Club SAHM

[janet88]

Hi ladies,

Thanks for your wonderful input.
Looks like I really have to put in more effort to convince other half that son didn't do badly. Everything happens for a reason...and this could also be a blessing in disguise that he is blessed to be in this school where he gets passionate teachers...and a pretty English teacher too :evil:

[sharonkhoo]

janet_lee88:

Hi ladies,

Thanks for your wonderful input.
Looks like I really have to put in more effort to convince other half that son didn't do badly. Everything happens for a reason...and this could also be a blessing in disguise that he is blessed to be in this school where he gets passionate teachers...and a pretty English teacher too :evil:

Depending on your husband's standards, you may not be able to convince him that your son didn't do badly, but hopefully you can convince him that he didn't do badly BECAUSE his father didn't do enough. My older daughter is weak at Maths, and we have come to terms that 'good' for her is anything above 70 (sec school) even though we know that it's not really good compared to many other kids. If that's her best after our coaching and her hard work, we don't want to pressure her to aim for what she cannot achieve. On the other hand, my other child is considered to have done poorly if she loses more than a few marks because she is much stronger at Maths.

[janet88]

Hi simkhoo,

I think my son would be in a better position to convince his father that his not that fantastic results has nothing to do with daddy...most importantly, it is over. How am I going to get this message into his head :frustrated:

[sleepy]

janet_lee88:

I can understand that frustration bcos he has always been the one coaching son in his work since P1. He felt he did not do his part during the crucial PSLE year.

Perhaps it's time to learn to let go. Whether we like it or not, there is only so much hand holding parents can do for child.

[janet88]

sleepy:

janet_lee88:

I can understand that frustration bcos he has always been the one coaching son in his work since P1. He felt he did not do his part during the crucial PSLE year.

Perhaps it's time to learn to let go. Whether we like it or not, there is only so much hand holding parents can do for child.

I wouldn't say let go...perhaps more like moving on...no point holding and thinking about what has happened. Strangely, the person who always tells me to 'move on' is not doing so :scratchhead:

[ammonite]

Perhaps he feels guilty for not sending your son to tuition earlier. Maybe the colleagues are rubbing it in. And no matter what, fathers worry more for sons’ future as breadwinners, and if he saw PSLE as a high stake exam, he may be worrying that he has affected your son’s future prospect. That is a scary and guilt inducing thought for a parent.


I think you can explain this possible angle to your son so that he sees his father’s concern. You are Christians right? You can use religion to help them both move on. It is possible that your son will meet key people at school that will have an impact on his life and worldview.

One of my friends, a GEP student, did badly at O levels and went to a neighborhood JC. He said it opened up his eyes (previously in RI), humbled him, and he made good friends, as well as met his future wife there. He went on to win a prestigious prize n the A levels and a full scholarship to study abroad.

[janet88]

ammonite:

Perhaps he feels guilty for not sending your son to tuition earlier. Maybe the colleagues are rubbing it in. And no matter what, fathers worry more for sons' future as breadwinners, and if he saw PSLE as a high stake exam, he may be worrying that he has affected your son's future prospect. That is a scary and guilt inducing thought for a parent.

Yes...I think you hit on the nail...he is feeling guilty for not sending son for tuition when results hovered around 50 and red zone...on his part, he felt he could still coach but doing soul searching at that time, why did results plunge so low? how could this happen? Warning signs were showing...alarm bells were ringing but he was still saying he can coach. He refused to think of tuition as a solution as it was considered 'premature' at P4/5...he only started having Math tuition in Sec 2 bcos he flunked it.

The other reason for not sending son for tuition was largely because of MONEY. I suggested tuition because time was not on our side and looking at him ponder over the homework daily was not a solution.

[vinegar]

ammonite:

Perhaps he feels guilty for not sending your son to tuition earlier. Maybe the colleagues are rubbing it in. And no matter what, fathers worry more for sons' future as breadwinners, and if he saw PSLE as a high stake exam, he may be worrying that he has affected your son's future prospect. That is a scary and guilt inducing thought for a parent.


I think you can explain this possible angle to your son so that he sees his father's concern. You are Christians right? You can use religion to help them both move on. It is possible that your son will meet key people at school that will have an impact on his life and worldview.

One of my friends, a GEP student, did badly at O levels and went to a neighborhood JC. He said it opened up his eyes (previously in RI), humbled him, and he made good friends, as well as met his future wife there. He went on to win a prestigious prize n the A levels and a full scholarship to study abroad.

it is indeed an inspiring story.thks for sharing

[sharonkhoo]

vinegar:

ammonite:

Perhaps he feels guilty for not sending your son to tuition earlier. Maybe the colleagues are rubbing it in. And no matter what, fathers worry more for sons' future as breadwinners, and if he saw PSLE as a high stake exam, he may be worrying that he has affected your son's future prospect. That is a scary and guilt inducing thought for a parent.


I think you can explain this possible angle to your son so that he sees his father's concern. You are Christians right? You can use religion to help them both move on. It is possible that your son will meet key people at school that will have an impact on his life and worldview.

One of my friends, a GEP student, did badly at O levels and went to a neighborhood JC. He said it opened up his eyes (previously in RI), humbled him, and he made good friends, as well as met his future wife there. He went on to win a prestigious prize n the A levels and a full scholarship to study abroad.

it is indeed an inspiring story.thks for sharing

While I applaud such people who work hard and achieve much, what I fear we lack as a society is stories of people who did not achieve much in terms of status or wealth, but are still happy with their lot. Surely not all the middle section of society are uniformly unhappy that they do not have university degrees or high-paying jobs? I feel rather strongly about this as I have a daughter who has learning issues and will certainly never get that kind of job. We have to encourage her that her life will not be a disaster if she doesn't get to university or get a high-paying job. Our hope for her is that she can make enough to live simply by doing a job she has satisfaction in doing for its own sake.

Just some examples I can think of which I use to encourage my daughter - a cousin who did pretty badly at 'A' levels and couldn't go to university. But she studied graphic arts and although isn't making big bucks, she earns enough to live in an HDB flat and support herself. Another one is a friend who dropped out of school after 'O' levels but was always interested in media, got a job as an assistant in some company and worked through the ranks till he is works in film-making. Again, not big bucks, but he supports a family on his income. Another friend who has a university degree but somehow can't take the stress of a full-time corporate job, so she does freelance editing, earning probably half of what she could if she forced herself to get a 'proper job', but she's happier this way. All the many SAHM who give up incomes to take care of their homes and kids, and not because their husbands all earn so much that they don't feel the loss of income, but because they feel that the benefits to the family of their staying home are worth the sacrifice of living simply on a single income.

Let's have more such examples to hold up to our kids.

[janet88]

All the many SAHM who give up incomes to take care of their homes and kids, and not because their husbands all earn so much that they don’t feel the loss of income, but because they feel that the benefits to the family of their staying home are worth the sacrifice of living simply on a single income.


Thanks for the inspiring post, slmkhoo.