Club SAHM
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buds,
thks for offering help.For me,it is not the matter of having more time for myself,it is more of having more time wf my DH.
i can sneak out 1 or 2hours to do quick shopping or exercise when kid out for tuition.
but having meal wf DH is out of question coz no caregiver n DH not keen. -
I told my boss when I returned to work after 2 years as a SAHM (1st time) that I was a good SAHM but a lousy housewife. I still think I'm a lousy housewife. DH is still very hands-off but he's grown to expect that I won't and can't do everything. He and MIL can have their complaints but really it falls on my deaf ears. I'd rather keep my sanity.
The one thing that irritates me is his temper. Blasting at me just becoz he is stressed over work or something is unacceptable. I think this has more to do with his upbringing cos I've witnessed how ILs shout and yell at each other. Talking it over does not work with him, cos it'll happen again. So sometimes, I get him to pay a penalty ( get a gift ) before I accept his apology. Usually to show his appreciation and I'd consider it an advance / belated birthday / anniversary gift ( cos we stopped exchanging gifts for many many years ) Don't :heresmyfish:. Of course, I can get the gift myself but then it won't be a deterrent for him. May not be the best way but can't think of better way. -
buds:
Dearest Buds,TheAnswer, i used to earn slightly more than hubs too. I try not to engage in any rants pertaining to job fulfillment (I loved my job tremendously!) or of any pay raise/appraisal if i can help it. I offer to pay for meals out during outings.. belanja his and my families out for family makans.. and also arrange for our family hols. It's like indirectly saying if we got more, we can splurge a bit more.... on everyone. Good things must share.
Whether or not they appreciate, it was my sincere contribution.
So i don't let any http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php get to me. Just brush everything aside as http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php.
When i just graduated, I was making around $500 more than him every month. I kept to simple pleasures (no branded goods because he feels inadequate when I buy them even if I am paying out of my own pocket). I know he is unbalanced cos I am financially so much better than him. Currently, I am making around 3K more than him. Usually I pay when we go to more expensive restaurants (usually once a month). I do not mind paying at all. On weekends, he will usually want to cook at home. Yes, he can cook and clean plus housework if I arrow him. Ok, I try to look at his plus points. Both of us love hawker food and food courts also.
But sometimes he really piss me off so much so that I hurt his ego unknowingly. On good days, everything is really great. He can be sweet and all that. Everything was at peace until last night. When work gives him hell, he gives me hell. I do agree with you not to ask about work. I will try harder next time. Last night I was overwhelmed so things kinda came out wrongly. For now, he is not back yet. Friday nights are cycling nights with buddies. I see how later. Maybe make small talk. He should be in better mood later. Usually after exercise he feels better. Maybe can treat him to his favorite unhealthy home fried nuggets and fries + a can of coke light. He is like a big kid! -
vinegar:
How about scheduling your DC's classes on weekends?buds,
thks for offering help.For me,it is not the matter of having more time for myself,it is more of having more time wf my DH.
i can sneak out 1 or 2hours to do quick shopping or exercise when kid out for tuition.
but having meal wf DH is out of question coz no caregiver n DH not keen.
DH and I spend some time alone at cafes and restaurants whilst DS2 is attending classes. Cos some of the places have parking issues, usually both of us need to send him... One drives and waits whilst the other sends or fetches DS2. -
TheAnswer:
reconciled? no la...i all along very good relationship wf my mum,despite she sayang my brother more.what i mean is i told her how appreciative i am,for the things she had done for me.Before i become sahm,i used to take thing for granted...didn't realise even making a bowl of soup takes such great effort.
Glad you reconciled with your mum. Heart warming. I also love my mummy more now.vinegar:
somehow,when i think of my mum,i think i deserve it to be treated this way by my DH.
I remember my mum ever told me tat u don't think working is big shark,SAHM also has lots of things to do.I nvr realise it till i married.I apologised to my mum. -
vinegar:
reconciled? no la...i all along very good relationship wf my mum,despite she sayang my brother more.what i mean is i told her how appreciative i am,for the things she had done for me.Before i become sahm,i used to take thing for granted...didn't realise even making a bowl of soup takes such great effort.[/quote]Ic. Yeah, same here. Took a lot of things for granted when I was younger.
Glad you reconciled with your mum. Heart warming. I also love my mummy more now.TheAnswer:
[quote=\"vinegar\"]somehow,when i think of my mum,i think i deserve it to be treated this way by my DH.
I remember my mum ever told me tat u don't think working is big shark,SAHM also has lots of things to do.I nvr realise it till i married.I apologised to my mum. -
KSmom8:
DC hv tuition/cca during wkdays,refuse to hv wkend tuition.Furthermore,wkend slots all taken up...long waiting list..
How about scheduling your DC's classes on weekends?vinegar:
buds,
thks for offering help.For me,it is not the matter of having more time for myself,it is more of having more time wf my DH.
i can sneak out 1 or 2hours to do quick shopping or exercise when kid out for tuition.
but having meal wf DH is out of question coz no caregiver n DH not keen.
DH and I spend some time alone at cafes and restaurants whilst DS2 is attending classes. Cos some of the places have parking issues, usually both of us need to send him... One drives and waits whilst the other sends or fetches DS2.
anyway,now think back,i also don't really enjoy having meals wf DH.Last time yes,now no...coz he nid to entertain phone calls fr. his employee or MIL. -
buds:
Vinegar, don't let him pick anymore until no bones left. .
haha....indeed......no bone oredi...left skin...hehe...
now before serving his dinner,i always say,\"if too much rice/vege,then leave it there,i can eat tmr.\"
my DH does help out in housework.But i try to reject his help,coz i worry he tired,accusing me of not being supportive or later he keeps complaining. -
vinegar:
I never reject when DH offer to help with housework. In fact, I will only be too happy. :rahrah:buds:
Vinegar, don't let him pick anymore until no bones left. .
haha....indeed......no bone oredi...left skin...hehe...
now before serving his dinner,i always say,\"if too much rice/vege,then leave it there,i can eat tmr.\"
my DH does help out in housework.But i try to reject his help,coz i worry he tired,accusing me of not being supportive or later he keeps complaining. -
Yes. Never reject when your spouse wants to chip in. He is trying to \"support\" you by offering. Let him. This way you will feel supported and your load lightened. He gets to show you that as a hubby he is trying to be involved.
@ vinegar... i find that your case is more a communication problem more than anything. Because you have allowed the bone to be picked on far too long, you have resigned to what you think is your destiny. You have to think positive if you want to get out of the rut and of course you have to try something (or everything) if you truly want your relationship with your DH to improve over the course of the coming weeks and months and hopefully over the years as husband and wife. If you let it be how it is now status quo and accept your fate like it's jinxed then no matter who advises you or who tries to help you... it will never work because you are not open to actually solving the issues at hand. It will always be just ranting. Improve your quality of life. Try. Life is too short to throw it away just like that. Life can be better if you push forward positively. No one in this thread has not gone through rough times with our hubbies. Myself included. In fact, I should've got to know ammonite earlier so i would be privy to her pan idea.
I may have saved myself a couple of years of anguish and lost youth. But oh well... it's all done now and i cannot look back in regret. The only way is forward since this is still the man i chose to be with despite having a choice to get out. This time though i think i need to stock up on more pans. Is there a sale for pans this March hols?
:rubhands:
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