don't really know how to talk to wife

[vinegar]

Jennifer:

vinegar:

嗲 confirms not work on my DH.He finds it hypocrite.

I usu. speak in a matter of fact tone = not 温柔又体贴 in his eyes (maybe)

I speak at a soft tone = he cant hear me = I suspect he was not paying attention.

I speak at a loud tone = I am fierce

I also dunno how liao

:goodpost:

[sleepy]

TheAnswer:

Jennifer:

[quote=\"sleepy\"]Just 嗲 your way through.

Is there a SOP for this skill?

Sleepy,
Please teach me the skill.[/quote]It's kind of hard to explain le. I try my best to describe...

The two things to remember are words of affirmation & physical touch (love languages). Must work in pair

Words of affirmation. I feel that men are like children. All children want to be good in their parents eyes. So as husbands, subconsciously they do want to please their wives too. With words of affirmation, they know they are pleasing you and will continue with their effort.

Give him full attention when he's talking. Can be about his day at work, his golf game, his newly acquired abs, whatever topic. Look for opportunities to say something positive. That way, he will always be eager to share about his day with me & I won't be left out of his life
Say for instance dh got 2 birdies and a par at this recent golf session & I look at him admirably & go 'wow, you played so well' something along that line la.
Say for instance dh tried a new restaurant with his colleagues and brought me there to try subsequently. Show appreciation like 'oh, the ambience is so nice here' even if the food is only not as great as I thought. Get my drift? Basically refrain from 波冷水

Words of affirmation must be coupled with physical touch, plenty of physical touch.

Say for instance when drinking coffee or having meals, I always choose to sit next to him if the restaurant seating allows. Then while we're having a conversation, I can trace my finger along his forearm or caress his cheek at the same time.

Don't be afraid to act spoiled and childish with him.
Say for instance while he's standing at the kitchen basin washing dishes, I will hug his back (physical touch) and say thank you for helping with the dishes (words of affirmation), plant a kiss (physcial touch) at his back and then bounce back to my room to continue surfing kiasuparents Or demand him to 抱抱 while he's in the middle of making milk for kids or during tv commerical breaks or even interrupt him when he's playing games on his windows phone.

Not one-off thingy. I do that all year round. Give him plenty of attention.

And when he's blissfully happy, he won't find faults with me. Even my tardiness and lack of domestic skills are kind cute and adorable in his eyes. Oh, & what comes naturally too is - my wish is his command :please:

[BeContented]

sleepy:

TheAnswer:

[quote=\"Jennifer\"]

Is there a SOP for this skill?

Sleepy,
Please teach me the skill.

It's kind of hard to explain le. I try my best to describe...

The two things to remember are words of affirmation & physical touch (love languages). Must work in pair

Words of affirmation. I feel that men are like children. All children want to be good in their parents eyes. So as husbands, subconsciously they do want to please their wives too. With words of affirmation, they know they are pleasing you and will continue with their effort.

Give him full attention when he's talking. Can be about his day at work, his golf game, his newly acquired abs, whatever topic. Look for opportunities to say something positive. That way, he will always be eager to share about his day with me & I won't be left out of his life
Say for instance dh got 2 birdies and a par at this recent golf session & I look at him admirably & go 'wow, you played so well' something along that line la.
Say for instance dh tried a new restaurant with his colleagues and brought me there to try subsequently. Show appreciation like 'oh, the ambience is so nice here' even if the food is only not as great as I thought. Get my drift? Basically refrain from 波冷水

Words of affirmation must be coupled with physical touch, plenty of physical touch.

Say for instance when drinking coffee or having meals, I always choose to sit next to him if the restaurant seating allows. Then while we're having a conversation, I can trace my finger along his forearm or caress his cheek or at the same time.

Don't be afraid to act spoiled and childish with him.
Say for instance while he's standing at the kitchen basin washing dishes, I will hug his back (physical touch) and say thank you for helping with the dishes (words of affirmation), plant a kiss (physcial touch) at his back and then bounce back to my room to continue surfing kiasuparents Or demand him to 抱抱 while he's in the middle of making milk for kids or during tv commerical breaks or even interrupt him when he's playing games on his windows phone.

Not one-off thingy. I do that at least 360 days. Give him plenty of attention.

And when he's blissfully happy, he won't find faults with me. Even my tardiness and lack of domestic skills are kind cute and adorable in his eyes. Oh, & what comes naturally too is - my wish is his command :please:[/quote]From the expert
Must learn.

But sometimes, for someone big & chunky like me, who is hardly demure.....both of us will puke :sick: if I act cute or 嗲。 :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

[vinegar]

BeContented:

But sometimes, for someone big & chunky like me, who is hardly demure.....both of us will puke :sick: if I act cute or 嗲。 :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

not true...my DH's SIL very big size....act cute n her fav gesture is to whisper to her husband.Her husband likes it leh....treat her like godness

Once saw her 嗲 my PIL,act cute n stamp her feets while walking.DH so worry she would spoil the staircase

[sleepy]

Contrary to popular beliefs, to be 嗲, it's not necessary to fake a 娃娃音 or dress sexily

(or stamp feet :rotflmao: in vinegar's example)


You can speak in your usual tone la, just be milder and never never talk louder than your hubby.



And of course try to be a little more excessive & expressive on the 甜言蜜语 aspect :snuggles:

[sharonkhoo]

Some men don’t like the ‘cute and childish’ tone and style - my husband is one of them! But words of affirmation and giving attention are very important to him. He doesn’t like to think that he plays 2nd fiddle to the kids, especially now they are teens and should be more independent, so I make time to listen to him when he wants to talk to me, and tell the kids to wait. When they were smaller, I would set them something to do so I could give him a few minutes, at least. I would say that the main thing is to know what your huband likes and responds positively to, and a good book to read is Chapman’s "Five Love Languages". There’s a website too, I think. Similarly, not all women react the same way - gifts don’t do much for me at all, but I appreciate consideration and attention.

[sleepy]

slmkhoo:

gifts don't do much for me at all, but I appreciate consideration and attention.

Same here. Not high on gifts.

I prefer act of service. So I feel love when he's helping out in house chores, buy food for me, make my morning coffee and bedtime milo for me. And of course I like plenty of his attention :please:

He always says he got the shorter end of the stick. Because he needs to sweat (iron, mopping, wash dishes) to make me feel love but I only need to sweet talk him & no need to scrub floor :rotflmao:

[vinegar]

sleepy:

slmkhoo:

gifts don't do much for me at all, but I appreciate consideration and attention.

Same here. Not high on gifts.

I prefer act of service. So I feel love when he's helping out in house chores, buy food for me, make my morning coffee and bedtime milo for me. And of course I like plenty of his attention :please:

He always says he got the shorter end of the stick. Because he needs to sweat (iron, mopping, wash dishes) to make me feel love but I only need to sweet talk him & no need to scrub floor :rotflmao:

DH helps out in hsework occasionally.Morning coffee or bedtime milo for me?Next life i think :sad: .....I even hv to cook for him n sent him to work, during my pregnancy.

[vinegar]

the only good point abt my DH…he nvr bother how much i spend…coz i’ll nvr burst his credit card…n nvr buy any branded goods or jewellery.


It took yrs for me to gain his trust in sharing his financial.That’s worth more than any expensive gift.

[sharonkhoo]

vinegar:

the only good point abt my DH....he nvr bother how much i spend...coz i'll nvr burst his credit card....n nvr buy any branded goods or jewellery.


It took yrs for me to gain his trust in sharing his financial.That's worth more than any expensive gift.

Yes, do look for his good traits and don't compare with others. Every couple has to find a balance that works, and it won't be the same as others. My husband has NEVER cooked after the first few mths of marriage as his cooking is really bad. He is always willing to buy back or go out if I say so though. He doesn't do cleaning or laundry either (he used to mop floors when the kids were young, but hasn't done so for a while), but he runs errands, handles finances, does a lot of the family paperwork etc. Even though I don't do a lot of those things myself, he does run his ideas by me for my opinion and tries to keep me informed of what's happening (if I don't know, it's my fault as I'm forgetful!). My only issue with this is that we have fallen into a very 'traditional' sharing of roles, and I don't want my girls to think that is the way things have to be. We tell them that it can be different, but I'm sure it still influences their thinking.