桃花谈

[Giggler1]

Finally finished reading the thread within 2 days.


I would like to thank Insider and the rest who shared their stories.

A lot of things on my mind now and I would need to go through the stories again to digest some of the great pointers.

Feel really fortunate to chance upon this thread and trying to find out how the stories here can help to solve my problems.

Thanks again

[Imami]

insider:

Just go and buy a PiChu (What's that huh?)

that is 貔貅

[Imami]

MMM:

keroppi:

。。。 the PiChu。。。

In Taiwan, they call it tianlu.

The difference between天祿 and 貔貅 lies with the horns. 天祿 has one horn. 貔貅 has two.

[insider]

Imami:

[

The difference between天祿 and 貔貅 lies with the horns. 天祿 has one horn. 貔貅 has two.

errr....honestly I have heard of all these but never really know how they look like...

Maybe just put a hornless insider in a house can also 避邪... (kekeke...)

[Imami]

MintyMin:

ammonite:

He copies because he just wants to get it over and done with. You must try to explain to him that if he does that, the same question mark will crop up again and again, and he is just wasting his own time and effort. The fastest way through is to master the material once and for all. His short cut is the long cut.


Make sure of course that he is not too tired or has too much at one go.

Thanks.

Lots for me to learn.. esp the way i talk n handle my kids.. I wan to be able to tok to them in peace mode n not flared.. tried to suppress it a few times.. but seems so hard.. esp when i m bz...

MintyMin:

It dawn on me that the shoutings n screamings tat i did over the past years.. somehow.. ds is showing it back.. to me n dds.. i feel so bad tat i have somehow 'cultivate' this 'monster' in him..

:hugs: MintyMin.

Each day, we as parents learn something new. Don’t be overly hard on yourself.

When I am busy and in the “do not disturb” mode, I would tell my son,”mummy talk to you later.”. If he doesn’t get it and continue to rattle on, I would repeat the same thing louder. He usually get it at my second try.

Don’t scream at the kids. I know how hard it is but please do try – don’t scream at the kid. When I was screaming/venting (during my dark days), I don’t scream at my son too. Raise your voice a little louder if you really need, but don’t scream. Sooner or later, you will find yourself at the losing end because (1) the kids would get immune to it and (2) they follow you and scream at other people.

Try to talk to your DS. Have a heart to heart talk to sort out the common issues. Recently I have a heart to heart talk with my son as I think he is getting a little unruly. While he is not entirely out of it, I can see that he is trying and that by itself, is good enough. Think of it this way, if it is so difficult for me to change overnight, how can I expect him to change overnight?

[Imami]

concern2:

Is this why it takes the 'right time' and 'right place', the 'right person' then can work - so-called \"缘\"？

From what I observed, the salesmen always succeed in making sales if they continue to knock at the doors. But must have tactic la, if not kenna whack by angry folks.

The right person say/do the right thing at the right time is very important and I believe there is always a time for something to happen.

When I counsel people, I don’t make them feel that their thinking is wrong or they are at fault. Once they sense it (that you are saying they are wrong), they clamp up and that’s it – the door to their soul is closed. I always start by getting them to talk and make a mental note of things I feel that is 转牛角尖。Then I try to rationalize their action/thoughts by saying,”oh, you like that because….”. This will help them to sort their thoughts out without making them feel that we are judging them. When one thinks that he is not being judged upon, one is more willing to share one’s thoughts and they would open up the ‘mental/emotional wall’. It is when they open up their wall that we can gently nudge them in the right direction. A lot of patience is needed too.

[Imami]

insider:

Maybe just put a hornless insider in a house can also 避邪... (kekeke...)

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

[MintyMin]

Imami:

:hugs: MintyMin.

Each day, we as parents learn something new. Don’t be overly hard on yourself.

When I am busy and in the “do not disturb” mode, I would tell my son,”mummy talk to you later.”. If he doesn’t get it and continue to rattle on, I would repeat the same thing louder. He usually get it at my second try.

Don’t scream at the kids. I know how hard it is but please do try – don’t scream at the kid. When I was screaming/venting (during my dark days), I don’t scream at my son too. Raise your voice a little louder if you really need, but don’t scream. Sooner or later, you will find yourself at the losing end because (1) the kids would get immune to it and (2) they follow you and scream at other people.

Try to talk to your DS. Have a heart to heart talk to sort out the common issues. Recently I have a heart to heart talk with my son as I think he is getting a little unruly. While he is not entirely out of it, I can see that he is trying and that by itself, is good enough. Think of it this way, if it is so difficult for me to change overnight, how can I expect him to change overnight?

Thanks Imami.. totally agree... esp the part tat you mentioned tat i've highlighted in RED

When i say.. talk to you later.. they will reply.. later i forget already.. n when i m avail to tok n ask them wat is it that they wan to tell me.. they will get upset tat they have forgotten abt it.. n blame me.. :sad: n most of the time if ds back off either dd1 or dd2 will be the next to want to tok to me.. or complain or fuss abt stuff.. :frustrated:

I can suppress once or twice over the short 30mins.. but if it is 3 times of it.. i flared.. n i noe.. tatz not a good reason to flare.. but i can't help it.. sigh..

So tis days.. i will tell myself... 忍忍忍... duno if tis is good or not.. but ever since reading the postings by Insider n you n others... i realised not ez.. but still have to do..

[Imami]

MintyMin:

When i say.. talk to you later.. they will reply.. later i forget already.. n when i m avail to tok n ask them wat is it that they wan to tell me.. they will get upset tat they have forgotten abt it.. n blame me.. :sad: n most of the time if ds back off either dd1 or dd2 will be the next to want to tok to me.. or complain or fuss abt stuff.. :frustrated:

I can suppress once or twice over the short 30mins.. but if it is 3 times of it.. i flared.. n i noe.. tatz not a good reason to flare.. but i can't help it.. sigh..

If they feel that that is important enough to tell you, then they would surely remember.

If 3 times in 30 min is too hard, then make sure 2 times in 30 min u sure can do it. one day, you would be at “if 2-3 times in 30min, I still can suppress”. Set smaller goal, then work towards it.

[insider]

keroppi:

So what you are saying is that if it comes true, it comes true but don't dwell on it as it will not help. If i don't think about it, the bad seed will stop growing on me?

Don't dwell on anything coz dwelling on anything will not help in anything...

As said before, if your son really has the 'accident' seed, it may mature or it may not mature. But if you keep dwelling on it, you are actually 'activating' the seed (if it is really there), thereby making it maturing faster (when actually he has the chance to 'eliminate' it or soften the impact if he can acquire kindness gradually).

Since the thought (念）is already planted in your head and it is unlikely that you can get over it, so just go and buy the BiChu to make you feel better that the BiChu can 挡煞. With the Bichu, nothing actually really changes but your 念 change = the seed will take its time to mature instead of pre-maturing...

PS:
basically one's 念 is either a 'blessing' or a 'curse'. So try to think of only good things and stop 'imagining' bad things. I can share that my 念 is very powerful and like almost every time, I can get what I want just by having a 念. So, I am very very cautious of not to have negative 念 coz I know I get what I think...