one. Most People, by nature, will try to \"live up\" to the expectation of the others, especially those who love them.

[Imami]

ruohoo97:

insider:

The only thing that we can do to improve on one's destiny is via developing compassionate individuals - this one to me is a Sure Win...

So, you try to develop your own interest and do your own things. If you find you really cannot stop tailing behind your kiddos' backs on their studies, then make some arrangement and return to work. First and foremost, you have to live a fulfilling life, then your kiddos are likely to also live fulfilling lives coz you are the MODEL...

This is interesting point. many of us quit our career to be SAHM, you seems to suggest otherwise.

I have a feeling that insider is saying something like \"shift your focus\", not necessarily \"go back to work\" per se.

[SAHM_TAN]

Thanks insider.


My hubby said he’s ok even if she fails. He’s from the school of hard knocks so nothing fazes him.

I will try.

[Imami]

SAHM_TAN:

Thanks insider.


My hubby said he's ok even if she fails. He's from the school of hard knocks so nothing fazes him.

I will try.

Men seem more cool when it comes to this. My husband is also like that. My father too. You may like to read about how I almost dropped out of school here: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=847425#p847425
And

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=847437#p847437

Don't be overly hard on yourself :hugs:

When I find myself at a cross junction and feeling very lost, I will take a step back and think about how I get here and what was I trying to achieve in the first place. We all set off a journey for an objective but often, we lose our vision/focus at mid way, ESP if the journey is a long one or you hv met with many obstacles and made some detour/change path.

[insider]

SAHM_TAN:

Thanks insider.


My hubby said he's ok even if she fails. He's from the school of hard knocks so nothing fazes him.

I will try.

Stay calm and think carefully, about whether your hubby can be the 'Leader'.

If he is a better one than you, then just listen to him and stop your heart from wavering (about kids' school work). Accepting someone who is stronger than you as the Leader is very important coz it allows you to just surrender yourself to his decision WITHOUT doubt and unnecessary arguments (which that will become your Guiding Principle if you are ever in doubt).

Wishing you finding more meaningful things to do for yourself during your SAHM life (can even go and take an afternoon part time course for 'upgrading'). AND, must always stay pretty hor... (must have good skin care routine, must use facial masks, must maintain your hair, etc, etc...coz YOU WORTH IT!)

[ammonite]

keroppi:

I agree. I know how some parents tear the answers at the back of assessment books out because they think their kids would cheat. I don't do that cos I prefer to trust them. Interestingly, my kids also never bother to resort to cheating - they'll just leave those they can't do blank so that I can teach them later. When they are in upper Pri, I started asking them to mark themselves - so they can be independent and take ownership of their learning. Also make life easier for myself lah ..

Judging from the number of assessment books passed down to me from friends and relatives, a lot of parents do not trust their kids. Quite sad. I feel that when you trust them, they'll try their best to honor your trust.

I find that strange, I never knew that parents do that..?? For my son, I tell him to check the answer himself if he doesn't know how to do a question. Learn by working backwards mah. I learnt that way too when I was a kid.

[ammonite]

ruohoo97:

insider:

The only thing that we can do to improve on one's destiny is via developing compassionate individuals - this one to me is a Sure Win...

So, you try to develop your own interest and do your own things. If you find you really cannot stop tailing behind your kiddos' backs on their studies, then make some arrangement and return to work. First and foremost, you have to live a fulfilling life, then your kiddos are likely to also live fulfilling lives coz you are the MODEL...

This is interesting point. many of us quit our career to be SAHM, you seems to suggest otherwise.

The way I interpret insider's comments is that our lives cannot revolve just around our kids and their academics. I fully agree with this. I have observed many parents while I was growing up, and I observed that the happiest ones and those with good relationship with their children are those who embrace life - they have friends, hobbies, work that they take delight in. In this way, they are constantly recharged with new ideas and energies, and are a joy to be around. They continue to be able to \"give\" and they are balanced in their mindsets and lifestyles.

In contrast, those who have 'sacrifice' everything because it is the 'right' thing to do tend to have a tinge of resentment, and a hard time dealing with the \"empty nest\" syndrome. It is hard for their kids and husband too. They can't live their lives fully without feeling guilty and resentful at the same time. The roles sometimes becomes reversed. The child has become an adult, but the adult has become a petulant attention seeking child.