桃花谈
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ammonite:
Poor girl. I know an uneducated woman who accepted her lesbian daughter whole heartedly and her daughter always tell me, 妈妈最好。 she gives her mother money every month and takes her for holidays and to expensive restaurants. Her girlfriend will also drive her mother to and from airport. It is as if she has two very filial daughters instead of one.
This girl is from a reputable girls' school and even the teachers are trying to help.
Her parents are highly educated type.
Sometimes it makes me wonder whether the more uneducated a person is may mean the lesser 无明 a person may have and vice versa.
The education that most of us have - does it really translate into more happiness or more burden??? -
Imami:
No, not really. I listen to the explanation because I myself dunno 三字经 well. Some of the verses I know but some I dun understand. Listening to the explanation is to complete my understanding.
So once u listen to the explanation version.. u will explain to ur ds?MintyMin:
[quote=\"Imami\"]I started with a CD from Popular, about $18. It’s called 说说唱唱I think. There are other CDs in the same series – multiplication, hanyu pin yin, 遍旁部首，弟子规etc.
In the 三字经cd, they have the recital version (an adult would recite and then a group of children would repeat), the song version (one person would sing with music) and explanation version (An adult would recite followed by explanation)
I listen to the explanation version. My son listens to the recital and the song version. Come with recital cards and summary card. Well worth the money.
For my son, I don’t really explain to him word by word. At his age and the fact that he cant read all the words in 三字经, being able to recite the whole thing is good enough. I would only explain when
1.\the come to me to ask about one or two verses
2.\ta scenario he is in which I can ‘show him the way’ with the 三字经 verses.
1.\tTake for instance recently he said he was keen to pick up drum, art and chess class. I told him the time has not arrived and that I do not think he has much bandwidth to learn so many things. He was defensive and said he could learn everything/anything he wanted (what a ya ya papaya!). Instead of getting into an argument with him, I gave him 12 words 若广学，惧其繁。但略说，能知原.
He: why you tell me that?
Me: do you know what have I just said?
He: 三字经 lor
Me: correct. 若广学，惧其繁。但略说，能知原. It means we cannot learn everything because there is just so much to learn. So long as we know a bit of everything it will be good enough
He backed off after thinking for a while.[/quote]Hi Imami,
Thanks! I will go look in popular today..
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insider:
OK, let's revise my Money Bowl Theory in 2009:
1.\tEveryone comes to this world more or less with a Money Bowl of a relatively fixed size. Person A may come with a Size $10,000, Person B $100,000, Person C $1,000,000, etc. This means if Person A tries and tries to thrift and save and eventually reaches $11,000, something will happen to let the extra $1,000 flows out, be it involving in a car accident, losing a wallet, someone falls sick in a family, etc. This further means good to know the size of your Money Bowl and works around that size and not to force in a way… (don’t ask me how to know the size of one’s Money Bowl. Usually one will know himself when seeing his money going in and out, out and in…)....
Insider jie
Is there such things as a negative money bowl?? Cos I notice that whenever I clear a loan (be it credit cards o/s or other loan o/s), somethings will happen to make me incurred another loan o/s (someone fell sick or hospitalise, some big item electrical or furniture needs replacement.....). -
kwk9060:
Hi kwk,
Is there such things as a negative money bowl?? Cos I notice that whenever I clear a loan (be it credit cards o/s or other loan o/s), somethings will happen to make me incurred another loan o/s (someone fell sick or hospitalise, some big item electrical or furniture needs replacement.....).
emmm...i no 灵感 to talk about $$$$ and so I will KIV your query to perhaps next time... -
Re-opening the case that I stopped half way at pg 35 as Mummy X wrote a very lengthy story and so try not to disappoint her with non reply.
Part 3
Mum X’s more detailed background:
- Own mum has a broken marriage with an abusive husband and encouraged /advised /提醒 her to marry a ‘gentle’ man when she was young.
- When she was younger, husband was a ‘gentle’ man and she married coz of this ‘characteristic’ plus his hot pursuit.
- She felt something not right, as in she doesn’t love her partner, during wedding day but too late to turn back.
- At wedding night, husband couldn’t ‘perform’.
- Couple used medical help to conceive a kid. Couple’s sexual life from thereon is minimal.
- She strives very hard after marriage and becomes successful in career probably making a few hundred thousand per year.
- One of her Masters told her that with her marriage, she will prosper but her husband will suffer ‘decline’. The other Master advised divorce.
- Husband indirectly enjoys her hard labour, becoming complacent and nonchalant.
- She is now sort of like a ‘white collar’ and he ‘blue collar’.
- Both have almost like nothing to communicate – like between Victoria with her secrets and an Ah Beng.
- Husband has turned to be vulgar and rough, demonstrating low EQ whenever he is in social talk with her friends / acquaintance. She feels tremendous shame and embarrassment if she were to be present with him in any social occasion.
- Couple has no common friends, with one having higher profile circle and one loitering in kopitiam.
- Originally teenage kid objected divorce but husband hit him and now he hates his dad. Father-son relationship is bad.
- Mum's living a higher flier lifestyle with branded goods and luxourious car. However, she almost like has no friends.
- Mum struggling with divorce decision coz of: guilt (like ‘discard’ someone after one gets successful), worry about karma (that after divorce, she may lost all her wealth), son will not have a father, she cannot handle others’ gossips if she ever divorces, etc.
- Basically, mum is confused over destiny and karma and therefore undecisive about decision and that has been going on for 10 over years.
- She has been keeping all these to herself coz of the sense of shame = minimal or no friends at all around her.
To be continued.
PS Mummy X: I have a close friend who seems to go through about the same journey as you. 80% of story is like identical and I always feel why would such an intelligent woman choose to live in hell. Will share her story when I analyse yours together when i am free.
PS2: Readers please just read for this case and don’t add on to it. Can digest the information and form your ‘opinion’ (why her destiny is like this, what should she do, etc, by using the 'knowledge' you 'learnt' so far) and then we may discuss it as a ‘case study’ if we want after my full version.
Again today is Friday and I may take a few days to finish this case coz quite complex. -
Mummy X - Part 4
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In my ‘imagination’, you should be someone who looks like 张曼玉. Not exactly pretty, with high cheekbones, sharper face, fair, and slim. Someone with 气质 (got 气质 is more attractive than being mere pretty). Usually this kind of ‘face’ = can’t marry well or becomes someone’s mistress = typical of a 红颜薄命 case.
My once-closed friend Z is this kind. She used to have many suitors. She chose and chose and at the end she chose to marry a very rich but vulgar man with low education.
Z’s husband is her childhood sweetheart. They separated when she went overseas to pursue her studies. In between the 20 years, she met many men but never got to settle down. Though successful and relatively wealthy on her own, she was sort of in a ‘panic mode’ when she was close to 40 and still coundn’t settle down. By ‘luck’, she met her childhood sweetheart back again. This man drove a Porche and lives in a bungalow. He wooed her like anything. He proposed and they got married.
The night before her wedding, she called me and cried, telling me that she didn’t want to marry and she felt that the whole wedding was a wrong decision. I advised her to back off from the wedding. But she said her husband would kill her if she ever did that.
Even before she decided to marry, I had told her time and again that this man is not suitable for her. There was once we ate in a fine dining places. The waiter accidentally spilt water and the then boyfriend went into loud “XYZ” mode in Hokkien, right in a high class dining place with all the guests staring at us with the commotion. That impression was very lasting for me as then boyfriend apparently has foul temper and bad social manners, and therefore is definitely not compatible with my this friend who wears three inch heels, carries Chanel, puts on silk, applies full make up always, etc.
So, they wedded and subsequently have a son.
Her wedding gifts from her husband if I remember correctly were another Porche and a house. But she NEVER seems to be happy. She feels ashame of being seen in proper social light with her husband, esp after one time he cursed all the Hokkien vulgarities of 瓶你老母, etc at someone during a minor dispute. She gave up going out with husband to meet friends whenever possible.
This couple has very little in common. My friend used to hold a high flier job but she quit coz it is really not necessary for her to work and her husband wants to stop any man from talking to his wife. She is given sort of unlimited amount of cash to spend, in anyway that she likes, from her husband.
She is very lonely. So, she concentrated in grooming her only son whom I feel is a bit ‘weird’ kind. The son turned up to be a ‘genius’ with super memory. But this son seldom talks. He has a pair of piercing eyes that if one were to observe his ice-cutting 眼神 carefully, one may literally shiver. I ever advised her that her son is not so ‘normal’ and have to take care of his emotional development above anything else.
But being emotionally unstable herself, she has very little to offer to her own son. Being a genius means sort of her son needs very little of her guidance (she researched a lot on how to raise genius and her son type is don’t need much guidance). He will stay in the room to read and read on own since about 5 years old and he keeps strictly to himself with minimal words. She told me that she never gets a chance to understand her son coz her son simply will not talk about anything involving emotions (but can talk about very chim scientific stuff of atoms this atoms that).
She continues to live in her glass tower. When she was still working, she almost went into an EMA that I warned her ‘NO’, that if she wanted another relationship, she needs to divorce first else CANNOT.
She jolly well know the consequences of if her husband really catches her in an EMA, what the husband will do to her. Her husband is that sort who is capable of murder everyone and then kill himself kind. He is not really a man to tussle with if one is not strong enough.
Basically, she is TRAPPED.
I know this friend for more than 10 years before I ‘broke off’ with her many years ago. She is the only one whom I broke off among my tens of close friends.
I did that coz her husband scolded me very badly over some incidence. The scolding include the 瓶xxx vulgarities. He used a lot of things that he knew about me to hurt me that I had to walk out of his house in front of many guests crying (that was one of the very rare moments in my life that I was so defeated).
My friend was apologetic of her husband’s behavior and she tried many times to patch us back. But in my mind I was thinking that her husband will not change and such scenario will happen again. The bad blood is there and so I don’t need to be sandwiched between them to make them quarrel or whatsoever.
I slowly distant myself from her and now it’s totally no contact. This is the ONLY ONE in my life whom I didn’t patch back… (coz I weighed and feel it’s of overall not much of a significance but maybe later part I may still go and shake hands with them again.)
To be cont…
PS: My friend’s family is unlikely to last. I am not cursing her but I believe I will receive news of her family members via obituary one of these days. Her house got too much 杀气 that is very bad for everyone, incl that son who is growing up… -
insider:
Another pretty lady also ill luck fate in love is famous singer Theresa Teng who died young, early 40s.
In my ‘imagination’, you should be someone who looks like 张曼玉. Not exactly pretty, with high cheekbones, sharper face, fair, and slim. Someone with 气质 (got 气质 is more attractive than being mere pretty). Usually this kind of ‘face’ = can’t marry well or becomes someone’s mistress = typical of a 红颜薄命 case. -
Mummy X - Part 5
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Given the limited info that I have, I can see:
- the bad seed was planted by your mum and your dad. Though you didn’t say much about your dad other than he was abusive to your mum, I ‘guess’ that your relationship with your dad is poor. Perhaps, he is no longer around. (if you can, write to me something about your relationship with your dad and whether he is still around).
- when your mum kept reminding you to try to marry only a ‘gentle’ man, a quality that your dad doesn’t seem to have, she had indirectly planted in you what a ‘non-gentle’ man will be like (anyway, you had first hand knowledge of what a such person will be like by looking at your dad). In your mind, perhaps you were DETERMINED not to marry someone like him.
- so you went on to try to get a ‘gentle’ man and indeed you got yourself one, which is the husband when you first knew him as someone ‘gentle’. You thought that you had successfully got away from the ill fate of marrying someone like your dad.
- your husband seemed to be quite OK when you first knew him. What I can see is that he was ‘summoned’ to you by one of your activated seeds. He managed to mask himself as a ‘gentle’ man coz your ‘aura’ ‘taught/told’ him to behave so.
- as you cannot accept your dad as who he is or perhaps even ever tries to understand him and accept him as what he is, you might have chosen the ‘escape’ route to run to any man available at that time. Anyone perhaps is better than your dad. Your mum had failed in this sense to resolve her relationship with your dad and therefore in a way, you suffer (I am not blaming your mum here as she is likely to have a large patch of 无明 which is not really her fault). Without good 慧根 yourself and coupled with your mum feeding on more 无明 into you, you mistook the 烂桃花 as your 真命天子. (remark: the right thing for your mum to do is to tell you that whatever sufferings she has with your dad is her problems between the two of them. She should not feed you with any fears of marrying someone like your dad directly or indirectly coz that will constitute sowing bad seeds).
- as your husband appeared to be ‘gentle’, probably if compared to your dad, you decided on him though there was a certain part in you still could sense that he is not the right guy (when you regretted on your wedding day). You are not totally ‘blind’ in that sense but just like my friend Z, both of you are not strong enough.
- then you married and your husband is sort of impotent. The ‘seed’ of when someone marries another one is impotent if don’t base on science, is that this someone is either highly sex or find sex highly disgusting. This extreme sexual desire is a seed that can turn the other party into the ‘non-functioning mode’ or attracts someone with such a ‘mode’. For example, if someone carries a negative seed of having unsatisfying sexual life, then she will attract someone who will give her negative sexual life. If you are highly sex but you don’t have the 福分 to have a quality sexual life, there you will meet a husband like yours. If you find sex highly disgusting, then your such ‘seed’ will activate your husband’s seed and thereby causing him to be impotent. For this part, you hv to analyse your own sexual drive coz the fault may not really lie with him. Reflect on your own sexual development journey from young and what kind of imprints you have had during your growing up years. You have to resolve this else you may not have any satisfying sexual experiences in your life at all (which is quite a ‘waste’).
- gradually this man turns into someone like your dad and you resume kind of like your mum’s position which seems like the history is repeating itself. (really I am sighing…)
To be continued…
PS: On second thought, I think Mummy X doesn’t look that attractive but her husband is good looking… (for my friend Z’s case, her husband is the rich but not-good-looking one and she’s the pretty one). Usually there’s a ‘balance’ somewhere coz God most of the time is very fair…(actually it’s no good to be rich and good looking and ideally should only carry one of these traits). -
Mummy X - Part 6
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- Your husband begins to ‘evolve’ into the person whom in your subconsciousness that you dislike coz Seedling Theory always has it that you will keep meeting the kind of person whom you dislike until you can 'forgive' or 'accept' that person.
- Neverthesless, he ‘compensates’ this ‘irritation’ with activating your positive seeds pertaining to money (but you seem to be very into Fengshui and so all these ‘activations’ can be a result of your 风水阵. The Fengshui that you activated in your house ‘masked’ the natural energy flow to allow things to be ‘seen’ more clearly.
- Since you are into fengshui, I suspect your Master/s have arranged the items more to your benefits than to his benefits = your good seeds are activated maybe to his detriment; meaning you are taking ‘advantage’ of good money flow at his expense.
- Your rising Qi can be at his expense of declining Qi – you grow stronger and he grows weaker, resulting in the distance between the both of you getting further. So basically, you are ‘sucking’ his Qi in a way.
- The best thing is to do is to appreciate and accept him for ‘damning’ himself to make you accomplished. This is highly difficult to do as you detest him so much and your child too.
- If you cannot bring yourself you accept him (by treating him in a 心平气和 manner) but have to everyday like living in land mines together with your child, then you may to accept that you FAIL the test and to consider divorce (when you ‘fail’ the test, it means someone similar will come again to test you, until you ‘pass’ the test. You can only avoid or soften the suffering of a ‘re-test’ if you do good deeds. It is the same like my mum ‘passed’ her test with my drug addict brother when she suffered for about 30 years for his drug addiction behaviours; when she 不离不弃 、无怨无悔, standing besides him no matter what kind of nonsense my brother did when he was in the ‘high’ mood until the day he was saved by God’s grace and turned into a new leaf. I witnessed this ‘remarkable’ journey of my mum, knowing first hand what it means by ‘suffering’ and ‘accepting’ ‘fate’ unconditionally).
- Now if you want to divorce, first you need to know the biggest 魔 in you is the money. This item brings you A LOT of 无明 as you seem can’t see that it brings you more pain than joy. If you were to refer to my post on Pg 57 (10.28 am):insider:
You need to think calmly and objectively to form a GUIDING PRINCIPLE. For me, that GUIDING PRINCIPLE should be to have a happy life yourself and your son can be ‘redeemed’ from all those terrible bad seeds that both you and your husband have been planted into him (remark: your son should have been badly ‘seeded’ by now and these seeds if you don’t try to do something will mature into tumour next time).Need to 看透 荣华富贵 = nothing, then can 随遇而安 = can ‘hahaha’ in most part of life. People like me if I were to be put to live in the mud I also will find ways to be happy…
.
- If the Guiding Principle is Happy Life but Money can’t really bring you happiness, so you have to let go of your money. You should not be worried about after the divorce, your career and money will go downhill. If they really have to go downhill, then so be it. You have to bite the bullet if you have to take those ‘suppressed’ bad seeds that may mature after your divorce (remark: suppressed by Fengshui) coz those bad seeds will mature sooner or later anyway. Now if they mature maybe better than they maturing when you are at your older age. You have to form a Guiding Principle then to achieve this within your means at all cost coz to be a Guiding Principle = the most important thing = other things are not as important and can be foregone.
- Go inform your child about your intention to get a divorce (not seeking his advice but is a ‘notice) and ask him for his opinions of how you should go ahead. Listen to what he has to say. Share with him that you and daddy really cannot get along even though last time you did love him very much. Explain to him as clearly as possible your emotions of changes happened in you and in him and it’s nobody’s fault but a mere case of irreconcilable differences. Ask for his understanding. You maybe surprised that he may have the strength to ‘console’ you and give you strength. Nowadays kiddos are stronger and more intelligent than what we think they are capable of.
- One of your biggest weaknesses is you dare not let others know about your weaknesses. Somehow, you pretend to be strong when you are actually not. It’s really no shame to display weaknesses, esp in front of our loved ones. The same as our loved ones can display their weaknesses in front of us and we will not laugh at / mock them. This ‘pride’ is never necessary. We help each other at moments of weaknesses or how else we can conjure / make use of the power of 仁 in us. Do not deprive others from helping you. Do not keep having this negative thought that others will laugh at you coz those are really your unnecessary 无明 that let you bear the sorrows and suffers alone for so long.
- After talking to your kid, talk to your husband calmly about your decision of a divorce (again, here is a ‘notice’ and not a ‘choice’). He may or may not agree. Pls NEVER raise your voice in the discussion. Tell him the same thing that you feel it harms the kid if everyone were to stay together and therefore you want out. Tell him you appreciate him for giving you the wonderful child and you hope that the child can continue to grow emotionally in a healthier way for the good for everyone. The crux of the whole discussion will be for the benefit of your child (which is not a lie). Offer him about 20% of your assets (don’t be ‘stingy’) and let him ‘bargain’ to about 30% (or even 40%).
- If giving him 30% of your assets can bring you peacefulness and perhaps happiness, it’s the BEST VALUE FOR MONEY THING that you'll ever spend. Just pay and probably you will make back more.
- Overall, you must acknowledge that though this man seems ‘useless’, he gave you a child and probably let you ‘suck’ his Qi to be how much financially you worth today. You may not be able to see it, but he is the ‘indirect’ contributor of your wealth. So, you have to ‘thank’ him, and I mean sincerely thanking him.
- You don’t seem to have a very good 仁 in you which I foresee will be the problem when you are with him in the ‘negotiation’ table. When you lack of 仁, the other party will not surrender himself to you coz you lack ‘sincerity’. So, I am not sure how successful you will be when discussing with him. Nevertheless, at least you show him how much you are willing to give him and in a way, hopefully he will appreciate and walk away to start his new life.
- I have a hunch if he can walk away, he will be happily remarried coz his energy will not be sucked away anymore and he is able to be himself again. God knows he will recover from his ‘impotence’. He requires this 慧根 to accept your ‘proposal’ and to part amicably. Only if you can really think through to know how much he has also suffered while with you and thank him sincerely then the 仁 part of you will shine and his 慧根 will be lightened to accept it and walk away.
- So you can save your breath of talking to him until the day that you are parting with 30% of your assets WILLINGLY and not grudgingly. If you still 不舍得 that 30%, then you still cannot talk coz it’s unlikely to bring you anywhere and maybe matter may go worst. There's simply no way that you 不肯舍 but you want to 得. It simple cannot 'balance'...
- The ball is in your court coz the mind is yours to ponder about how much your peacefulness and happiness really worth. Money is really nothing if it cannot bring happiness. Your main blind spot is really Money, the 荣华富贵, which is similar to my friend Z. So what driving a Porche and living in a Glass Tower (her bungalow is really a glass tower) with the soul imprisoned? You ladies are really capable to have more fulfilling lives than that even with a much reduction of such wealthy comfort…
To be continued….
PS:
I just returned from a 'negotiation table'.
I have two close friends, quit their jobs years ago and joint ventured a small business.
Three years down the road, the business was not doing well and can only survive if one of them quit the common company (each of them drawing $5000 salary per month and the monthly profit was only sufficient to sustain one salary and not two salaries).
So Friend A resigned as a Director of the company and worked outside while Friend B continues to run the business.
Legally speaking, B is supposed to buy over the shares of A at about $60,000 but she claimed company has not been making and since A chose to walk out and left the 烂摊子 to her, she would not want to pay.
Each has her own version of story to tell and both are upset with each other and this thing has been dragging on for about a year.
So, I acted as a middleman lor, with both agreed to settle the amount at $30,000 with B paying A in 24 months installments. Two of them parted amicably and APPRECIATIVELY of each other, and we will be meeting again for the next birthday party.
These two are not 'poor' people and I don't understand how come can because of $60,000 and don't speak to each other nicely for about a year...(I always think our friendship worth much more than that!!!) -
insider,
u r right.The man we chose to marry somehow influence by our parents n also ex-bf?
no matter how nice my ex-bf treated me(really VERY nice)for years,i’ve to give him up coz he reminds me of my father–too generous until no savings.I witness how my mum struggled to keep the family,financially.
I do not wanna history repeats on me.Thus,I made a quick U-turn n married my DH despite only knew him for few mths.I nvr regret despite we’ve occasional disagreement.
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