桃花谈

[keroppi]

Imami:

I remember when I was very little, my mum would always tell me - if u lie to me, you are also lying to yourself. I don't really understand the rationale of her words but it has great impact on how I choose to believe in my child (and my husband) and how I choose to empower my son to do the right thing. I let him know that he has a choice - to do the right thing or the wrong one. Most People, by nature, will try to \"live up\" to the expectation of the others, especially those who love them.

I agree. One of the things I cannot stand is lying. Not sure why - but if I were to catch a lie, I would feel very, very upset. I guess it's because I trust most people to do the right thing. Like you, I believe in empowering my children.

[Imami]

ammonite:

The way I interpret insider's comments is that our lives cannot revolve just around our kids and their academics. I fully agree with this. I have observed many parents while I was growing up, and I observed that the happiest ones and those with good relationship with their children are those who embrace life - they have friends, hobbies, work that they take delight in. In this way, they are constantly recharged with new ideas and energies, and are a joy to be around. They continue to be able to \"give\" and they are balanced in their mindsets and lifestyles.

In contrast, those who have 'sacrifice' everything because it is the 'right' thing to do tend to have a tinge of resentment, and a hard time dealing with the \"empty nest\" syndrome. It is hard for their kids and husband too. They can't live their lives fully without feeling guilty and resentful at the same time. The roles sometimes becomes reversed. The child has become an adult, but the adult has become a petulant attention seeking child.

Well said, ammonite!
:goodpost:

[vinegar]

keroppi:

jedamum:

Aiyo

Tear out answers from assessment books does not necessarily mean don't trust kids. Some is for ease of marking. We detached answers so kids can mark read model answers by themselves or easier for me to mark.

Sorry, I don't mean to generalise.
I asked those people myself and that was the answer I got.

For my case,it was my son who torn all the answer sheets.He said it is easier for him to mark himself without the need to keep flipping to chk answer sheet.

Few yrs ago,I caught my son copied the answers.I was very angry n explained to him that it is no point to practise if u continue copying the answer.Since then,he didn't do it anymore.

But.....few weeks ago,when i picked him up after tuition,asked him why he released fr. class faster than others :? . He said,\"mummy,u don't believe,the teacher left out the answers at the back page.No other students notice that & i am the only one saw it n quickly copied the answers,am I smart?\".....speechless.... :yikes: :scared:

[Imami]

keroppi:

jedamum:

Aiyo

Tear out answers from assessment books does not necessarily mean don't trust kids. Some is for ease of marking. We detached answers so kids can mark read model answers by themselves or easier for me to mark.

Sorry, I don't mean to generalise.
I asked those people myself and that was the answer I got.

Same as Keroppi, those around me are like that – they cant trust their kids with the answer sheets. As with many other issues, one single factor should not be taken as conclusive. But this is one good example of action vs intention. When parents decide to tear out the answer sheets, is it purely because it is easier to mark?

anyway I did that too – tear out answer sheets – to mark my own assessment books.

[vinegar]

ammonite:

ruohoo97:

[quote=\"insider\"]
The only thing that we can do to improve on one's destiny is via developing compassionate individuals - this one to me is a Sure Win...

So, you try to develop your own interest and do your own things. If you find you really cannot stop tailing behind your kiddos' backs on their studies, then make some arrangement and return to work. First and foremost, you have to live a fulfilling life, then your kiddos are likely to also live fulfilling lives coz you are the MODEL...

This is interesting point. many of us quit our career to be SAHM, you seems to suggest otherwise.

The way I interpret insider's comments is that our lives cannot revolve just around our kids and their academics. I fully agree with this. I have observed many parents while I was growing up, and I observed that the happiest ones and those with good relationship with their children are those who embrace life - they have friends, hobbies, work that they take delight in. In this way, they are constantly recharged with new ideas and energies, and are a joy to be around. They continue to be able to \"give\" and they are balanced in their mindsets and lifestyles.

In contrast, those who have 'sacrifice' everything because it is the 'right' thing to do tend to have a tinge of resentment, and a hard time dealing with the \"empty nest\" syndrome. It is hard for their kids and husband too. They can't live their lives fully without feeling guilty and resentful at the same time. The roles sometimes becomes reversed. The child has become an adult, but the adult has become a petulant attention seeking child.[/quote]indeed....I notice that was what happened to my PIL,constantly seeking attn & draining our energy to fulfill their attn.
I keep reminding myself not to end up like them.
i always remind myself to keep loving myself.We shld not depend on others to make ourselves happy.By doing so,we also won't feel resentment, for not getting any returns for the efforts+times we give to DH n children.

[vinegar]

vinegar:

keroppi:

[quote=\"jedamum\"]Aiyo

Tear out answers from assessment books does not necessarily mean don't trust kids. Some is for ease of marking. We detached answers so kids can mark read model answers by themselves or easier for me to mark.

Sorry, I don't mean to generalise.
I asked those people myself and that was the answer I got.

For my case,it was my son who torn all the answer sheets.He said it is easier for him to mark himself without the need to keep flipping to chk answer sheet.

Few yrs ago,I caught my son copied the answers.I was very angry n explained to him that it is no point to practise if u continue copying the answer.Since then,he didn't do it anymore.

But.....few weeks ago,when i picked him up after tuition,asked him why he released fr. class faster than others :? . He said,\"mummy,u don't believe,the teacher left out the answers at the back page.No other students notice that & i am the only one saw it n quickly copied the answers,am I smart?\".....speechless.... :yikes: :scared:[/quote]How to deal with the betrayal over trust? I've been trying to train my son to be independent n take responsibility,seems doesn't work well.

Whenever i leave him alone to do his homework,he'll end up playing.If i sit besides him,he'll ask me to away.

[Imami]

jedamum:

Ammonite

I am like that, life revolve around kids.
But I was never happier before this.
I felt like an awkward person and often question the meaning of life.
I used to have frequent conversation with myself in my head before I got married and have kids.
How? I don't find many hobbies interesting unless you include surfing here and watching tv as hobbies! !!!
My plans after kids leave the nest would be to spend more time chilling with my mum. Wish her good health! !!!

Well done, Jedamum! You qualify to be a role model for the other sahms. Most of the sahms I know do not live life to the fullest for themselves. But I have to say, I see such characters in the work force too, just that the ratio is smaller. Nothing is absolute – if one is sahm, then one must be leading an unfulfilling life and if one is a ftwm, then one must be leading a fulfilling life. The point is finding something that suits oneself.

I have to confess I am not one of those who can juggle a high flying career AND family life. But neither am I the sort who can stay at home, or at least that is what I assess myself to be. Hence, when I was at the cross road some years back, I decided to give up a great career path (all laid out, just waiting for me to walk it through) and focus on my family. I took up a lower level position which demanded less effort and time from me. of cos, the pay is much much much lesser. But hey, I am clocking Singapore office hours (I used to work round the clock as I took care of the European and Aspac offices and had to report to bosses in US) and I get to knock off at 5.30pm!

Life now is definitely fulfilling. I get to pick my son at his school every day, cook for the family, get to watch TV and talk/play with my son. When I reach the school to pick up the kid, seeing a happy child running towards me every day and giving me a bear hug is well worth whatever trash I need to go through.

[keroppi]

vinegar:

No other students notice that & i am the only one saw it n quickly copied the answers,am I smart?\".....speechless.... :yikes: :scared:

Sorry, don't mean to laugh but very funny leh. :rotflmao:
Kids are so innocent.

[vinegar]

keroppi:

vinegar:

No other students notice that & i am the only one saw it n quickly copied the answers,am I smart?\".....speechless.... :yikes: :scared:

Sorry, don't mean to laugh but very funny leh. :rotflmao:
Kids are so innocent.

it's ok! I laughed over it also! :rotflmao:

[keroppi]

vinegar:

How to deal with the betrayal over trust? I've been trying to train my son to be independent n take responsibility,seems doesn't work well.


Whenever i leave him alone to do his homework,he'll end up playing.If i sit besides him,he'll ask me to away.

Some kids will need hand-holding more. I always strike deals & bargains with my kids. Want to play can, how long before he decides to study. I stick to my end of the bargain and they too. If he says 1 hr, then set the alarm for 1 hr - no dispute when alarm rings. If he complains so much work, then ask him how many pages and get him to agree to the bargain, esp if it is one drawn up by him so it is fair to him.

Taking responsibility means facing the consequences themselves too. Be it facing the wrath of teachers, getting poor marks for an unstudied tingxie/spelling, etc. Lose MRT/library card? I will make sure they go through the trouble of calling and reporting to the different offices themselves. Will step in if needed (like getting a photo) or going down to SMRT office, etc. I don't make life easier for my kids. They create a problem, they fix it. Lose a book, go and buy one from the school library yourself with your own savings. Libary book, same thing. It may seem uncaring but such is life.